DH just ‘asked’ DS1 to do something (sweep up some crumbs). DS1 basically didn’t want to (had just woken up, he didn’t spill them) and was a bit slow to move. DH started getting annoyed, but continued asking ‘nicely’. Back and forward sniping continues… I could see him getting annoyed, so stepped in and told DS1 to go and sweep the crumbs up now. (DH had an operation recently, he can’t bend over very far).
This happens often and has been a source of bad feeling in our house for years. When DH wants (needs) something to happen, he will ask - not tell - then get grumpy when the person he is asking says no. I don’t generally ask when it’s something I need done - I tell, politely (I think). Certainly, children get told rather than asked, adults - it depends.
It drives me nuts! I know that direct instructions are often considered rude in British culture but DHs family take it to extremes. He and the DCs have had endless wrangles over the years where he asks, they say no, he gets grumpy, they don’t understand why he’s pissed at them. His whole family are unable to express any direct preferences for fear of offending someone.
it happens at my workplace as well: we live in France and I work with both French and British people. The Brits will come and ‘ask’ my French colleagues if they can do something for them, my French colleague will say ‘yes I can do that’. Then the Brit goes away thinking they’ve sorted it out, and the French colleague turns to me and says ‘does she actually want me to do that, or was she just asking if it’s possible!?’ 🤷♀️😂
do you ask or do you tell? What are your key phrases for making sure people know you are telling, but it sounds like asking politely? I have read that ‘I’m going to have to ask you to…’ is a good one. I realise it’s very context dependent ie parent to child, partner to partner, boss to employee, colleague to colleague.