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Original poster

There's nothing left I have no purpose

11 replies

Emptyheart34 · 01/11/2023 04:51

My life is a complete mess and I am struggling to see the point. I dont know if I'm feeling sorry for myself. I can't sleep. I'm exhausted. I woke up half an hour ago and realised I have nothing real..I think my kids would be better off without me. I feel like I want to go to sleep for a long time. I can't seem to lift myself

OP posts:
icewoman · 01/11/2023 04:54

of course your kids would not be better off without you, they would be destroyed to lose you. Ring your GP as soon as they are open xx

CallMeBettyBoop · 01/11/2023 04:55

I have no answers for you OP, but I can offer a tight hand-hold.
Please stay. Your children need you. Flowers

PaminaMozart · 01/11/2023 04:59

In what way is your life a complete mess? Almost everyone has messy lives and times of despair and desperation, but somehow we get through it. Tell us what's going on and we'll try to help.

And/or call Samaritans 💐

wishing3 · 01/11/2023 05:02

Messy situations can change and feel like a distant memory in the blink of an eye. Stick if out, love yourself like I’m sure many others do, and make an appointment with your gp tomorrow. In my experience antidepressants can really help to turn things around. Sending you love.

lovelthesun247 · 01/11/2023 05:03

So sorry you are feeling this way.

Your kids will always need you. Please contact your GP to make an appointment so you can tell them how you are feeling and they can get you some help

Original poster
Emptyheart34 · 01/11/2023 05:05

I just feel like nothing is set up right. I am working as self employed 16 hours a week over 4 days around the children. I have an appointment with uc today because I've been stuck living with my ex for 4 years because we have a mortgage. He's just said nothing can be done we can't afford to split the house. I've found it in myself to ring citizens advice and they said I can go on uc whilst looking for a home and separated. So I finally found a sense of relief.

Yesterday after 10 months I got a complaint in my job. I do private house cleaning. I work for an old school friend. I told her I wasn't given anywhere near enough time to get this house cleaned. She said she had also struggled with one yesterday. She then messaged me whilst out with my kids saying that the lady had complained I hadn't done the downstairs bathroom etc. I'd already told my boss there wasn't time for this. She then sent me patronising messages about me needing to work faster and harder until I'm sweating and take my anger out at work. She instantly blamed this one bad clean on me being distracted. She has made me feel my jobs now not safe which is scary as I need a stable job to private rent.

Then my boyfriend who I've gradually got to know over 3 years is likely emotionally abusive. I couldnt even no where to begin but I don't know if I believe he loves me at all. He's got mental issues and that's the main reason I'm so unhappy. I can't seem to get away from it..

My ex never helps around the house enough. I can't keep up with it and if I go out fir a night when he has the kids I can't believe the mess I return to..

I'm living a lie and I have nothing left to give.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emptyheart34 · 01/11/2023 05:08

I just keep waking up sad and I'm too scared to take anti depressants as people say they cause nausea.

OP posts:
decionsdecisions62 · 01/11/2023 05:18

If you are at the point where you actually think as a mother your kids would be better off if you took your own like then you definitely need antidepressants. Get to the doctor ASAP. All the other stuff - it's not important- if you cleaned a toilet or you didn't. Please get help.

Bananalanacake · 01/11/2023 05:31

If your boyfriend has mental issues you really need to end it with him, not your job to look after him, I'm hoping he doesn't live with you if your ex is still in the house.

MigGirl · 01/11/2023 05:54

I've taken antidepressants and even the old style ones didn't cause nausea. In fact I had no negative side effects from SSRI's and that's what they tend to prescribe now. It did however really help me at a really low point. So I would say they are really worth a try.

As for everything your struggling with, I would agree that the boyfriend isn't helping. I do think you need to let h go, if someone doesn't contribute positively towards your life then they don't need to be in it.

Concentrate on sorting out you living arrangements. With your job are you truly self employed or working for this other person, sounds like a tricky situation. Bit bear in mind any service company will receive complaints at some point (especially if you get an difficult customer). So try not to blame yourself to much if up till now you've been doing well.

LightSpeeds · 01/11/2023 06:23

Emptyheart34 · 01/11/2023 05:08

I just keep waking up sad and I'm too scared to take anti depressants as people say they cause nausea.

I take fluoxetine. NO side effects and they started working within a few days (after I'd had 3 years of moderate to severe anxiety and depression).

I'm so sorry that everything else seems so awful...

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