If I don't do it noone will

IncaAztec · 2023-10-31T17:49:44+00:00

Just came home after work to find complete Halloween chaos, despite DH WFH. No-one would agree on a Halloween outfit and the house was a complete state. Is it just me or if I'm not there, does everything fall apart? Anyone else the same?

icewoman · 31/10/2023 17:50

If DH was working from home, why would he have done any organising? What needs organising anyway?

Original poster

IncaAztec · 31/10/2023 17:51

Apparently; outfits, face paint, tea, lifts, Halloween decor....the list and chaos was endless.

OP posts:

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 31/10/2023 17:52

If he was working he was working. He can’t split himself in two.

This reminds me of when I worked nights and people would ask me to do favours as I was ‘home all day’.

It gets tiring very quickly.

crumblingschools · 31/10/2023 17:53

Does his employment include sorting out Halloween?

Original poster

IncaAztec · 31/10/2023 17:54

He finished at 4 and works Flexi. It was unbelievable chaos.

OP posts:

FictionalCharacter · 31/10/2023 17:54

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 31/10/2023 17:52

If he was working he was working. He can’t split himself in two.

This reminds me of when I worked nights and people would ask me to do favours as I was ‘home all day’.

It gets tiring very quickly.

I agree. If you’re at work, you’re at work, regardless of the location.

Icefoot · 31/10/2023 17:54

Why was the house chaos if no one had done anything?

If he's working he working.

None of the stuff you list "needs" doing, if it's too much and causing stress don't do it.

Original poster

IncaAztec · 31/10/2023 17:56

I wish that was an option. Kids had organised some stuff and failed to tell anyone, let alone agree outfits and organise themselves. Guess I alone on this one!

OP posts:

museumum · 31/10/2023 17:56

Come on folks, he was clearly “duty parent” and it’s Halloween. The parent who is physically with the children organises them not the one who is out at work in another location.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/10/2023 17:58

How old are the DC if they’re old enough to make plans but not pick outfits?

icewoman · 31/10/2023 17:59

Icefoot · 31/10/2023 17:54

Why was the house chaos if no one had done anything?

If he's working he working.

None of the stuff you list "needs" doing, if it's too much and causing stress don't do it.

this! none of this seems to matter, really! certainly not worth stressing about

Original poster

IncaAztec · 31/10/2023 17:59

8 and 12. Wouldn't have anything out the dressing up, wouldn't wear various things. Make up everywhere, noone fed. Put me off having a job at all. Just started tidying around.

OP posts:

icewoman · 31/10/2023 18:00

museumum · 31/10/2023 17:56

Come on folks, he was clearly “duty parent” and it’s Halloween. The parent who is physically with the children organises them not the one who is out at work in another location.

organises what though? Sounds like OP has plans and expectations that the DP doesn't share

Original poster

IncaAztec · 31/10/2023 18:01

I had hoped my kids were fed and had hoped they had been able to agree outfits/WhatsApp their friends to organise lifts without tearing the house apart. Apparently not.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 31/10/2023 18:01

At 8 & 12 surely they can just tidy up and sort out the mess themselves... don't be a martyr. And no one's going to starve if dinner is late.

allaloneandlost · 31/10/2023 18:02

Chippy tea, takeaway or something quick like baked potato's while using old sheets to make ghost costumes? No make up involved!

Porkydorky · 31/10/2023 18:04

I’m with you OP. Same here - except DP was not working today. He had a full day off with the kids, but when I came home from work I had to get the pumpkin done, put on some dinner, make sure the kids had their costumes ready and do the face paint. It has really pissed me off.

So yes, it does just seem to fall apart when I am not around, despite him having the time. Apparently they all had a lovely day together (which I am delighted about) BUT nothing that needed to be done was done. Grrrr.

museumum · 31/10/2023 18:05

icewoman · 31/10/2023 18:00

organises what though? Sounds like OP has plans and expectations that the DP doesn't share

Show quote history

The kids quite reasonably expected some support to go out guising or to friends. Unless the parents had told them they couldn’t it’s reasonable for a parent to help them get dressed (and feed them!)

Ragwort · 31/10/2023 18:08

porky but why did you feel you had to get the pumpkin done and do the costumes & face paint ... it doesn't 'have to be done' ... why not just say 'if you haven't bothered to get organised it's clearly not that a big deal to go trick or treating' ... you are rewarding their apathy by martyring yourself.
Pour yourself a glass of wine and have toast for dinner ...

crumblingschools · 31/10/2023 18:11

At that age the DC are old enough to sort costumes out. Maybe not face painting but if they haven’t got things sorted then they miss out. Was anything discussed beforehand?

Icefoot · 31/10/2023 18:12

Porkydorky · 31/10/2023 18:04

I’m with you OP. Same here - except DP was not working today. He had a full day off with the kids, but when I came home from work I had to get the pumpkin done, put on some dinner, make sure the kids had their costumes ready and do the face paint. It has really pissed me off.

So yes, it does just seem to fall apart when I am not around, despite him having the time. Apparently they all had a lovely day together (which I am delighted about) BUT nothing that needed to be done was done. Grrrr.

But you're clearly the only one who cared about those things. They didn't need to be done, he's as entitled not to bother as you are to choose to do it.

Icefoot · 31/10/2023 18:13

IncaAztec · 31/10/2023 17:56

I wish that was an option. Kids had organised some stuff and failed to tell anyone, let alone agree outfits and organise themselves. Guess I alone on this one!

So why is it DH who's in trouble?

mrsm43s · 31/10/2023 18:13

At 8 & 12 I'd be flipping ignoring kids that were flapping around about costumes, and I'd have expected them to have made and confirmed plans in advance. Then, I'd give them a bollocking about making a mess and tell them to bloody well tidy up. Your children sound badly behaved, and your DH (rightly) wasn't pandering to them.

Porkydorky · 31/10/2023 18:42

No, it was the kids that wanted to do these things. They have been talking about it all for ages. I do want to give them a nice time at Halloween, I will admit that. And to that end, I feel that having a whole day free to do one pumpkin and get some costumes together should not be hard. And dinner needs to be cooked whether it’s Halloween or not!

I just find my DP today and OP’s DP quite thoughtless about it all. The person at home is the ‘on duty’ parent who should have been on top of it.