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Original poster

Feeling utterly lost.

11 replies

Rootless1 · 31/10/2023 12:51

I'm a 39 year old mature student, currently just started 3 rd year of an adult nursing degree. I've got a 12 year old DS and a wonderful partner. I've struggled mentally all through the degree - not academically, but with the placements. I owe a lot of hours. I feel so so lost, I know in my heart I'm on the completely wrong path for me. I am very much an outdoors type and I really regret not retraining as an agronomist or something in agriculture. At uni the lecturers keep now discussing our future plans and the fact we are going to be applying for jobs from now.
I feel a sense of dread and panic at the thought of qualifying and actually having to make this the rest of my life. I applied for nursing as I thought it would suit, however I really have not enjoyed the experience and I know it is wrong.
I'm so lost. I feel utterly trapped.

OP posts:
Datdamndamp · 31/10/2023 13:03

That's difficult. You can stick it out qualify and see if being in practice clicks for you. I have friends that have switched around jobs, e.g. midwife to other HCP roles, medicine to GP. Others have found settings more conducive, e.g. therapy centres with gardens.

Are you at the start of the 3rd year. Can you defer for a year so you don't burn bridges? How much do you know about other careers and training and salaries and number of jobs?

Darklane · 31/10/2023 13:03

If it isn’t for you then it’s better to admit it & do something you will enjoy. Perhaps get your qualifications so the time you’ve already spent won’t be wasted.
I speak from experience. When I left school I was “encouraged “ more like pushed from both school & my mother to go to university & then into teaching. I knew really from the first teaching practice in school that it wasn’t for me but persevered as it was what was expected of me, this was years ago in the sixties when things were different. I stuck to teaching for eight years, full time then evening school once my DS came along, no maternity leave back then. Apart from my DH & Ds most miserable eight years of my life, like you I’m an outdoor person, far more at home with animals than other peoples children. DH saw how it affected me & encouraged me to change course. We moved to an old smallholding, I set up a herd of livestock, geese & poultry & a small kennels, dog showing was always a hobby inherited from my GG who was a renowned breeder & judge. Never regretted it for a day, still run a small farm & have my dogs. Please don’t make your life a burden in a job you really don’t like. As they say do what you love & you’ll never work a day in your life, this is so true.

Datdamndamp · 31/10/2023 13:07

My midwifery friend felt really unconfident before qualifying but things really improved for her when she had more experience. I've seen that with other medic friends, just wondering if this is a blip for you or if it really isn't right.

Original poster
Rootless1 · 31/10/2023 13:14

Darklane · 31/10/2023 13:03

If it isn’t for you then it’s better to admit it & do something you will enjoy. Perhaps get your qualifications so the time you’ve already spent won’t be wasted.
I speak from experience. When I left school I was “encouraged “ more like pushed from both school & my mother to go to university & then into teaching. I knew really from the first teaching practice in school that it wasn’t for me but persevered as it was what was expected of me, this was years ago in the sixties when things were different. I stuck to teaching for eight years, full time then evening school once my DS came along, no maternity leave back then. Apart from my DH & Ds most miserable eight years of my life, like you I’m an outdoor person, far more at home with animals than other peoples children. DH saw how it affected me & encouraged me to change course. We moved to an old smallholding, I set up a herd of livestock, geese & poultry & a small kennels, dog showing was always a hobby inherited from my GG who was a renowned breeder & judge. Never regretted it for a day, still run a small farm & have my dogs. Please don’t make your life a burden in a job you really don’t like. As they say do what you love & you’ll never work a day in your life, this is so true.

Thank you. Your post made me cry! It's the thought that out there are people who love what they do and don't just do it to make a career. I used to work with horses before deciding I needed an actual career, but I think I've gone too far the other way.

OP posts:
Nemareus · 31/10/2023 13:37

You can do nursing in the community though. Older people in their own homes often need nurses. There’s always a way- if you can but find it. Don’t give up

Original poster
Rootless1 · 31/10/2023 13:44

@Nemareus yes I know. Community is a million miles better than everything else but it's still a life I don't want.

OP posts:
Darklane · 31/10/2023 14:18

Your nurse training is still useful with animals, we’re all mammals after all. If you really want to stick with a similar line what about veterinary nursing? Surely your training will earn credits? If you love horses could you work with them? A training stables or rescue centre, disabled riding? suppose it depends where you live. Sorry can’t help with that as I know little of horses, now if it had been dogs, goats, sheep, poultry or water fowl…….😁

Velvetdragon13 · 10/11/2023 10:30

It's not unusual to feel this way. It's not unusual to have a passion for something and completely burn out or learn that what you're doing is wrong for you. What is wrong, is still going along with it because pressure dictates you to do so!

If you totally believe hand on heart that this is completely wrong for you, ask yourself why (because that answer will need to be on the ready when you answer to your lecturer or yourself if you continue with a job you really don't want to do.)

Please do not feel trapped. There is no shame in giving up, it is better to do what is right for you than to continue with something which is making you uncomfortable and miserable. It is not a sign of weakness, but maturity in understanding yourself.

Then ask yourself what you truly want to do, what really speaks out to your passions - and follow that.

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/11/2023 10:33

@Velvetdragon13 thank you so, so much for your reply. You have articulated beautifully what I have felt and I must admit it made me have a moment to feel heard.

All through the degree I have been fighting to get to the end - honestly I have barely given the rest of my life a thought as this process has been such a struggle it has been all consuming. Now I have to confront it, and it is throwing into sharp relief the despair and claustrophobic feeling I get with the thought of this as my career.

MujeresLibres · 10/11/2023 10:34

Would it be possible to switch to veterinary nursing (if that would interest you)? Aside from that, I agree with PPs that nursing provides a broad skills base that would give a good foundation in many other jobs.

Tonia16 · 10/11/2023 10:46

I wish I had had the courage to get out of teaching. I'm not cut out for it, but it was expected from my school and my family.
I went along with it, and although I enjoyed my last job /, there were many schools I hated.

Teaching was seen as a good career for women (I'm talking 1970s), but by nature I'm artistic. Something along the lines of fashion design would have suited me much better.

Why not finish the qualification, so that you have it for the future if you feel like giving it a go.

Then if finances allow, retrain in an agricultural college. Don't waste years of your life doing a job you don't like. Good luck.

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