Splitting from a liar I deeply love

[Chocolatebuttons3]

I'm absolutely struggling today. This year I've supported my partner through an awful patch in his personal life. I have lent him a couple of grand to keep him off the streets when he was evicted. I've then seen him come in and out of jobs and struggle due to chronic pain whilst he awaits surgery. I then discovered he was taking crack cocaine and this was my rock bottom. He was constantly lying. Taking money out my account and fibbing about where he was. The drama has been horrendous and I've had 4 years of his mental health now. He has adhd and possible bipolar as it runs in his family. He shows many signs of ups and downs.

Hes been suicidal and depressed alot recently. I've been put through hell when he turned up soaking wet after being hit over money. He's sold things and lied and lied. But the hardest part is he actually does seem to care about me and want to be nice to me. He cooks lovely meals. He runs me a bath and he washes my clothes when I stay over. We walk the dogs. We watch films. I never see him high. He strangely feels like my comfort in a lonely world at times. We talk alot about him and I've got him help through charities etc. I try support him.

In recent months 2 things have happened. In August an instagram account was made using his number. We was going through a bad patch. He began following 2 women. He denied making the account. A month later I saw he'd sent £40 over to this woman.
He started over explaining his phone lately. He deleted all apps and kept boasting how there's nothing on his phone. So I went through it. Only photos on it were of another woman! He has history of lying about women and phones.

Today I said no to him borrowing money. He started being grumpy and he knows i have alot on my plate at the moment. As he got grumpier I told him I knew he was currently looking at another woman as his phone was full of her pics. He told me he is done with me and will never talk to me again. There's certain things that he needed to sort with me that I guess he's not going to now.

I'm in shock and feeling really Down. I'm scared to loose this familiarity..but I know he won't ever change for me.

I need some support as I'm feeling pretty broken

Ahhh Chocolatebutton. I know you feel sad and scared but that's a normal reaction to a break up. Sometimes we are sad to break up- but it doesn't mean that it's not right to do it!
Please stay strong and let this be a finish. He's obviously trying to scare/ blackmail you into reconsidering the money and letting him away with the other women.
He has so many red flags this is not worth it.
You are a kind loving person and you don't deserve lies, manipulation and cheating.
Please please end it and put all the effort you put into him , into yourself ❣️
Don't look back , he's a user and a loser and you are not!

I can totally empathise with you Chocolatebuttons3. I was in a situation similar to yours several years ago. Basically,he was a confirmed liar. Every time he opened his mouth,a lie fell out of it. He bled me dry financially,abused my concern and kindness and basically made me feel worthless. I thought that I really loved him,but the crunch came when he told me was going abroad for a month to visit family. I heard nothing from him for 2 weeks after he'd left,and when I finally managed to contact him,he said he was staying for 3 months! He swore it was a spur of the moment thing,not planned. I didn't believe him. Anyway, while he was away I did a lot of thinking and realised that I wasn't actually missing him. He came home 3 months later and I broke it off with him. He begged, pleaded with me not to but my mind was made up after the latest episode of shitty behaviour. Best thing I ever did.
You will feel sad for a while,that's normal after a break up. But it doesn't mean that it's not the right thing to do. You sound like a lovely person and you really don't deserve being lied to you,cheated on and manipulated by him. Try to be strong and stick by your guns and finish it with him. You deserve much better. He is just a loser.

It's hard when you love someone and the unknown of them not being around anymore is frightening. In my experience, with my relationship with a total liar I was devastated for a few days and then suddenly it was like the weight had lifted from my shoulders and I felt..... relieved. Getting over it wasn't straightforward as such but within the week after splitting I could see how much calmer my life was without him in it. No more worrying myself to death about where he was, what he was doing etc and a bit of peace back in my life.

I wish you peace too. It won't be with this man so I'd stay strong and end it. I almost guarantee you'll start to feel that same relief it's over very soon.

You've all made sense with your replies and I've read all 3 and taken good advice from them all.

He is a liar. He lies about where he is. Lies about shops he's in. What food he's getting. Who he's speaking too. He's lied about the drugs all year. He left me stranded on holiday in May because he drove home for drugs. He lies constantly about money.

I love him and watching him become homeless traumatised me. At one point he slept in my shed for the night. I've walked the streets in the pouring rain looking for him.ivw cried and begged for him to be careful. I've paid for little things to make his new flat home. I've taken food round when he's been skint. I've loved him unconditionally.

He's taken so much of my love and time away. His suffering and situation breaks my heart.

I feel like within time I will feel so much better. I dont want to have to deal with these regular bad times. I just want peace. I feel currently like the thought of one day not knowing him or having his number or hearing he's died is heartbreaking. I dont know how to handle this grief. I know I've been abused and I'm not sure whether anything as genuine. Even though he appeared to love and care for me.

Grief is normal when you love someone and a relationship ends - even though you know he's behaved appallingly and you know you're better off without him, you're bound to feel this way. Remember that the treatment he's shown you is a thousand miles away from what you deserve, and you will feel better soon once you've slogged through the initial breakup period. Take care and stay strong, OP. You're worth more than this.