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DS12 bullied and mental health crash

8 replies

Doughnuting · 29/10/2023 21:33

Ds12 has had two physical incidents with one particular boy from his year.

On the first time three weeks ago he coerced DS outside to where no teachers would be, told other children to be there then pushed and punched DS in the stomach. DS fell to the floor. Another child took him to first-aid where he threw up and I was called to collect him. The perpetrator was suspended for two days and told not to speak to DS again.

He didn't - for two weeks.

Then he did the exact same thing again. Right down to the same area and same attack. I was called at work and had to collect him again. The other boy suspended for another two days.

Since these attacks, DS has shown a complete change in his personality. To the point that I don't recognise him. He talks of suicide and from his internet search history I can see he has looked up why he feels like this and how to do it. I think it might just be him trying to tell me how desperately worried he feels but it's devastating and terrifying to hear these words from him.

His friends no longer text or talk to him. Clearly distancing themselves from any drama. He spends break times on his own. He has friends outside of school but no longer any in school.

I've a meeting with the school this week but I'm not sure what they can do. Giving this boy a long weekend under the pretence of suspension does not seem a suitable punishment for these premeditated attacks, but maybe that's just how it is.

He doesn't want to move schools, I've offered this. I've also reported these incidents to the police but heard nothing back.

What could I expect the school to do to keep DS safe? What could I request?

OP posts:
Notlivinglife · 29/10/2023 21:42

This other boy should be expelled from school before he does it again. Why are they letting him stay on? Your son is the victim; he shouldn't have to leave.

NoItsStillNighttimeDarling · 29/10/2023 21:43

Good god I'm so sorry. My DSs are still tiny so no advice but bumping for you - surely to god the school should be doing more for what is clearly a pattern of behaviour!

loseweightpleasegod · 29/10/2023 21:44

If they won’t expel the bully you need to move your son schools. Don’t send him back he is being tortured.

Doughnuting · 29/10/2023 21:50

Thank you

It does feel like torture. Like sending him into school is sending him into the lions' den.
I've tried to encourage a new school but he's hanging on to the thought his friends will come around. And old friends are better than no friends.
Apparently.

I will broach the subject of a move again tomorrow. His self esteem is through the floor and he feels worthless.

OP posts:
loseweightpleasegod · 29/10/2023 21:58

He know it’s an option so long as he feels supported unfortunately this stuff happens in schools but if the SLT don’t expel this bully I would fear for my own son in this predicament.

Nepmarthiturn · 29/10/2023 23:03

It is totally unacceptable that schools do nothing significant about bullying. Your poor DS. I think you need to be very robust in the meeting with them this week and ask them to explain the specific actions they are taking to meet their safeguarding duty to ensure this cannot happen again. If they cannot reliably do so then the violent child needs to be removed and kept separate from the other children entirely or expelled.

No child should have to tolerate behaviour that would be a police matter if it happened to an adult. Well done for reporting it to the police. Shocking that they've not done anything either, I would also chase them up and tell them there were a large number of witnesses to the assaults and that your expectation is therefore that the offender is charged and prosecuted.

Springwillcome · 29/10/2023 23:10

Right. That isn’t just bullying, that’s assault. Keep asking the police for a crime number and in conversations with them and with the school don’t call it bullying, call it assault / actual bodily harm.

If it were me? Depends a bit on your other options for school but at age 12 I’d deregister, give him a couple of months home education to recover his self-esteem, then put him in a better school (or reregister at the original school if they’ve got rid of the attacker by then).

As to how to deal with the school, I don’t know what they’re allowed to do, I think for state schools there are certain steps they have to take before expulsion is an option. Ask the head why this child is still there are how fast they can get rid of him
and be clear that if they’re not going to expel him your family is leaving for good instead.

I’m so sorry this has happened to both of you. You now have to teach your 12 year old how to deal with it. Hoping things will improve doesn’t seem a good path forwards to me.

Springwillcome · 29/10/2023 23:11

Ps I would not allow my DS to be the person who decides whether or not he changes school, not at age 12. It is your decision.

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