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Original poster

A hypothetical question about finances after divorce

23 replies

namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:03

So, I listened to a podcast today that made me think I wasn't that clued up about divorce.

I assumed there'd be a fairly equal split of assets - house, pensions, savings. But the podcast suggested via the story of someone post divorce, that this wasn't the case.

Both husband and I had flats that we sold and put the equity into our house (13 years ago married, 16 years togeher) I have always worked through my marriage - plus done ALL the organising, life admin and childcare sorting and support - but have earned a quarter/half of what my husband earns. Just the nature of our jobs. He has paid much more into his pension that I have in mine. We no longer have a mortgage.

Separated, he would probably insist on 50/50 of the DC, as he's very involved.

So, hypothetically, if we were to divorce, can I therefore expect to get shafted over the above? And end up with less than half of what we've built up?

And ever the pragmatist, what can I do to help myself at this point, in the event we ever do divorce?

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 29/10/2023 21:04

The default starting point is generally 50/50 and you negotiate from there.

boomtickhouse · 29/10/2023 21:04

You'd probably get 50/50 custody and so no child maintenance.

You'd get at least half the assets (savings, property, pension) , possibly a bit more to counter the lower salary.

You would end up worse off than him.

Original poster
namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:08

But surely a lower salary is countered by the fucking huge amount of non-paid stuff I do towards us/our family (which he readily acknowledges all the time)

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Family law General money Relationship problems
Original poster
namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:08

How exactly would I end up worse than him?

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:09

Sorry, I'm really curious. And I thought I knew more than I did - and I like to feel that I know how situations would go!

OP posts:
PosterBoy · 29/10/2023 21:14

namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:08

How exactly would I end up worse than him?

Because you earn a quarter what he does so within the first year you would find you

  • could borrow less or not enough to buy
-were therefore eating into savings -weren't saving up as much as he was able to
Meandyouandyouandme · 29/10/2023 21:17

I’m divorced and we split all assets, pension, equity in house, savings etc 50/50. So all fine, kids are adults. However, I earned about a third of what my ex did and still do, so yes I’m worse off. I stayed at home while the kids were small and then worked for my ex’s business. So my career is nowhere really, but I’m really happy where I am now, money is tight but I’d rather be here than where I was. Money is not everything.

Original poster
namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:21

@PosterBoy - do you mean 'not saving as much as him' post divorce or during marriage? We have joint everything. Whatever we earn gets flung into shared pots

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:22

Meandyouandyouandme · 29/10/2023 21:17

I’m divorced and we split all assets, pension, equity in house, savings etc 50/50. So all fine, kids are adults. However, I earned about a third of what my ex did and still do, so yes I’m worse off. I stayed at home while the kids were small and then worked for my ex’s business. So my career is nowhere really, but I’m really happy where I am now, money is tight but I’d rather be here than where I was. Money is not everything.

Thank you - this sounds really positive for you. I'm not remotely materalistic - hence choosing work that was creative and not high earning, but just curious how it all works out

OP posts:
AutumnFroglets · 29/10/2023 21:26

As pp said even after one year you would be worse off as you would be surviving compared to him being able to get better mortgages, credit card deals, higher savings rates (or actually being able to save), afford better holidays etc on his salary. Then of course his pension will be a lot better when he retires as his bigger salary means he can put a higher percentage in during his working life, pre and post divorce.

Makes you think doesn't it.

BoohooWoohoo · 29/10/2023 21:30

If the kids are very young and your ex was high earning then you might have an argument for spousal support so that you could train but it's a temporary thing like 2/3 years.

You would probably get 50% of the assets at the point of divorce but as your ex earns more, he would quickly overtake you as he could afford to save more, buy a pricier house etc

You wouldn't be directly compensated for doing the unpaid stuff. You would benefit indirectly from ex's higher wages which means more savings etc A judge would expect you to work more hours/ retrain if your salary wasn't enough to live on.

PosterBoy · 29/10/2023 21:30

namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:21

@PosterBoy - do you mean 'not saving as much as him' post divorce or during marriage? We have joint everything. Whatever we earn gets flung into shared pots

After

You would split everything 50:50.

A year later, you would have saved less or nothing compared to him - on a salary 1/4 his, with no child maintenance from him, higher mortgage payments or renting

Meandyouandyouandme · 29/10/2023 21:31

Yes I am really happy, but will be working till 67, I’m 51 now and if we’d stayed together we could have retired at 55ish. I’m living in our retirement fund, it is all mine though and very cosy.

gotomomo · 29/10/2023 21:36

We split the house 60/50 in my favour plus I receive a modest spousal support payment monthly, pensions were 50/50 (mostly his to me). We came to a private arrangement

Original poster
namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:40

It really does make you think! But I don't know what I'd have done differently - I could have gone for a high earning career rather than something I loved (which didn't work out financially that well, and i's very disappointing tbh) but I've lived life on the terms I wanted and that has to be a life well spent.

We're not far off retiring, to be honest. We don't have a mortgage and if we did split, I'd be able to get a mortgage free place.

I'm actually not even thinking of splitting - but I have always read these threads about divorce thinking one thing...and today I realised it was wrong.

The only reason i married (I wouldn't have cared) is because my solicitor urged me to - said common law amounted to fuck all.

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:41

PosterBoy · 29/10/2023 21:30

After

You would split everything 50:50.

A year later, you would have saved less or nothing compared to him - on a salary 1/4 his, with no child maintenance from him, higher mortgage payments or renting

Show quote history

Yes, I can see how this would happen. Sigh.

OP posts:
PosterBoy · 29/10/2023 21:42

You never know op. If you split up it might fundamentally alter your approach, you might become a rich businesswoman with your own business, who knows! The drivers are really different.

AutumnFroglets · 29/10/2023 21:49

The only reason i married (I wouldn't have cared) is because my solicitor urged me to - said common law amounted to fuck all.
I'm glad you listened. You might not have been entitled to a single penny otherwise which is quite scary. You might not be planning on leaving (like many other women) but that doesn't mean your/their partner isn't, and then you would have been up the proverbial creek.

Original poster
namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:52

AutumnFroglets · 29/10/2023 21:49

The only reason i married (I wouldn't have cared) is because my solicitor urged me to - said common law amounted to fuck all.
I'm glad you listened. You might not have been entitled to a single penny otherwise which is quite scary. You might not be planning on leaving (like many other women) but that doesn't mean your/their partner isn't, and then you would have been up the proverbial creek.

So true

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:54

PosterBoy · 29/10/2023 21:42

You never know op. If you split up it might fundamentally alter your approach, you might become a rich businesswoman with your own business, who knows! The drivers are really different.

Ha! Yes. Maybe. I do feel the drivers have changed at every stage of my life. I'm now mid fifties, and after a highly successful creative career (not financial, which would surprise anyone who knew of my success), I'm looking for a change. Maybe it's time to make cash (although I suspect not, I just don't care enough)

OP posts:
JoyousPinkPeer · 06/09/2024 20:05

namechangedagainagain · 29/10/2023 21:08

How exactly would I end up worse than him?

Guessing ... because of his salary ongoing

ViciousCurrentBun · 06/09/2024 20:49

Two of my friends are divorcing both are mid fifties. They both have good divorce lawyers , one was a SAHP for 12 years and the other worked PT. One will not have enough money to buy outright post divorce and will need a mortgage and the other will be able to buy outright. But neither has anywhere near a good a pension as their future ex husbands. Both want more cash out of the pot towards housing as it’s an immediate need so will take less pension from their husbands. The one that was a SAHP is going to have a very tough time. She is working FT and has been for a number of years but that big gap, it’s tough.

Q124 · 06/09/2024 20:58

ZOMBIE THREAD!!

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