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Original poster

A bit worried about this friend

7 replies

Icefoot · 29/10/2023 20:09

Not sure if it's my place to "do" something.

He's a married man, middle aged, I know him through a hobby group. He's talked to us (the group) a few times about how things aren't great in his marriage, but he really hopes to be able to sort things out. I don't ask questions or pass comment, listen when he wants to talk, wish him well in his efforts. I genuinely do hope they can resolve things, that's what he wants.

Today he told me he's thinking of buying a van and disappearing. He turned it into a joke when I expressed concern, but if it was a joke he was only half joking iyswim.

I feel like I should check in on him, but I'm also very aware that having another woman fussing over him is very unlikely to help his marriage.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Its5656 · 29/10/2023 20:13

I'd 100% check in on him. If on the back of that his wife checks his phone and reads your message all she will see is a concerned friend reaching out.
By bringing it up it seems like his asking for help.

Original poster
Icefoot · 29/10/2023 20:22

Yes, that's what I felt at the time. I don't know whether he'd actually do it, but saying it was his way of telling me he's not OK. I'm not really sure what I can do about that though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Icefoot · 29/10/2023 21:05

What would you actually say that isn't horribly intrusive?

OP posts:

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Relationship problems
Its5656 · 29/10/2023 21:29

I'd just send a text saying "You seemed abit down last time we spoke, just wanted to check in and let you know I'm here as a friend if you need someone to talk with."

Original poster
Icefoot · 29/10/2023 21:33

Its5656 · 29/10/2023 21:29

I'd just send a text saying "You seemed abit down last time we spoke, just wanted to check in and let you know I'm here as a friend if you need someone to talk with."

Yes, that's what worries me. I don't want to be the friend he discusses his marital problems with. Not because I don't care, but because I don't want to put me or him in a position where he's discussing his marriage with another woman, which can't be helpful.

Possibly I'm over thinking, but I don't know any woman who'd like to think her husband was doing that.

OP posts:
Its5656 · 29/10/2023 22:25

I think your overthinking but get where you're coming from. Is there any men in your hobby group that could befriend him.

To make you feel better about it my husband works with a woman that has had a few issues.. she calls him and they meet for coffee. I really don't mind, I'm proud to be married to such a kind man and I'm glad she has him to talk to.

Original poster
Icefoot · 30/10/2023 07:29

Its5656 · 29/10/2023 22:25

I think your overthinking but get where you're coming from. Is there any men in your hobby group that could befriend him.

To make you feel better about it my husband works with a woman that has had a few issues.. she calls him and they meet for coffee. I really don't mind, I'm proud to be married to such a kind man and I'm glad she has him to talk to.

Yes, but would you feel the same if it was your marriage that was on thin ice and he was talking to her about it?

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