PO Box post office collection help

[MidnightMidwinter]

I’m currently in the midst of trying to leave my relationship with my 2dc. DH works from home, opens all my post, has control of my bank account, checks my phone, tracks where I go in the car and watches every time I enter or leave the house via our security cameras (he has an app that alerts him on his phone).

I have a part time job that I can walk to and have managed to hide away a couple of hundred pounds in cash which I used to buy this burner phone that I’m using and I’m also hoping to go into the post office and open up a PO Box for myself so my brother can post me a debit card with a few £1,000 that he’s put on there so that I can get passports for dc and buy tickets out to live with him (he lives in country dc were born in and my home country).

BUT - I’m terrified that post office will post something confirming the opening of the PO Box to my home address. I need to give my genuine home address, they ask for ID if you pay for it with cash as I’m intending to. I enquired at the post office quickly last time I was in and the lady said she didn’t think they send anything but wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to push it as we live in a small town, everyone knows everyone and it could very easily get back to DH, which I can’t even bear to think about.

Is there anything else I might not have thought about? DH is going away for a few days after Christmas so hoping to leave then, sooner if passports come through earlier. DC aren’t DH’s so that won’t be an issue. I can climb out of side window with DC’s and leave via next door neighbours garden and not get picked up by the cameras, so DH won’t immediately know. I know where the AirTag that he uses is in the car is hidden so I’m going to leave that in the road when I take the car (car is on road and I’ll make sure I park it out of view of the camera).

When I worked in a small sub post and sorting office, we would sometimes get poste restante mail, which the recipient would collect from us. It was addressed to the recipient at our address and marked poste restate. It was free and there was no paperwork.
It would be worth asking if this is still possible. We had to check id, but there were no forms and nobody needed to be notified of anything.

Can you do a redirection notice so any mail in your name gets sent elsewhere?

I don’t think passports can be delivered to a P.O. Box address though if you are in the uk.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/delivery-addresses-for-passports-and-documents/delivery-addresses-for-passports-and-documents-accessible
If a customer gives us a UK Post Office box address or mail hosting address (these are usually located in a business park or trading estate) you must not accept it. Our delivery partners cannot deliver to these addresses in the UK.

You could also be stopped at the airport if your OH realises and reports you as trying to leave the country with the DC without his permission.

I think you need to post in the relationships board, there are lots of very knowledgeable posters on there who will be able to advise you what to do. I hope you can find a way to leave, it’s sounds like a horrible situation for you and I’m sorry you are having to live like this

www.postoffice.co.uk/mail/poste-restante

This should be fine for the debit card.

For the passports, would it be possible to arrange to collect them in person?

Shit I didn’t know you couldn’t get passports delivered. Shit shit shit. No way I could collect them in person, nearest office is over a 3 hour drive away.