Anyone else feel like their biological clock is ruining their life?

[ivemesseduphelp]

I'm 33 so I'm at that age where friends are starting to have babies. I do want to have a child but I am not in the right place physically or financially for a child right now - I have hypothalamic amenhorrea from years of undereating and over exercising which I am currently trying to address so couldn't get pregnant even if I wanted to, and I am about to start a fast track degree course which means I won't be earning anything over the next 16 months although my earning potential will increase thereafter. Bf and I don't live together but spend 4 days out of 7 together and hope to buy somewhere after my degree is done and hopefully the housing market improves. He would like a family too but is more relaxed and doesn't feel the urgency of the biological clock like I do.

I just have this constant nagging in my brain about how I'm getting older and I have a real worry that I will run out of time or never be ready (financially/emotionally/physically) to have a child. I saw a friend this morning who has a 5 month old and it was so lovely to see her and her baby but the worries in my head really detracted from the time we had together.

I really hate being in my thirties. I just feel like each day that passes is another day of fertility that has gone. I know this is an unhelpful way to think and feel and that I'm ruining the present by being like this but I can't seem to switch it off.

Posting here because I can't really admit it to anyone IRL. Does anyone else feel similarly? Does anyone have any advice on how to stop this?

I had my babies in my early/mid 20’s, if I had my time again I’d wait until 35.

Totally understand how you feel. I used to feel like this until I made the decision to live childfree at 35. It’s honestly liberating as my biological clock is no longer dictating my life decisions.

My sister feels the same too. She is 37 and really wants kids but is single as hasn’t found the right man and it puts so much stress on her dating life as she almost wants to ask them on the first date if they want kids and when.

Recently single at 36 (just) May my time be out who knows. I try and read more positive stories and more positive research. 35 and fertility cliff is a bit outdated from much of my reading (but obviously the chances do get lower) if you do some reading around it, it’s not as dire as it initially looks. I have gotten pregnant last year so I know I can, but who knows. I’ve got into the mindset of it happens for me it does, it depends how badly you want it though

If you’re sure you want children, and not having them would be a big problem for you, do it now.

I am biased based on my own experience, but I convinced myself I had ages at a similar age to you, and now years later at 39 it’s looking very unlikely. I wish I could go back.

The OP can't have children right now due to health issues @BlackThumb

@DustyLee123 oh really, why do you say that?

@Lemsipper I'm glad you have found peace with yourself on this issue. The internal pressure can be so much can't it?

@autumn1610 thank you for your comment, I hope you're ok after your break up. It does seem to be more common for women to have babies later in life now, I just have such a fear that it won't happen for me for financial/physical reasons.

@BlackThumb as @WeighDownOnMe unfortunately physically I couldn't conceive now even if I wanted to because of my hypothalamic amenhorrea. It's just not that simple sadly

I’m sorry that I missed that part of your OP.

As that is the case your decision is made, I guess try to come to peace with it is the best approach?

@BlackThumb well hypothalamic amenhorrea is reversible apparently and it's something I'm working on. I think I probably do need to adopt a 'what will be will be attitude' to stop torturing myself about the future in the present, im just not quite sure how to do that!