Argument with DP - AIBU

[Bu22]

I’m bloody fuming at him to be honest.

Weekdays he works harder than anyone I know, granted. But then so do I. Honestly, I’m not trying to blow my own trumpet but I’d like to think I do a pretty good job keeping the house clean and organized (2 kids under 3yo so not easy at all). Our children I dedicate my life to and I love it, I love being a SAHM and I’m incredibly grateful for it but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. I’m actually exhausted. DP has not changed one nappy of our youngest, not prepared one bottle and I often feel like a solo parent.

But like I say, he works hard too so when he drove off to his mums house this morning for the day I didn’t say anything, I just told him to have a good time, even though there was no reason for him to not help me out and offer to take our eldest along with him.

Any way, he gets home after the bedtime routine was done and plops down on the sofa watching videos on his phone, asking me to heat up his dinner.

I didn’t take to it very well to be honest! Sorry TMI but i’m due on, i’m hormonal, I’m bloody exhausted and maybe it only happens in the movies but for once (and considering he has had a nice day off and even snuck in an hours nap at his mums) it would have been nice to get a hug and a kiss when he came home and for him to just heat his own bloody dinner, engage in conversation with me, put his phone down and offer to make me something FOR ONCE.

He works so hard and he pays for everything yes. But honestly i’m sick of him being SO hands off as a dad and so unbelievably incapable of doing anything for me or himself at home.

But maybe i’m just being a hormonal cow but I will always remember an old colleague of mine, he worked really hard, really long hours and a physical job. But do you know what? He gave his wife a break every single Saturday and took their kids to his parents. He also did all the night feeds when their second child came along. Just because his work earns the money didn’t mean that that meant zero responsibility outside of the workplace. I respected him for that.

No I get it completely. My DH is the same.

We both work full time, his job involves unsocial hours sometimes and he does probably more than most men do at home (I would say we're still at around 40/60 though).

But some nights I've finally sat down at around 9:30 just as he's come in, and he asks me the same thing. Or, could you grab me a drink. Sometimes I just do it but other times I've told him to get fucked. He doesn't get up in the night with the kids, nor is he up at 5am when they start waking up.

I've got nothing helpful to add, sorry... just I get it. It's really fucking annoying.

I couldn't live with a man like that.

Are you planning to put up with it for the rest of your life?

He sounds like a twat. I was a SAHM for 8 years and I expected the home workload to be shared on days my husband wasn't working. I'd never in a hundred years warm up his dinner if he'd left me alone with the kids for an entire day to go chill out somewhere. Ridiculous. He's treating you like a maid. Hope he pays you an hourly wage because wtf

Hmm. I think he needs to change nappies and prepare bottles and actually be involved in parenting or it's going to be a long 18 years for you.

It sounds like you have 3 children. He's a dick.

I'd be going out for the day alone tomorrow and then asking him to heat your tea when you get home. See how he likes it.

YANBU. As a sahp I'd expect to do the lions share of child rearing, housework cooking etc, but when dh is home it's 50/50 with the exception of the night feeds during the week which I did. However on the weekend it's 50/50 inc night feeds so we each got a lie in.

Earning money isn't the only way you contribute to family life, your dh needs to understand this.

Another poster this week broke down and told her Dh she would leave if he carried on opting out of parenting. I cannot believe he asked you to heat up his dinner after a day chilling at his mum’s or that he left you all day when he wasn’t working! 🤬

He gave his wife a break every single Saturday and took their kids to his parents

So his mum could look after them. What a prince 🙄🙄🙄🙄

That's not fair. My husband works unbelievably hard but he's always been really fair with the children. He would do one night feed per night, we would each take a turn to have a lay in one morning on the weekends and he's always done bath time routine and helped out whenever he is home. Being a SAHP doesn't mean you don't get any downtime while your DH does. I think he is being unreasonable

Tell him the 1950s called , they want their male chauvinists back 😒
Id have shoved his dinner where the sun didn’t shine
Tell him it’s time he opted IN to parenting , if you divorced this prince among men your life would probably be easier , raising two children not three

Is he too thick to use a microwave unassisted? Why can't he put his own bloody dinner in and set the time?

Quite aside from not feeding, changing, or putting his own children to bed.

Not really hard to heat up food..he could have easily done it

And he should be more hands on with the kids he made them as well not just you.

Don’t blame your hormones for the way you feel. You feel this way because he’s selfish and lazy.

why is he going to his mum's all day Saturday??? does his mum not think he should be with his children?????? Or is she just as selfish as him?????????????

How is he managing to swerve all parenting duties?? Lazy bastard this makes me so mad. And he should be spending weekends with his family ie you & kids not napping at his mums. Eww.