DH cross about me not wanting him to touch my feet!

[comfieday]

This sounds really silly but there's a wider context so not to drip feed.... Context is that DH and I have been having some marriage counselling - issues are lack of regular / exciting sex, perimeno, young DC, various other life / financial stresses all causing general "bleurgh".

On sex, we both feel it's so important to maintain that connection, but unfortunately my libido has suffered after young DC, peri and general stress. Husband is always more up for it than me - a common problem I read about on here. (I'm on HRT).

We've addressed some problems in our marriage and tried various things like more dating / quality time, self care etc and even scheduled sex (husband didn't like doing that).

The other context is that I've always been a ticklish person, and in particular my feet. I hate anyone touching my feet, I don't get pedicures, can't stand anyone touching them, and in bed the absolute worst thing I hate is feet touching feet! It sounds silly but that's always been the case ever since DH has known me so it's a quirk I have.

Last night we had a cuddle in the sofa which was nice, and then in bed we were cuddling. This doesn't always happen so it felt like a positive step. My husband moved his foot onto my foot and I involuntarily flinched my foot away. He was pissed off and decided to roll over and completely shut down. He refused to cuddle and said he'd had enough. I said that I flinched involuntarily as his foot was on my foot, and pointed out I've always been like that about feet. He said "well I've always hated it about you" and then just wanted to go to sleep on the argument.

Today he's been evidently still annoyed.

I get that, in the wider context of poor sex life he feels rejected but it was only the feet thing, and I was happy cuddling etc. I feel like he is using the feet thing to imply I'm rejecting him when I've actually always had very ticklish feet and he knew that about me!

We are meant to be having a day off together today whilst DC at school/nursery but he's gone for a run and left without saying bye.

I feel like we are never going to get back on track!

Bump!

DP is phobic about his feet being touched. I'll admit, I do make fun of him for it occasionally but ultimately I respect it. Any inadvertent foot touching I apologise for. Your husband seems to be making excuses to be in a shit with you. Also, if you're both making an effort, why are cuddles so thin on the ground?

You have boundaries. He doesn’t respect that.

I'd agree that this is an excuse, and the real issue is likely to be the other resentments that you mention have been building up.

The way he's treating you isn't on, though; very immature. Hopefully he comes back from his run having worked out his own emotions and ready to actually talk.

Thanks. Yes cuddles have been thin on the ground lately. I think we got into a rut of sitting apart in the evenings and then the pressure to have sex at bedtime was there so often we wouldn't even cuddle as both if us didn't want to send the wrong messages.

We've spoken about all this though and have been making an effort to cuddle more.

It's annoying that he's picked up on this one aspect of me / quirk and using it to try to suggest I'm difficult / defensive etc.

@MsFrog he's back now and going to have another shower and check his work email. I asked what our plan is for today and he said let's decide once he's ready.

Why can’t he answer a question before he showers? Honestly he’s coming across very poorly here. Sounds like he’s sulking and trying to punish you for not having sex. Total turn off!

Maybe a spell where cuddling is encouraged and sex is off the agenda - agreed so no pressure on anyone.

And does he genuinely understand the detail of why you don't like having your feet touched?

I hate it when anyone tries to run fingers through my hair. Hate it. It's supposed to be romantic and sexy : no. Tangly, curly hair with a tendency to dreadlock at the slightest hint of damp weather. Tugs, pulls, hurts. So sorry if that's what he would like to do - but NO and that's why.