Is it possible to have a complete personality change because of your circumstances?

[Foodorder]

All my life I've thought I was an introvert. At school I was quiet to the point loneliness. As I got older I developed a quiet confidence in my ability to achieve most things, as long as it didn't involve being sociable. I married a good kind man and for 30 years he supported everything I wanted to do (including lots of study and career progression) but also enabled me to avoid anything sociable by basically doing all the talking for me. At work I was brilliant (IMHO 😆) at the technical aspects but was held back by my inability to do anything that looked remotely like networking.

Then DH died and I was on my own. Somehow, I have become a social butterfly and built a life that revolves around being out and about, I've joined groups, been on holiday, even shared a room with people I don't know very well. I can turn up to events and chat to anyone. I've got a new job and have thrown myself into every social/networking event that comes up.

I still enjoy my own company and do that better than I used to as well - love going to the theatre and dinner on my own, which is something I'd never have done "before".

I'm enjoying myself but even to me it seems odd to have such a personality change in your 50s.

I think huge loss can reset you fundamentally. Sorry you lost your dh - maybe this is what you needed in response and have let yourself change. I was once quite an introvert and became very extrovert. My change was deliberate and in response to some events but now I really am that person - lively, gregarious and sociable. I often think we just aren’t one personality that is fixed as even our fundamentals shift.

My dad has had a complete personality change after the loss of my lovely stepmum ten years ago. She was so warm and engaging and just fabulous, my dad was always cold, stiff upper lip etc. When she went my dad disappeared travelling for ten years, we only recently rebuilt our relationship. He’s so funny, and warm, and open now. He recently told me how proud he is of me for the first time in my life, ever. It’s like he’s been abducted by aliens and switched for someone else. 🤣

That’s interesting because it’s the other way for me. I was always super sociable, had a career that involved being a personality. Since the loss of both my parents last year I have completely gone into myself and barely speak to anyone outside of DH and DS. Had a couple of parties I couldn’t avoid this month (friends 50th’s) and I struggled to even hold a conversation with friends / acquaintances. My idea of fun now is spending 3 hours on my own at the gym, which is not who I used to be!