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Would you tell your parents or not bother?

4 replies

whatsshegoingonabout · 26/10/2023 22:00

I’ve come to learn my sister has been telling others she has had a bad childhood. This makes me feel a bit sick because it couldn’t be further from the truth. We all had what we needed and wanted, consistency, love, reliability and more. I know it will seem as if I am denying her experience or invalidating her. I am not meaning to and accept the hypothetical that she had a separate experience that I did not. However, my experience of her in recent years is that she lies freely and manipulates others as she sees fit. I don’t think she (sister) can be very well so I don’t want to turn my back on her entirely. If this is relevant, she has mistreated me in the past quite badly and seems to enjoy push and pull - one day she’s fine with me and the next she is not with no real explanation, blowing very hot and cold.

It is only since a relative in our extended family observed her unsavoury behaviour towards me at a party and challenged her on it, that she has now come to be sharing the belief that she has baggage and healing to do from her upbringing. It surprises me that she thinks this given she will still use our parents for regular childcare and the likes and favours when needed. They would be very upset if they knew she was saying this about them - and crucially, I don’t think it’s true at all.

She will go to the end of the earth to be seen as a victim and this has been the way for years. Is there anything to be gained by telling them (for their awareness, so they can tread carefully with her) or is it just unnecessary involvement from me?

OP posts:
Hearmenow23 · 26/10/2023 22:04

I would ask her about it first, although that sounds like it will turn into a nightmare. Just repeat her words back to her and ask her about it. You could even show faux concern and ask if she's OK. Even though you say she lies, it would be good to hear what she's got to say.

whatsshegoingonabout · 26/10/2023 22:08

Hearmenow23 · 26/10/2023 22:04

I would ask her about it first, although that sounds like it will turn into a nightmare. Just repeat her words back to her and ask her about it. You could even show faux concern and ask if she's OK. Even though you say she lies, it would be good to hear what she's got to say.

Did try. It’s just met with a big reaction and then I am told I am trying to start an argument and not to contact her. Which confuses me as I am only trying to ask her if she’s alright.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 26/10/2023 22:08

No I wouldn't tell my parents. I think that's just shit stirring.

Let your sister be the shit stirrer, but don't get involved

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StrangePaintName · 26/10/2023 22:09

You need to accept that you didn’t have the same childhood, even if you grew up in the same household with the same parents. Siblings often have competing narratives of early experiences.

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