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Original poster

Etiquette Q - giving out wedding invites at a party?

26 replies

Tfann · 26/10/2023 14:26

Is it acceptable to hand out wedding invitations at a Halloween party someone else organised? It will be a casual get together and around 30 people will be there, some I know very well (including host), others I don’t. There will be about 10-15 people who I want to invite to my wedding next year. I don’t have anybody’s address.

Should I
a) hand out my wedding invitations at this party (as discreetly as possible).
b) don’t hand them out and text people instead to ask for their addresses & post them.
c) text people with an e-invite.

OP posts:
NotFastButFurious · 26/10/2023 14:29

I'm more baffled that you're inviting to your wedding and you don't know where they live! How well do you actually know these people??

Original poster
Tfann · 26/10/2023 14:31

@NotFastButFurious maybe it’s got to do with living in a big city, I know the area where they live but not exact street name and house number.

OP posts:
burntoutnurse · 26/10/2023 14:31

I think text asking for address is better option!

Not unusually to not know everyone's address I don't think! I know where people live, or there about but not their actual address so I've text people lol x

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Thebigblueballoon · 26/10/2023 14:32

OP, you need to ask the host if she’d be OK with it. Some people wouldn’t want you to take the attention away from their party. Not me, I wouldn’t be bothered, but it isn’t worth upsetting her.
If she says it’s fine, you’ll also need to find a way to do it without making the non-invited attendees feel a bit awkward.

ProvisionsOnTheDock · 26/10/2023 14:34

Ask them for their address when you see them and make a note in your phone. Unless your wedding is at the beginning of January, it's a bit early to be giving out invitations anyway. I wouldn't give out invitations at someone else's party.

Witchesdontburn · 26/10/2023 14:34

B. Also not fair on the guests left out or the host when the conversation will suddenly centre your wedding and guests

Daytrip · 26/10/2023 14:34

Ask for addresses as you’ll need it for thank you cards anyway ?

Spudlet · 26/10/2023 14:35

Text for the addresses. Regardless of how discreet you try to be, people will react and it will take over the party. Or you’ll look somewhat odd furtively handing over invitations like you’re some sort of black marketeer during the Blitz! It will be awkward for the people you don’t know well enough to invite and people will feel obliged to ask you about the wedding and so on. It will also be far too easy for people to mislay their invitations.

Honestly if I was going to the hassle of hosting a party and someone did this, I’d be a bit miffed.

HappiDaze · 26/10/2023 14:37

Just no

How awkward for anyone not invited

You need peoples addresses

Are you hijacking someone else's friends

It sounds like it

Hbh17 · 26/10/2023 14:37

Find out people's addresses and send out proper invitations by post - that is the only acceptable etiquette for a significant event.

icantchangetime · 26/10/2023 14:38

God no. So rude on many levels.

You're inviting people whose houses you've never been to?

aswarmofmidges · 26/10/2023 14:39

If someone asked it I minded them giving out invites at my party I'd be quite happy - assuming I was getting an invite too

Saves a fortune on stamps

SparkyBlue · 26/10/2023 14:39

NotFastButFurious · 26/10/2023 14:29

I'm more baffled that you're inviting to your wedding and you don't know where they live! How well do you actually know these people??

I wouldn't know the exact addresses of many of my family and friends. I might know their house and I'd be able to drive to it but I might not know the house number and the exact address.

Original poster
Tfann · 26/10/2023 14:41

“Are you hijacking someone else's friends”

😂😂 no, it’s a friends group, we all met through an activity a few years ago and this developed into regular social outings 1-2 per month.

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 26/10/2023 14:43

Text people and get their addresses and then post. It would be incredibly poor form to hand them out at the party as would be asking for their addresses there and then. Send the text after the party and not before.

theduchessofspork · 26/10/2023 14:43

It must be obvious you need to ask the host!

But better all around not to distract from her party with a big event like a wedding - text them, ask their addresses, and post or email.

And maybe take a basic course in manners because this stuff is rudimentary

Original poster
Tfann · 26/10/2023 14:44

I think whether or not you’ve been to peoples houses depends on where you live….we’re all spread across London, and usually we meet somewhere central. I’ve been to some of my friends houses on occasions and I might even be able to find my way back there, but I have no idea what the exact house number or flat number is.

But point taken to not hand them out at the party.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 26/10/2023 14:56

No it's not appropriate. Find out their address and mail it.

Whataretheodds · 26/10/2023 15:03

A) would be very rude. So would asking the host if she minds.

Do b) or c)

Bluetrue · 26/10/2023 15:18

Whataretheodds · 26/10/2023 15:03

A) would be very rude. So would asking the host if she minds.

Do b) or c)

Agree

YaWeeFurryBastard · 26/10/2023 15:23

Thebigblueballoon · 26/10/2023 14:32

OP, you need to ask the host if she’d be OK with it. Some people wouldn’t want you to take the attention away from their party. Not me, I wouldn’t be bothered, but it isn’t worth upsetting her.
If she says it’s fine, you’ll also need to find a way to do it without making the non-invited attendees feel a bit awkward.

Good lord no, please don’t ask the host, she’s hardly going to say no is she and you’ll just make the whole thing rude and comfortable. The key to good etiquette is not making people feel uncomfortable and not trying to bring the focus back onto you at someone else’s event. So no invitation giving or big announcements at events other people are hosting. Basic manners really.

PunchyJudy · 26/10/2023 15:25

Don’t don’t don’t hand them out

EerilyDecorated · 26/10/2023 15:33

Text for addresses. Handing them out at the party is rude and quite likely they'll get lost.

SkaneTos · 26/10/2023 15:36

Don't do it. It's rude.

I was a at a party recently when another guest (someone I know) handed out invites to another party. I did not get an invite. It was not a nice feeling to stand there next to other people getting invited.
I do not expect to be invited to everything. Certainly not. But as I said, it was not a nice feeling.

Do not be rude.

Snugglemonkey · 26/10/2023 15:46

I don't think you should. Wedding invitations should be posted.