Doing someone a favour but ...

[threeblowdries]

If you're doing someone a favour but inconveniencing yourself to do it , do you do it graciously or let them know they're putting you out.

Family member has done this to me and I can't work out if I'm right to be annoyed.

I'm talking in a someone dead or in hospital situation so once every 12 /18 months.
I will ring and say so and so has died is in hospital could you watch the kids for a bit while I deal with some stuff.
And they'll say yes just let me cancel bingo / lunch / dinner / cinema trip whatever and it always make me feel bad for asking.
This is the only time I ask for help.
I don't think I would tell someone that I was cancelling plans to help them in an emergency !

Yanbu. I hope you’re ok

Well I don't think that they are doing anything wrong by mentioning that they will just need to rearrange/cancel something but are happy to help so I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about.

YABU, they've helped you so I don't know why you'd be annoyed with them.

If it's phrased the way you've written it then it sounds more conversational than guilt tripping

Is it possible they're just thinking out loud? I will do this sometimes - it has literally nothing to do with whomever I'm talking to, but sometimes my memory works better if I make a verbal list of what I have to do at that moment in time.

Only you can judge the tone, OP.

YABU. They're helping you. It's normal that people will need to rearrange/cancel activities if asked for a favour at short notice. I think you're reading too much into this.

I think it's reasonable, obviously the tone dictates what they mean by it but it sounds here as though it's more that they're thinking out loud about what's practically involved.

Ultimately, people do have their own lives and usually are going to have to jump to alter commitments in these circumstances, that doesn't mean they aren't doing it willingly or don't care as much as they should, it's just a fact of life. I don't think they're obliged to pretend their genuine plans and obligations away nor do you need to feel bad about them when the help was willingly given and the support is there, they've shown up.

Thanks for the reality check.
Just needed a sounding board.
Off to grow a thicker skin .