How to move forward with life? Help

[WitheringTights000]

have previously posted about moving to London and I just cannot make up my mind about where to go next in life and I am getting quite distressed about it.

So I am 31 and from NI. Most my age are married and starting families here. I missed out a lot on going out in my 20's due to I'll health etc and most I knew have actually left NI. So if I stay here I would need to make new friends which I think would be hard.

Options are Dublin two hours away, very multicultural, compared to where I am from, easier to meet people, more nights out etc.

London- similar scenario.

However both London and Dublin are very expensive and in terms of places to live, the only places that I would consider would cost around 24k for the year.

It seems like a ridiculous amount of money to Piss down the drain. For one year.

I did just go on a much needed holiday, went on a guided tour with others in their 30's , made great friends, was expensive but worth it. They are all from the US though and I was considering a trip to where they are from next year (west coast) ....I would probably be staying in hotels though...

I just can't decide on what to do. Only have around 2.5k to my name atm so none of these things are really an option without further saving.

I would also add that I would really like to meet someone and I'm not sure whether London is actually the best place for that.

Is it worth it to blow that much on rent in Dublin or London for one year then have nothing to show for it? When I could go on a great trip to the west coast? I have really missed out on travelling the past decade and it's on my 'bucket list'

If someone can offer any advice it would be so much appreciated as I feel really sad about missing out on so much of life in my 20's and feel things are not going forward for me at all!

I feel like I can't think straight as I'm in panic mode and worried about making the wrong decision!

I am sorry you were ill op but you are still very young with life ahead of you and now I hope your health is better.
I suppose my first question is what do you want? Why do you want to move is it to meet someone? Is this for work opportunities?
does it have to be a city? If you’re not sure what you want it might be easier to think of it in terms of how do you want your life to look when you are 45 and go from there to plan some steps about how that will happen. I hope that makes sense.
I also think we can all relate to the feeling of not knowing what to do with our lives and being unsure of what to do next.

What is your situation currently, and the alternatives to London or Dublin?

My personal opinion would be not to move to the city (or at least, not London. I don’t know Dublin). Being strapped for cash in the city is not much fun, especially when you get a bit older. I think it’s easy to watch episodes of ‘Friends’ and start to hanker after that life - but it’s not very realistic.

In your shoes I would definitely use the money on travel, and pick somewhere else (a large town?) to live where you will be happy to start putting down roots (if you get on with your parents, not too far from them). With regards finding a partner, what sort of man do you want? You could pick and outdoorsy place / university town / rural town depending on the sort of person you hope to meet there?

I would try and get a job in one of those cities before getting accommodation and then get accommodation that suits the job. I would also consider renting a room in a house, can be a good way to meet people.

Re where if you did find someone where would you want to live - if that's London then go there, if its Dublin then there. I think its relatively easy to meet someone in London though its like anywhere no guarantees.

Travel could also be good but expensive though another option would be to travel and work. Depends a bit what you do and how in demand that is.

Why London or Dublin and what are you options for work like? There are other major cities that have plenty of job opportunities, multi cultural, single folk etc etc that would be cheaper to live in. We were saying last night at running club how hard it is to make friends in your 30’s if you move and don’t have kids because so many people are settling down and have small kids but by the time you’re in your 40’s and 50’s those people are getting their life back and joining clubs and societies again.

@Spambod and @Shyandhiding - thank for both for replying.

@Spambod - I do have chronic ongoing health issues. They are not going away but the problem in my 20's was I was unable to work at all due to the nature of my conditions or travel either so I was stuck at home, no money etc.

Now I am in a fully remote role so I can work full time, I am still living at home with my parents which is making me feel really anxious as I'm not where I want to be.

They have told me they will help me buy somewhere/give me a deposit but it will be in a year or so.

@Shyandhiding - I think the attraction for Dublin is it's not that far away from me (2 hours) but very very different in terms of a lot more sociable/people from all over the world go to live there etc so It's not like where I am from. I could save for a while and save one years rent as it's the rent that is the expensive part. But then at the end of it I will have spent roughly €24,000 on rent. And that's just for an ensuite in a flat share.

@silkiefloof - I agree. A flatmate is a great way to meet people. But the places I like are still like €1.8k per month for a flatshare or around £1.5-£1.8k in London. It really is a huge amount of money.

@NotFastButFurious - I work fully remotely. I guess with those cities there are deffo more people single in their 30's so I thought easier to meet people. I hope I don't have to wait until my 40's-50's to meet people 🥴🥴

I think you’ll find single people in other major cities…….Manchester, Newcastle, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Birmingham etc….it seems to me like there’s a fair few northern Irish folk in Scotland who came here for uni (I guess due
to proximity and ferry links) and have stayed.

You sound like you have lovely parents ☺️ Will their help buy you a place within an easy commute of Dublin?
Totally see your point about spending so much money on rent.
Maybe spend this year saving up so that when you buy, you can buy somewhere in or around Dublin? And if you can afford it, a little bit of travel too?

the only places that I would consider would cost around 24k for the year

You're creating your own problems there. Why wouldn't you live in one of those cities but somewhere cheaper? If you can't comfortably afford that amount, you need to consider paying less. There's plenty of decent places that don't cost the earth.

Is Edinburgh a bit cheaper? It's close to NI and is multicultural.

Good idea from @Shyandhiding. Lots of border towns where you can commute to Dublin.

Also south London is cheaper than north London and lots of decent places which wouldn't cost £1.8k

I think it's going to be hard to meet new people in London if you're WFH every day. There's a lot of socialising in pubs after work before everyone tunes, trains or buses it home