Is this ADHD/ASD? Please help me understand what's going on with my kid

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DS age 8 has trouble responding to spoken instructions and usually has to be asked several times before the penny drops that he's being asked to do something. He then forgets what the instruction was and becomes distracted/wanders off. He's told us that he really tries to focus on what he's supposed to be doing but it's like his mind is pulling him away from it, to the point where he can't mentally put the steps in place to do the thing (even something as simple as brushing his teeth). It's frustrating and very time consuming, and we're all at the end of our tethers.

At school he's flying academically but is badly organised and slow to start work, meaning he's often having to catch-up. Conversely he does really well in written/online assessments and often achieves maximum scores. School have started making noises that he could be facing a barrier when it comes to processing spoken information and instructions but they don't know what it could be, and neither do we. The SENCO is great but at the minute she's at a loss as to how to support him. We're a neurodiverse family with ADHD and ASD on both sides but DS doesn't quite seem to fit the mould of either of those, nor does PDA seem to fit, so we're not sure where to start with getting him assessed (which we'd like to do so that if there is a reason we can work with the school to support him). Does this sound familiar to anyone and can anyone help to shed some light?

My first thought is something like DLD .

Hi OP, my DS1 is the same and has both ASD and ADHD diagnoses. He is 11 next week.

He’s top of his class academically but his executive function (personal organisation, motivation, prioritisation etc.) is poor, and he is on the SEN register and has extra time for his SATs. He is also medicated in school for his ADHD, which has transformed him into a (mainly 🤣) model student.

He has lots of friends and is very empathetic, which is normal for the ‘AuDHD’ profile.

At home, I tend to ‘chivvy’ by trying to do
stuff alongside him and breaking my instructions into tiny chunks.

Feel free to ask questions!

They are common traits of being neurodiverse.
Short direct instructions help. Don't give them in a string.
Giving instructions in a routine order can help too. I get mine ready for school by working them from bedroom to front door in order to cut distraction opportunities.
At school, visual prompts can help. My 10yo knows the different parts of writing, but can't put more than a few together while focusing on content, so his teacher is putting together a checklist of basics to have a routine of checking so he doesn't have to put it all together in his head. Some children need regular check ins to check they know what they're doing, and that they're still on track and haven't drifted off.

I still have to remind my dyspraxic, autistic 12yo to sit before eating. Then pick his cutlery up instead of using hands. He still autopilots to see food, approach, grab, insert.

Thank you for the really helpful replies. If I’m completely honest he probably does have done other ASD/ADHD traits that we’ve overlooked. He can be VERY obsessive about people/things and sometimes behaves in odd ways, such as making really loud noises in a quiet space. I realise these traits in isolation don’t necessarily mean he’s neurodiverse but combined with the issues he’s having at school I guess they might. Thanks again, very much appreciated.

I’d make a private app to discuss with an ed psych - they’ll guide you which direction to look at

Auditory Processing maybe?

Inattentive ADHD (ADD)?

Find out the referral process in your area to see a paediatrician. In our area, you need to be referred by your GP but will need a report from your school (usually senco) to support this.

This won't be a main diagnosis but how about Auditory Processing disorder? It's a co morbid condition with other neurodiversities, but that does. Impacts execution function etc and might explain why you feel that he isn't a classic profile of ASD/ PDA / ADHD; it could be impacting the treasures from the other conditions, and adding an extra dimension.

It could be ADD the inattention form of ADHD. This is associated with hyperfocus when there is adrenaline circulating which is why he does well in formal tests.

Visual timetables are your friend when it comes to basic daily routines.

Sounds same as my child who got an autism diagnosis aged 10 and wholm I strongly suspect has ADD. They just about coped through primary but falling apart now in secondary year 7-8, even after securing a EHCP with loads of support. I would keep a diary for a few weeks of the areas he struggles with and consider that if you are a ND family sometimes it’s harder to “see” all the things you do to scaffold your child to cope until they aren’t anymore.