Overwhelmed and don’t know where to start

[ColdinNovember]

not sure if this is best place to post but here goes …

i feel overwhelmed in pretty much every aspect of life at the moment.

At home I just see mess and DIY jobs that I can’t afford to have done and don’t have the skills to do myself. I want to be able to invite my kids’ or my own friends over but I’m too embarrassed to at the minute.

work is busy and stressful. I work long days when they are not here and end up wasting my weekends sleeping in and sitting around doing nothing during my child free weekend days if I don’t work.

My kids obviously need me, I share custody and still feel and overwhelming responsibility for all of the important stuff but a sort of inadequacy that I’m only with them half the time. I feel my tolerance to them and their sibling bickering is low and it’s affecting our time together.

I need to lose around 4-5 stone. I want to feel confident and be healthy but food is the first thing I reach for if I’m stressed, angry, sad, happy and everything in between.

I just don’t know where to start, I feel my their childhood (DD) especially is slipping away. I don’t have any regrets regarding my relationship ending with dad but feel like I’m not thriving in the way I thought I might when it did.

This my advice to myself and what worked for me:

Start small. Write lists and tick stuff off as you do it. Sort out/clean room by room. When it gets overwhelming, go and sit in whatever room is the best. Allow yourself to sit and wallow a bit - but only after you've done something on the list. Ask a trusted friend to help if you can't get motivated on your own.

If you can afford it, timetable an exercise class. Bit by bit, change your lifestyle. Drink more water, be as active as you can, try to reduce sugar/treats to occasional. If no spare cash there are free online workouts you can do (Eg The Body Coach). Although it always feels like you don't have enough energy to work out, weirdly you actually feel more energised afterwards. The endorphins really make a difference to your mood and attitude.

Finally try to work out what makes you feel good and try to do something from that list every day. Don't have to be big things but something like reading for a bit, crafts, listening to music, walks etc etc. try to use this as your reward instead of food. If time/money allows, take up a new hobby or interest to give you something to work on/aim towards.

Just wanted to say solidarity, my life also feels like it's careered off the rails and I honestly don't know if I have the strength left to pull it back.

The way you talk to yourself can really help to shift your mindset. As silly as it sounds get into the habit of repeating to yourself 10x a day something positive about yourself e.g. "I am doing the best I can" or "I am rebuilding my life in a positive direction". Keep saying them until you believe it, it'll feel pointless at first but it does help.

As catsnore said, break your big chunks down into smaller lists. Get a whiteboard and write sections like "House" "Kids" "Me time" etc and try and do at least one task a week. Really congratulate yourself after completing something, even if it's something as small as 'put laundry away' - again sounds silly but positive affirmations can be a good way to start feeling less overwhelmed.

On your child free days aim to do something for yourself, go for a walk, chill with a book. After doing this, again really tell yourself "wow, go me! That was such a great thing I just did for myself." Start small and be good to yourself, it will help with every other area of your life trust me :)

Thanks everybody I know you are all correct I just need the strength to start.

take care @OctoblocksAssemble