Dating 🚩

[laura6767]

Am I being love bombed? 🚩

I’ve been seeing someone for 2 months.
He mentioned going on holiday together for some winter sun on the third date. He has probably mentioned it every time I’ve seen him since - wanting to book it. We have both found some hotels but I’m having some doubts. It’s not been booked yet.

He has mentioned a couple of times about him getting me a big engagement ring for when we go on this holiday. Sort of in a joke way? But I’ve just said something like haha don’t say that, as it freaked me out a bit. He still said it again on another date, after I said that.

I would say he is a little pushy, whereas I am very much a go with the flow sort of person. So I have a tendency to not push back/assert boundaries sometimes (which I am working on).

Things have come to a head in my mind after the last time I saw him. We had sex and the condom broke. I mentioned to him
a while ago that I’m not on the pill or anything and we have been using condoms for the last couple of weeks. He told me it broke after he finished (I didn’t notice). He said he thought it had during, as ‘it suddenly felt loads better down there’. I was annoyed and said I would have to get the morning after pill. He just laughed and said sorry. On reflection I’ve been wondering whether his comments mean he knew it broke but carried on anyway? If he suspected it had broken during, he should have checked, before finishing surely? I’ve not had this happen before so i’m not sure if men can typically tell when the condom breaks during sex.

I’ve been looking up the signs of live bombing and he isn’t particularly clingy, just keen, he hasn’t given me any large gifts or told me he loves me. I’m just not sure if his is more subtle but still love bombing type behaviour?

We have a lot in common otherwise and seem to broadly have the same life goals and values otherwise. We are both looking for a serious relationship. I do like him but I’m conscious that future promising and being pushy on what he wants are potential love bombing tactics. I’m also concerned about the condom situation. I would love to get an objective view please. What do people think? Should I be worried or am I overthinking?

I would be suspicious.
Are you sure that the condom was on in the first place?

Yes I saw it went on and the ring was still on the bottom when he’d finished.

Wow, he really is pushy, isn’t he? If a friend of mine told me this, I’d be very concerned for her. I think the condom thing would worry me most of all. The engagement ring and the 3rd date holiday suggestion are clearly insane, but you could just laugh those off as him not being serious. But the condom thing shows that you can’t trust him to have your welfare or your best interests in mind while he’s on his little mission to break down your boundaries.

I don’t think that this is a good man and if you were my friend, I’d be advising you to chuck this one back.

Since this is one of the very few situations where this might actually be relevant and useful, I will start with: "man here."

I can confirm that unless he is very young and sexually inexperienced, there is a 100% chance that he knew that the condom had broken, and that he carried on anyway while knowing this.

If he also knew beforehand that you had no other contraception, then one of the following (or similar) must be true: he may be very selfish and uncaring, or he may have zero self-control in the presence of his own sexual desire, or he may wanted to get you pregnant.

None of these are good. Even a man who is very excited should remain capable and willing to stop, or at least pause to apply a new condom, in that type of situation.

So I agree with the general sentiment of "chuck him back."