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Original poster

Would you allow 11 year old to...

38 replies

growingupdilemmas · 24/10/2023 07:05

Basically, leave his tutoring session on his own at 6pm, go to the shop along the same small road and buy himself a snack whilst he waits for me.

He has tutoring there twice a week, I'm always on time but this week I may struggle due to a new boss and things being tense at work.

I won't be later than 15 minutes late and only if absolutely unavoidable so I'm stuck with the choice of either just risking being 15 minutes delayed which is rude to staff or giving him permission to leave on his own and spend those 15 minutes getting himself a snack.

The tutoring company do let children his age leave alone if they have parental permission.

He is sensible and quite risk averse so I can trust him not to wander off.

The tutoring centre has an open reception so if he got scared he could go back inside there and ask for help.

Would you be comfortable with this? I'm running out of options 😬

OP posts:
WeighDownOnMeStayTillMorning · 24/10/2023 07:06

Of course.

Nokoolaidherethanks · 24/10/2023 07:07

Yes. I'd make sure he had a phone in case of a problem tho.

KateyCuckoo · 24/10/2023 07:07

Yes absolutely

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Lamelie · 24/10/2023 07:07

What time does reception close?
I’d be happy with the going to get a snack etc. but the hanging about is risky.

StrangePaintName · 24/10/2023 07:08

Where will he actually wait for you? Or are you saying the walk to the shop will take up the full time between the end of the tutorial and your arrival?

Doingmybest12 · 24/10/2023 07:11

What type of street is it. Full of shops within a few steps and lots of people going to and fro or quieter ? I would say can he nip for a snack and go and wait in the reception or take a snack and wait in reception. There is no need to wait on the street so why do this?

PerspiringElizabeth · 24/10/2023 07:12

Definitely

Nothankyou22 · 24/10/2023 07:18

My son has a phone and a bank account,
if there’s a reception I’d rather him wait there just for peace of mind.
My son is very stranger danger aware but be more worried about darker nights and being mugged or similar

Original poster
growingupdilemmas · 24/10/2023 07:26

Lamelie · 24/10/2023 07:07

What time does reception close?
I’d be happy with the going to get a snack etc. but the hanging about is risky.

His lessons last term finished at 7pm so I think the centre is open well beyond the time I'd be there. Just asked him and he would prefer to sit in reception.
As a one off (which it would be) I doubt they'd be that upset I just feel rude expecting them to babysit my son after his lesson.
Plus in the count down to secondary I'm looking for ways to encourage independence a little.

OP posts:
Original poster
growingupdilemmas · 24/10/2023 07:27

StrangePaintName · 24/10/2023 07:08

Where will he actually wait for you? Or are you saying the walk to the shop will take up the full time between the end of the tutorial and your arrival?

Yes I wouldn't be massively late so by the time he'd wandered to the shop, chosen a snack and bought it I'd be there (my estimate is about 15 minutes late at most.

OP posts:
Workawayxx · 24/10/2023 07:28

Yes, I’d be fine with this for my 11 yo ds as long as he was fine with it and had a phone so he could chat with you if feeling anxious.

SaltyGod · 24/10/2023 07:29

Yes I’d be happy. Mine would probably rather read at book in the reception than walk in the cold to a shop, but I’d be happy with either if the area was safe

Original poster
growingupdilemmas · 24/10/2023 07:29

Doingmybest12 · 24/10/2023 07:11

What type of street is it. Full of shops within a few steps and lots of people going to and fro or quieter ? I would say can he nip for a snack and go and wait in the reception or take a snack and wait in reception. There is no need to wait on the street so why do this?

Reasonably busy I'd say, there's always a few other parents around dropping and collecting their kids from tutoring plus a few residential houses with people coming and going.

OP posts:
Lamelie · 24/10/2023 07:30

Snack and back to reception sounds perfect then. He’s ‘being independent’ but also has a purpose. If it’s raining or he doesn’t fancy it he can stay put.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/10/2023 07:31

Send him with a snack and wait in reception. Not because he’s not capable of doing it himself but because it’ll probably be tipping it down. (Yes I know he won’t melt but who wants to hang around in the rain?)

WeighDownOnMeStayTillMorning · 24/10/2023 08:34

Maybe it's a case of where you live offering different perspectives, but how would it be 'risky'?

My 11 year old regularly doesn't come home for up to an hour after school finishes, and I know he's with his friends, going to the shops, etc.

Burnoutwhat · 24/10/2023 08:43

Yes of course. Do they have a reception he can wait in?

allsfairin · 24/10/2023 08:46

sounds completely fine

Crunchymum · 24/10/2023 08:47

I have a year 6 (almost) 11yo and we're also trying to encourage independence.

You say this is a once off? So I'd go with whatever he is more comfortable with but if its going to be a regular occurrence then my concern would be the weather. Walking to the shop and back in horrible weather isn't very appealing?

Starrystarryfight · 24/10/2023 08:49

It will be dark at 6pm soon. That may or may not make a difference to you but I don’t like my 11 year old being out after dark tbh

BitofaStramash · 24/10/2023 08:50

Yes.

My 11 year old is allowed to catch the bus, go to the shops, swimming, cinema.

So snack buying would be fine with me.

Lealea4 · 24/10/2023 08:50

Yes of course

margotrose · 24/10/2023 08:50

The actual task is fine but it might be a bit miserable waiting for you in the cold and the rain at this time of year.

Fuckitydoodah · 24/10/2023 08:51

Yes, sounds fine. At 11 we need to start loosening the reins a bit and getting DC to do stuff alone. Otherwise we end up with older kids too frightened/shy to do anything without handholding.

NuffSaidSam · 24/10/2023 08:51

I'd rather he wait in reception.

I'm all for encouraging independence, but loitering in a shop while waiting for you to come doesn't seem a particularly pleasant first step.

I'd be happy for him to go and get a snack and then return and wait in the reception area. I wouldn't tell him he needs to kill 15 minutes in the shop/street through.

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