Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Is there a polite way to ask someone not to buy gifts from Temu for my DC?

22 replies

JustKeepSlimming · 23/10/2023 22:08

PIL are very kind and like to buy lots of gifts for the DGC at Christmas. However, they tend to get sucked into buying the biggest possible pile they can, which means lots of stuff from cheap shop/websites. The problem is that a lot of it breaks easily, and some of it is downright dangerous - e.g. DS received a toy one year which had a loose battery compartment; when he picked it up, button batteries went everywhere.

I'm particularly worried that they'll have discovered Temu this year. Obviously there are lots of reasons to avoid Temu, but my main issue is that a lot of the stuff is apparently untested, doesn't meet safety standards etc., and for that reason I don't want my DC to have it. Same with Shein etc.

We'll be at their house on Christmas morning when the DC open their presents, and there won't really be an opportunity to "hide" things discreetly the way I could do at home. Also there are lots of people there on Christmas Day, which makes it difficult to watch the kids and make sure they're not doing something they shouldn't, like eating a battery. Plus, I don't really want to have to watch them like a hawk all day. DC are 8 & 6, so they're not likely to be licking toys etc (though it's not impossible), but it's more things like plastic shattering in their hands, things falling apart and leaving little loose bits lying about etc.

Is there a polite way to say that I'd rather the DC didn't receive lots of small, cheap toys? I've tried suggesting a couple of larger toys that I know they'd love, and which would still make a reasonable-sized pile, but from past experience I imagine they'll buy a pile of cheap stuff instead.

To be clear, I've no objection to cheap stuff per se, and I don't want them to spend any more money than they normally would; I've just heard a few horror stories of things people have bought from these websites, and if they're going to spend £200, I'd rather it was on a couple of big things instead of tons of stuff that's going to be of questionable quality.

OP posts:

CrystalDay · 23/10/2023 22:19

I don't think there is really a polite way to say that.

Got my fingers crossed for you that they haven't actually discovered temu.

happylittlesloth · 23/10/2023 22:20

Is your partner, their child, able to have a word? They may have to be quite blunt about it but best to do it now before shopping begins.

CurlewKate · 23/10/2023 22:22

They are 8&6-surely they're not at the swallowing batteries stage?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas General shopping Toys

Isthisexpected · 23/10/2023 22:23

I would get your husband to send them a link to the ethical shopping guide and/or say we're becoming a plastic free toy/UK made only home. I can't understand people using these websites.

bossybloss · 23/10/2023 22:23

Could you not ask if they would like a list of toys to choose from ? You could then specify the brand etc

SirWalterElliot · 23/10/2023 22:23

Maybe go for the 'now they're getting older, they're getting a bit fussier and would prefer x y z specific things'? Tell them the kids have made lists, would they like to see the list to get some ideas?

Depends how sensitive the GPs will be about it though, I know some people wouldn't even like that.

bossybloss · 23/10/2023 22:25

… or maybe get them to add to collections of stuff…. Lego, Brio (is that still a thing??) or even a selection of books , which can be as cheap or expensive as you want.

RosaBaby2 · 23/10/2023 22:25

I would just be honest and say please don't buy toys from Shein and Temu etc. Most Shein toys are marketed as pet toys because they're not safety tested and made out of potentially hazardous materials.

Tarantella6 · 23/10/2023 22:29

Dc are 10 and 8 and for the last few years it has been very clear that they have their own ideas about what they want and it's a big risk to go off piste! I would definitely go down the route of they're getting older, everyone knows the toys get smaller as the children get bigger, no-one is expecting a mountain of plastic like toddlers get - but also they don't want a mountain of plastic, they won't play with it and you don't want PIL to waste their money when dc really want xyz.

MrsHsGirl · 23/10/2023 22:30

I think I would bring up a story about a 'friend' who'd bought something from there and it being very dangerous and then also hearing someone else had had a similar issue.... then say gosh so I'm definitely not going to buy from there so thought I'd better let you know not to either just in case!

HappyMavis · 23/10/2023 22:32

You could come up with some sort of convoluted nonsense (see above) or go with (and this quote might sound familiar) -

"there are lots of reasons to avoid Temu, but my main issue is that a lot of the stuff is apparently untested, doesn't meet safety standards etc., and for that reason I don't want my DC to have it. Same with Shein etc."

Hope that helps!

ColleenDonaghy · 23/10/2023 22:34

MrsHsGirl · 23/10/2023 22:30

Yes I was going to say the same. I wouldn't even say Temu, just say a cheap online store.

elliejjtiny · 23/10/2023 22:35

I get this. My youngest has ASD and PIL kept buying him completely inappropriate gifts and then moaning that he didn't like them. I kept making suggestions of things he would like and they kept ignoring me. It took years but one day they listened to me and bought him a vibrating pillow, while saying that they couldn't understand why he could ever want that. He absolutely loved it and now they ask me for a list for every birthday and Christmas. It's brilliant because their budget is about 5 times the amount ours is so they can buy him some of the expensive sensory stuff that we can't afford. But it took several years of them buying him Lego which he either ignored or tried to put in his mouth before they started listening to me.

Got2getout · 23/10/2023 22:36

I would just say very bluntly that you’ve heard some awful stories and websites such as Temu selling toys that are unsafe and will not allow your children to have them. Then, just advise them to not purchase anything from that site, or similar sites. Suggest that they stick to trusted, recognised websites or high street shops. There are plenty of opportunities to buy cheap crap on the high street (if they are fans of big piles of cheap crap 😉), but at least it has a better chance of conforming to safety standards.

saraclara · 23/10/2023 22:41

MrsHsGirl · 23/10/2023 22:30

Are you teaching your kids to lie, too?

I'd be so disappointed if my adult kids patronised me with this kind of dishonesty. I'd far rather they just said:
"we've been hearing a lot about shoddy dangerous stuff coming from these new Chinese online companies, so if you're looking for things for the kids for Christmas, can you please not get anything from those sites? I can share the kids' wishlists with you if you'd like some ideas"...or some such straightforward communication.

Bruises1 · 23/10/2023 22:53

Put a limit on number of toys. No more than 2, 5, 10 - pick your number.

They'll likely have a budget and if they buy less than they'll probably spend more per present.

Fingers crossed anyway.

It's easier to say - you want to limit the presents because you have too much stuff, it's not used, the environment, storage - pick your thing. Impose the same rule on your own parents and yourself. That's stil a whole heap of presents. Say 5 from you, 5 from PIL's, 5 from Santa, 5 from other grandparents etc.

Thatsmoneyhoney · 23/10/2023 23:04

We have this exact issue with gifts purchased on amazon. 9/10 gifts end up being thrown out becuase they have broken or are unsafe.
I was just honest with my parents and inlaws and said that we aren't being ungrateful but would prefer gifts that are from trusted brands such as fisher price because they have to meet safety standards.
We have started doing a wish list on amazon for our kids which we share on birthday and Xmas and people chose a gift that we have put on the list but we don't know what's been bought so it's still a surprise.

junbean · 24/10/2023 00:39

I don't think you can specifically request that or change their thinking unless they ask you for that advice. The only thing I can think of that could work is to tell them you're going plastic-free or don't have any space for toys, so you are requesting only books for gifts. I've seen this a few times on birthday invites so it's a generally accepted thing. What most likely ends up happening is they still buy toys but only a few, like you wanted.

Jewelspun · 24/10/2023 00:50

Say you don't want toys can they buy tickets dow the Panto instead and then you all have a lovely day out.

PaminaMozart · 24/10/2023 01:06

As well as telling them that these toys have not been tested and therefore may not meet safety standards, but many of them are being manufactured by underage children working long days in unregulated sweatshops.

Original poster

JustKeepSlimming · 24/10/2023 10:29

Thanks everyone.

My DC are passed the "eating batteries" stage (hopefully), but their younger cousins will be around and I'm not sure about them. It's also the risk of plastic just breaking into splinters, or things like those squishy toys (the ones with a kind of "net" thing around them) potentially bursting, thugs like that.

We've tried making a list, but they tend to ignore it (or they'll buy something "similar" but cheaper, eg fake Lego, which doesn't fit together properly etc).

I don't think they'd be bothered about the manufacturing conditions (they'll just say "oh, everywhere is just as bad"), so can't go down that route.

I think it would be best just to say it directly to them, I just don't know whether it's very rude? I would make it clear than I'm happier for them to receive less stuff; I'm not expecting them to buy the same amount of stuff at higher prices.

OP posts:

MuggleMe · 24/10/2023 10:42

I'd focus on please don't buy from there as things breaking/are dangerous. And sadly accept that they're wasting money by not getting something your kids actually want.

Flip