Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

My mother's family and blood line are evil

29 replies

Bluewaterloo · 23/10/2023 15:31

My mother comes from a large family of siblings.

The youngest is an uncle, I think there is something not quite right about him. Something undiagnosed. Maybe an undiagnosed asd or aspergers. There's something not quite right with him but I don't know what it is. The country of birth and the time he was born in, it probably would have been hidden and no diagnosis was sought.

He never met anyone or had kids of his own. He eventually became a carer for their own mother, my grandmother. The last few years she was in a nursing home. I don't know who paid for that. I suspect maybe my aunt's assets. She had a lot of land from her late husband and she sold it all. Probably got a lot of money. I don't know.

When she died, my uncle got an inheritance. I don't know what he got. He got the family home anyways. I don't know if there was any other inheritance. Some of my aunt's thinks he got some money because their mother selling a lot of land. I reckon if my granny had a lot of money, a lot of it would have been spent on nursing home care.

Anyways a terrible situation developed in the years after my granny's death. He became lonely and he started to phone a lot of his siblings. I suppose for company. I think his calls were maybe somewhat too much. A lot of his siblings went against him for this. There's only maybe about two or three of them who only keeps in contact very briefly with him. But only on their terms. So maybe about once a month. My mother is one of them. My mother is only ever keeping in touch with him in the hope of getting a cash payout from him. That's it. She views him as someone who is rich because he got the inheritance. Anytime they do chat on the phone she never asks him directly for money. She gives him vague hints of financial issues in like telling him of a broken down appliance whether true or not in the hope of getting a cash payment from him.

Whatever sort of an inheritance he got all them years ago, it's got to be gone. That's what I reckon anyways. He is receiving a disability payment from the state and that's means tested. I really don't think he has the money that they think he has. Either that or he has loads of cash stacked and hidden under his mattress. I find this hard to believe though.

This brings me to my current situation.

My mother received a call from one of her sisters last week or the week before. A sister in law is trying to organise a visit. My aunt has a vague plan of coming to her home county but when she does come she can only stay at the other end of the county with the sister in law. She has an underlying condition and maybe she may not be able to do a lot of visiting. She would like to see my mother but it would involve my mother travelling to her. My mother doesn't drive. Already my mother took interest in this vague plan and she would like me and my partner to help her and drive her.

So far there plans are only vague. I reckon nothing will come of it.

This brings me to my issue.

My mother sometimes has treated me appalling because I am the wrong sex for her preference. She always treated my brothers better than me. She only tolerates me but I live on edge for her next flip and outburst of anger and twisted rage towards me. She flips over very little and I am always her trigger.

She has a sister who is not much better and her sister facilitated much worse abuse to one of her daughter's when she was small. It's worse and I don't need to type it here.

Basically my mother's family and blood line are evil and dirty. That's all they are. I don't want to sit at a table in a restaurant with my mother or any of my aunts and sit with hypocrites. What they are doing to their younger brother is appalling. Some of them don't talk to him because he's lonely and others only talk to him in the hope of getting money out of him. Another aunt was successful many times of getting hundreds out of him. If my mother wants to meet her sister, she can travel herself and without me and keep me out of it but she probably won't be able to travel herself.

OP posts:
Rocksonabeach · 23/10/2023 15:34

Why aren’t you NC? Do you live with her?

Bluewaterloo · 23/10/2023 15:35

AIBU unreasonable to pull back and not help my mother with meeting her family. If she does continue to make plans she will make them expecting me to drop everything I have and help her and she will make plans without any consideration for me. I have an underlying condition too that my mother never cared to learn about and she has no unstanding of my condition and sometimes I get sore and sick and sometimes I don't feel like doing much. Yet, she will expect me to drop what I have and travel across the country to meet with one of her sisters. They are all bad people and I do t want to sit in a restaurant with any of them.

OP posts:
Laiste · 23/10/2023 15:36

Don't then.
How old are you OP?

You've no obligation to be anything you don't want to be to your parents.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Coldinscotland · 23/10/2023 15:38

I haven't spoken to my parents for over 20 years. Advise you to try it op.

potatoheads · 23/10/2023 15:39

I'm not quite understanding you. Evil is a very strong word. So the siblings are not close and they hope for some money from one sibling. Bit mercenary perhaps but hardly evil.

AutumnCrow · 23/10/2023 15:41

Basically my mother's family and blood line are evil and dirty.

Give over.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 23/10/2023 15:44

"Bloodline" includes you. You are her daughter.

Clearly there are some toxic individuals and relationships in your family, but your title is over the top. This is not about cursed blood, it's just plain old nasty people.

Biasquia · 23/10/2023 15:45

Evil is going to trigger some of the responses you get here but it does all sound incredibly dysfunctional.

Bluewaterloo · 23/10/2023 15:52

There is a sister and a brother who abused a child when she was small. They are evil.

The rest of them - they are not very great either. Some of them has abused women as in daughters in the family by making them feelin inferior because they are female. Just making small of them while they boost up their sons. It's all throught their family.

Then there is the case of ignoring their youngest brother who has issues while also expecting money out of him.

OP posts:
Laiste · 23/10/2023 15:58

Do you live with them OP? How old are you?

Biasquia · 23/10/2023 16:04

Bluewaterloo · 23/10/2023 15:52

There is a sister and a brother who abused a child when she was small. They are evil.

The rest of them - they are not very great either. Some of them has abused women as in daughters in the family by making them feelin inferior because they are female. Just making small of them while they boost up their sons. It's all throught their family.

Then there is the case of ignoring their youngest brother who has issues while also expecting money out of him.

Honestly @Bluewaterloo you can analyse and evaluate them and label them as much as you need to, but you would be much better off putting as much distance as possible between you and them.

Teaandbiscuits60 · 23/10/2023 16:11

Did you have another grandmother who will be sympathetic?

ComtesseDeSpair · 23/10/2023 16:22

I’m not surprised there’s bad feeling - it sounds as though one child of a group of siblings was given a significant inheritance and the others much less or nothing - after one of them having paid for the nursing home your grandmother lived in. Your mum and her aunts probably see getting money from their brother as some sort of compensation. It sounds like an entirely dysfunctional family and dynamics you’d probably be a lot mentally healthier for if you stayed out; but evil is a bit of a stretch.

INeedAnotherName · 23/10/2023 16:33

You do realise you are part of that bloodline? And since you are nothing like them that makes this evil bloodline thing a load of nonsense doesn't it.

You wrote a huge post but it really boils down to these two lines. I think you need to back away from your mother and go LC/NC. It's the only way you will get peace. Try and speak to a therapist to help you.
She only tolerates me but I live on edge for her next flip and outburst of anger and twisted rage towards me. She flips over very little and I am always her trigger.

Bluewaterloo · 23/10/2023 16:34

It was likely my granny paid for the nursing home herself from the land she sold. Or if not my granny it was the youngest uncle who got the inheritance.

The family were happy at the time for him to get the inheritance and they never challagned it through the courts.

He's on disability allowance and that's means tested. Whatever he had probably wasn't much and its probably gone except for the roof that's over his head. But his life is not rich. He has some other condition, undiagnosed and he never met anyone or had children.

It's my mother and some of her siblings who thinks he is still loaded. My mother never found out how much he got and the same goes for her sisters. They just presume he has money.

There are other siblings who are evil. There is one aunt who facilated sexual abuse against her own daughter when she was small with an uncle. They are evil.

To be quiet honest, they are all bad in their own way. There's aunt's who are misgnosticist against their own daughters. They speak up about how great their sons are while they look down on their daughters.

These people are filthy fucking scumbags.

OP posts:
19847499fddqqedxx · 23/10/2023 16:35

Disability benefits are not means tested.
Your post is really confusing

TheYearOfSmallThings · 23/10/2023 16:42

Your posts are confusing but don't go if you don't want to and don't like your mother or her family.

Whataretheodds · 23/10/2023 16:45

TL: DR

Bluewaterloo · 23/10/2023 16:55

I thought disability allowance was means tested.

I suppose my post was long winded. My mother is making plans to meet up with a sister or two and would like me to help her travel across the county for her social gathering.

I don't want to travel across the county and sit in a restaurant and across a table looking at this hypocrites.

OP posts:
Bluewaterloo · 23/10/2023 16:57

One of my mother's sisters had a son who died a few years ago. A different uncle was left with the task of informing the whole family of the news. Do you want my mother did? She cried to me about how she never got the information first hand from her sister even though my aunt was likely travelling into the morgue to identify her dead son. My mother nephew died and her sister was likely going through the biggest crisis of her life and my mother was angry about how she wasn't told first hand.

OP posts:
Biasquia · 23/10/2023 17:01

I don't want to travel across the county and sit in a restaurant and across a table looking at this hypocrites.

You need to learn to say no to your mother. I understand it can be very tricky saying no and holding boundaries with dysfunctional people, they are precisely the types to train their children to not have boundaries but it is a necessary adult skill.

Roste · 23/10/2023 17:07

You sound very hurt OP but calling them evil won’t help you. If you can, try to think of them as dysfunctional because of their own healing that needs to be done, then you can spend your time focussing on yourself and managing your boundaries. Look after yourself and spend your time thinking of something nice to do once you have said you can’t make the meet up.

pikkumyy77 · 23/10/2023 17:20

You don’t need to prove anything to us. You don’t need excessive language like evil or blood line—but its no harm if you do either—just don’t let it distract you from what is going on:

Your family are not close and supportive, they are users, neglectful, selfish, and moneygrubbing.

When they need something from you, a disfavored girl child/scapegoat they make demands for service but otherwise they neglect and ignore you.

Look up research on dysfunctional families and consider the ways scapegoat, utility child, or forgotten child may describe your role in the family.

You are not obligated to accept any role you don’t like.

Cut them off.

mathanxiety · 23/10/2023 17:25

Tell her one of your brothers will surely be happy to help out.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 23/10/2023 17:28

AutumnCrow · 23/10/2023 15:41

Basically my mother's family and blood line are evil and dirty.

Give over.

That's coming on a big strong. Toxic, selfish or greedy maybe?