Has anyone read this article by Lucy Cavendish?

[eavietea]

I read it and I can't quite make out what it is she is talking about. On one had she talks about feeling invisible and that she and other women aren't who they used to be and have grown past the roles they used to play in their own lives and society but then it seems to say it's more about how their internal feelings have changed, not caring so much about themselves or anyone, feeling more anxiety, negativity. I can understand all those things but to me what she is really getting at in the article is a bit muddled. I am a bit younger than my 50's but i am peri-menopausal. I just wondered if anyone else had read it and had any thoughts?

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/oct/22/a-call-to-action-to-love-ourselves-how-women-in-their-50s-can-leave-the-shadows

What a waffley load of navel-gazey, self obsessed nothingness! And you're right: she doesn't seem clear on the point she's making; or hasn't presented it well, at least.

I'm in my mid fifties and don't relate to any of this, apart from maybe the cranky, anxious clients she mentions. That's just menopause, though. Well, it is for me at any rate!

I read it and didn't really relate to it although I'm 54. It felt like it was about being an empty-nester but she kept saying it wasn't just that, I guess to try and make it about something broader. I don't have children, so maybe that's why I didn't relate.

I am so bored of all the menopausal awareness stuff. Why does awareness raising always end up as self indulgent OTT nonsense. The new thing is for former mummy influencers to now start banging on about being peri menopausal. I think it’s good to talk about this stuff but the motives are so self serving rather than actually making a change.

@GroanWoman Thanks for your reply, I was wondering what I was missing!

@Saverage She is working as a therapist I see so perhaps the article is just meant to cast a wide net! That's fine I guess but as an actual article it could have been so much better, I do want to read about the experiences of older women but this left me a bit befuddled!

@TinselTitsGo I'm all for talking about this stuff but it would be good if it were clear and actually made it's point a bit better.

Yes, I do think she was going for a wide net but just ended up making it muddled as I don't think she was truly saying what she thought (i.e. it was really about not have children at home).

I was really interested to read the article, but was just confused and ended up skimming the end of it as I didn't see what there was for me to conclude from it.

Used to be a journalist didn't she? Reads like a puff piece for her new business. Hard avoid.

@Saverage Yep I felt exactly the same!

@bombastix It seems like it which is a shame as it could have been interesting!

I saw this and assumed it was just a free ad for her 'counselling' business. She's a longstanding journalist of the DM sadface variety.

Yes! I saw this the other day and couldn't male head nor tail of it! Are there no editors at the Guardian!

I recognise some of the feelings she's describing but I think it's simpler than that - I'm adjusting to being older. That's kind of it. The big moment for me was looking round my workplace and realising I was a minimum of 20 years older than anyone else there, and I hadn't adjusted to that. It took a bit of doing actually, including changing jobs, but a year after that huge revelation 😁i don't feel useless or sexually invisible or scratchy or any of that stuff, I feel I'm in the right place. Empty nesting is definitely part of it too for me.

I also think that for someone as privileged as me to go on about how my channels of giving are overused would be ridiculous. What has allowed me to be a more whole person is to stop focusing on what other people think (on the beach for example). Also that I've moved past the most difficult period of elderly parent care (I hope, anyeay).

Oh well, quite a lot of thoughts. But yes, I'd rather that older women weren't presented as this alternative species.

It’s frustrating when papers publish flimsy stuff from ex staff members / a small number of the same people when paid journalism is so hard to enter and stay in. Would far rather they paid someone freelance for something better.

Complete privileged gobbledygook.

I found it very mum-centric and as a non-parent I thought it was irritating and alienating to women who were not mothers.

I think the article fails because it tries to home in on a demographic that it is fashionable to write about - women of the age at which menopause typically occurs - but actually speaks of issues that affect both men and women and which can arise at any age. It is about periods of change in one's life, when you no longer feel at hme in a certain context and feel yourself looking beyond it (and when you may be lacking in self-care or self-confidence because of the despondency associated with a lack of fit between self and situation).

Trying to shoehorn this into the stereotype of 'invisible middle-aged women' is unintentionally offensive and patronising. Not every women feels challenged by diminishing sex appeal or an empty nest. Not every man sails out of the parenting years without a sense of dislocation.

I'm sixty, and the many ways in which I feel messed up and in need of therapy have eff-all to do with my age, least of all with diminishing sex appeal and the glorious release from periods and childcare. I am who I always was, and if I thought a therapist was predisposed to viewing me in terms of my age I would get another therapist.

Sounds like a load of waffly bullshit to this menopausal 50 something - I don't identify with any of it really.

Guardian Lifestyle is just a content mill these days. The number of wholly spurious alleged trends, issues, insights that it invents to fill its pages is off the scale.

Years ago it was Guardian Women and was a focus for writing about feminism and women's rights. Those were the days.

Firstly, as a therapist she evidently sees lots of people who view ageing and invisibility as a problem, and not the joyous release that I find it.

Secondly, I’m surprised at how little coherence there was in the article, given that she is/ was a journalist.

Thirdly, can she not remember being a parent with young children at the beach? That parent would have been far too busy applying suncream, keeping sand out of the packed lunch, watching the children near the water, endlessly saying “yes, what a beautiful shell/ pebble” and “no we are not taking the seaweed/ crab/ fish home with us,” to give a monkey’s crap about the woman 20 feet away, reading a book.

I wouldn't think that anything by this writer is worth scrutinising to be honest.

Is she the one who wrote an article about how her boy was her favourite child?

She has three sons, one daughter.

It must be someone else.

I was thinking of Shona Sidbury.

I get the need to speak about the menopause as I’m going through it myself. Albeit differently to someone with DC.

But this is waffly self indulgent rubbish and appears to be catering to her counselling clients and promoting her counselling career.

@PinkyDinkyDoodle omg yes! I have never wonder about lone women on the beach when there with my children. In fact the only emotion I would probably have in that situation is jealousy.

I am surprised she has got to her age and realised that most people are mainly thinking about themselves! Not thinking about if random strangers belong.