Unhappy ASD child, how did you manage?

[BrokenRainbow]

Hi,
my 13 yo daughter has asd. She is just unhappy. Not real friends, is currently doing ok on school. Two younger sisters. We are helping her with her social skills but I do know sometimes other kids aren’t as receptive to her as she would like. This makes her feel like ‘what is the point of even trying’

I’m worried spending a lot of time on screens is making her feel down. She plays Roblox and is a very good animator (makes videos for her channel).

I know I need to cut down on her screen time, but I don’t want to make it worse for her, although I think it might be a vicious cycle.

she can’t explain what’s making her sad.

we will be booking a consultation with a therapist.

in the meantime, those of you on the spectrum, what helped you come out of your sad phase? What can I do as her mum?

This sounds exactly my DD also 13. I could have written this. I don't have great answers, I'm really in the same boat. I've been getting her out more, going on walks and taking her to parks. I do whatever I can to get her doing something "real" and not in front of a screen. She plays Roblox as well and also animates, and both of those are good things IMO. She's been learning to cook and loves to make cute recipes from Youtube. Her social skills are so bad she always ends up in dramatic feuds with other girls. She has a list of enemies! She does SO much better with people who are older or younger. I've heard this is the norm for ASD girls. I'm trying to find a sport or hobby that she will be interested in and involves other kids of different ages. When we go to the park other kids will want to exchange numbers so they can set up times to play together again but it hasn't led to anything long term yet because of their poor communication skills. I think it's worth trying more though, I mean that's the most organic way to make friends. I try to help facilitate without being a helicopter. Our library and bookstore often host youth or teen events that seem like good opportunities to meet other kids. Mine wants to be inside on her laptop. I think Covid isolation has become a norm for her on top of ASD and being a introvert. I'm just going to keep trying and hopefully one day something sticks. I'd love for her to have at least one friend or one real life social activity.

Why cut down on her screen time? For many autistic kids that is where they enjoy most social success and find their tribe.

I would look for courses in holidays and evenings that focus on animation or film making, so she can meet others with similar interests and strengths.

^^ This. Without my online friends I would have probably tried to kill myself as a teen.

At school I joined the writing club and met some friends there who were in my younger brother's year.

My now 17 year old was v similar and I would say don't cut down on her screen time.

This was one of the few things my daughter enjoyed at this age and she made some online friends (age appropriate) at around 12/13 who she's remained friends with to this do and who provide her with a lot of support and interaction.

I managed to get her counselling via a psychiatrist and she's on fluoxetine and B12 now, which have helped a lot. She's now managed to begin attending college after three years of school absence, so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I might be wrong but I thought there was some evidence that said screen time doesn't affect individuals with ASD in the same way as NT individuals?

Our 13 ds who is autistic spends most of his time on screen time! He goes to an autism school so his friends don't live locally anyway so they join up online gaming. Or he's coding / animating / VRing / researching on special interest stuff - that's his world. He does swim and go on walks but I wouldn't stop his screen time.

Both my ND youngsters only improved once they were on an SSRI. The same goes for myself. They help make life more manageable, reduce anxiety and cut the meltdowns down massively. I don't think ds2 would still be here without them tbh. Ds1 is also able to live in a flat share, travel and hold down a good job thanks to his.

ND people are often naturally low in dopamine and the stress of living with the condition is enough to make the most robust person depressed.

Many reasons why I don’t want her on screen all day (especially during the weekends and holidays), not connecting with her sisters/family, other gamers can be pretty horrible, not improving her social/life skills, straining her eyesight, and there is research to suggest that it can cause ADHD-like symptoms.

She’s mentioned that her attention span is getting worse.

she has screen time in the morning (wakes up early enough to get ready and have free time), as soon as she gets in and after homework for another 2 hours until bedtime.

We’ve gone on a digital detox and she liked it as it improved her mood.

I’m curious to see how those with similar issues were able to overcome it?

She used to be a happy child in primary school :(

I didn’t mind when she would play with her friends from school as it helped with social skills and to keep friendships going, but her friends have lost interest, they’re on TikTok and Snapchat which she’s not allowed to have.

@delanew

^^