To begin: my partner is a mummy’s boy and yes it gives me the ick, I ignored it for years but now it just makes me angry. He is a huge people pleaser and will do anything his family ask of him. He doesn’t seem to make decisions for himself and will prefer the approval of his parents. I didn’t realise the severity of it as he was secretive about it before, but spending more time with them since our baby was born has brought the issue to the surface. I get on well with his family but I get the impression no one will be good enough for their ‘little boy’. His ex wife left him for this reason and I feel stupid not seeing the red flag.
Our life with our baby is generally good and happy (when his family are not around). He has a 7 year old child who his family dote on. They don’t idolise our baby the same way but it’s early days so I won’t make assumptions yet.
The issue is that I’m never invited to family events. I do visit with my partner to see his family and they come to visit our baby. Actual events like parties, Christmas meals, firework display etc I’m never welcome to and they organise things for my partner and his child only. He calls it his own time with his child but it’s technically not if his whole family are part of it so why can’t I and his baby too?
We had plans for a firework display at my parents but his family have bought tickets to take him and his child to a park display. He doesn’t see an issue. I know deep down he knows it’s not right but being a push over he’ll never stand up for himself or me. He will go with his family and leave me at my parents rather than suggest we do something as a family together. They invited him for a Sunday lunch (in front of me) and he went alone because I wasn’t invited. I got quite close with his gran over the years but even she sits and listens without calling out her daughter or son in law.
It’s starting to get to me since our baby was born as the clear divide and favouritism is noticeable. I hate to admit it but I’m resentful of how spoilt and loved his child is compared to my baby and I don’t want it to cause jealousy later down the line. I initially thought it was because they’re the only grandchild and it would be shared out when our baby arrived.
Ive told my partner it needs to be equal for the children’s sakes or I’m willing to walk away from our relationship if we’re treated like separate people and not a family unit. He begged me to stay and that he’ll talk to his family about including me but that was a fortnight ago and nothing has changed. I’m worried about handing baby over for shared custody as I won’t have any say in how my baby is cared for or included so I feel trapped in staying.
Where do I go from here?