Anyone had a phase where you struggled to cope?

[vitahelp]

Has anyone else had a phase where you struggled to cope with things?

I'm 37, and am usually a calm, organised and level headed person. I don't get upset easily and don't get stressed or worked up easily. That has all changed now, I'm suddenly feeling like I can't cope and am overthinking everything.

It started after I made a mistake at work earlier in the year with massively knocked my confidence, and I have been on a downward spiral ever since. I'm struggling with infertility (trying for baby 2 for 18 months) and am reaching my 'deadline' of the end of the year. Things haven't been great at work, redundancies have been made and there is a lot of change/uncertainty at the moment. I lost my Grandma who I was extremely close with 18 months ago but am suddenly struggling with that again. I found out my Auntie who I'm close with is unwell yesterday, usually I would deal with news like that practically but I feel panicked by it and have been overthinking ever since.

I just have no confidence in myself, don't trust myself with anything and feel like even the smallest things, like someone not replying to a message, are really affecting me. I also keep forgetting things, losing things etc and am now worrying about that too. It's like I'm a different person.

I'm not sure what I want from this thread, I'm just not familiar with this feeling and am worried this is who I am now. Has anyone been through similar, is there anything I can do to fix it or stop it spiraling any further out of control?

You have a lot to cope with at the moment. While some of the difficulties you are facing may pass in time, you have recognised a change in your mood and behaviour.

I would advise a doctors appointment and explain what you have said here without minimising, it’s possible that you might feel silly and really you shouldn’t.

Yes I have definitely had times when I found it difficult to cope. At one time I was severely depressed - I went on anti-depressants which helped me to get back on track. Another time I was struggling with grief at the same time as having to act as executor, I saw a counsellor that time, and managed all my tasks by writing absolutely everything I needed to do on a whiteboard and rubbing it out when it was done.
You are most definitely not the only one - there is help out there if you would like to get it, and techniques to help you manage things. I am very sorry things are so difficult for you - it is more difficult I think if you are normally very efficient. It will pass and, in the meantime, remember you don't have to be perfect, just adequate, and there is help for you to achieve that.

That’s a lot to deal with. I always thought I was a strong, confident, happy, professional person. Losing DH turned me into a quivering, crying , scared wreck who just wanted to stay in bed ( for months) It changed me as a person.
Start with your GP and include everything you’ve written.

That’s a lot to deal with. When I was in a situation where I had a similar amount on I made a GP appointment and they prescribed Citalopram. It was a complete game changer and made me feel like I could cope during a tough time.

That's a huge amount to cope with, and a lot of it centred around grief. It's more than a "phase", it's a series of life events. Do be kind to yourself. Drs is a good idea, as is learning to recognise that all of those things need time and energy to recover from. Can you start by putting less pressure if yourself to feel "normal" and spend some time thinking about how you can cocoon yourself a bit? Whatever that means to you, but putting self care at the top of your list?

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. It is a bit of a relief that you think that is a lot to deal with. I tend to minimise what I'm going through, especially since my life is generally quite easy in that I have no money problems, a good relationship with DH and a good routine caring for our DD who is an easy child. I don't really feel justified in worrying when there are people around me dealing with health and financial crisis.

I think what is hard to get round is that a lot of the things that are bothering me are still ongoing to some extent and yet to be resolved. I'm still trying to get pregnant, there is unfinished business regarding my Grandma's estate which is dragging out the grieving period, things at work are still up in the air (I'll likely have a new job description and new manager before the end of the year) and my Auntie's illness is still undiagnosed to some extent until surgery takes place which there is no date for. I know there will always be something ongoing in life, and I need to find a way to centre myself while all this is going on and just calm down/reset. I'm just not sure how as I've never struggled with it like this before.

@DilemmaDelilah @tinselvestsparklepants Thank you both for the reminder that I don't need to be perfect and put so much pressure on myself to be back to my normal, super efficient self. I have issues with being in control of situations, and it can be helpful for me to let go of that when I'm struggling and just accept that things might not be perfect for a while and I might not be at my best right now. Hopefully taking off that pressure might be part of the resolution.

@AbbeyGailsParty I'm so sorry that you went through that. It is hard accepting that you might not be the person you were before, even if it is only temporary. I hope you are feeling better now.

I can feel health anxiety creeping in too, I've never had it before but the hyper-focus on my body while trying to get pregnant has brought it on I think. I got in a panic last night that I'm developing early dementia at 37 as I keep losing things/forgetting what important dates are coming up/forgetting what I'm doing next weekend etc.

The reality is probably that the forgetfulness is a symptom of the stress I'm under. And me thinking it is dementia is me catastrophising due to the stress.