Entering into online dating as a Singleton @ 55

[Buttercup2912]

Long time Singleton here who is entering into online dating at 55. I am dreading the dark evenings and have sat and read lots of threads today, Any tips are welcome, how to write my profile and sending a "Hello" message. What worked for you? I am trying the free sites first.

Watch out for the scammers, there’s loads about .

Thank you 😊

There are not loads of scammers on most dating apps, especially not if you're a woman 😆.

I prefer Bumble, as women send the first message, and it seems to have a slightly classier crowd.

Have a variety of recent photos on your profile, including at least one full length one.

Once you start talking to someone, try to meet up as soon as possible, before you get too invested in someone you've never met.

Be very wary! Do not, repeat, do not reveal too much about yourself in your profile - biggest mistake I made and set myself up as a target for a narcissist!

Keep your eyes and ears wide open, your radar on full alert and think of it as treading very carefully through a minefield.

Ignore anyone who messages you with 'hi' or 'hello beautiful' as an opener - if they cannot be bothered to be original or compose a complete sentence the chances are that they are low bar, low quality and not worth the effort. Equally, try to determine how respectful and dignified they are with any subsequent follow up messages. Remember that YOU are the prize worth winning and they will have to work at it and prove that they are worthy of you.

Keep any first dates short and simple - that way you can escape more quickly, and with less investment, if they turn out to be not quite as they have presented themselves to you.

Mentally prepare for some unpleasant experiences and lots of disappointment.

Sorry to be a Jonah, but this is the reality!

@crackofdoom well I met two scammers in a week and there was a lot of people who had the same experience. A FaceTime call early on could have prevented one of the scams . A guy using a fake profile picture .

Just be yourself and take some new photos of just you that show your interests and personality. And yes there are a ton of scammers. Most of the men are married or lying about their occupation, etc. What they do is they chat with you for a few months to draw you in romantically, then pretend to have a child that needs surgery urgently or they pretend to be on their way to meet you but an emergency happens, in the end always asking for money. It happened to my friend twice. So always meet in public after a short chat. It does help to have someone who is good at researching online. I used to do this for a friend who was newly single and had never used dating apps before. I caught her scammers/cheaters before she did because I found their wife, real job and address, etc. and nothing matched up with their story. It's brutal out there. Most men on apps only want hookups. So just be really picky and wary. After awhile you'll be able to recognize a real actual local man that's honestly looking for a companion.

Consider a paid for site, less people on them but people tend to be more serious. I'm lying next to the guy I met (4 years ago )

hopingforahappierlife
What kind of men do you tend to go for- classically good looking with a bland, generic profile, perhaps?!

I must admit I tend to go more for quirky, interesting, have a lot to say for themselves types, and bin the two word answer bunch off within a couple of messages, so that may have saved me. Personality is more difficult to fake 😆

@crackofdoom you’re cheeky, you know nothing of what sort of man I go for . There are genuine people on the sites but even the nerdy, quirky ones are often married or just bored .

I agree with not talking for long before meeting - I'd say around a week.

Mainly because of the false sense of closeness and having got to know someone that can develop which means you are more likely to overlook red flags and more likely to giventhe benefit of the doubt (becaise what you're seeing now doesn't tally up with what you think you already know of them). When I did OLD, if they didn't want to meet within 2 weeks, I just stopped engaging.

Don't treat meeting them as a first date with the expectation it might turn into a second or a relationship. It's simply a first meet, a conversation,uch like chatting to someone in the supermarket or in a pub. See it as a (hopefully) nice chat with someone you wouldn't have met otherwise.

When you first start out, OLD can seem like the solution but, in 2 years (on and off), I didn't meet anyone I'd have considered having a proper relationship with. Although I did have a few short flings from it.

@GreyCarpet very good advice .

I wouldn't bother unless you want to end up neurotic and bitter.

Sorry, not helpful at all!

Bad idea to consider a free site. The scammers and hackers love those. If free dating really worked do you think paid sites would exist?