Can I ask how much access your young teen has to their phone?

[Heboughtmeadishwasherandacoffeeperculator]

As above I’m wondering how much time your DC has access to their phone?

I have 3 DD’s ranging between 12 and 17 and other than their phone very occasionally coming off them for behaviour or if I feel it’s affecting their sleep they largely have it all the time.

I always thought I’d be a lot stricter but with screen time but they use it for EVERYTHING, school, alarm, bus passes, weather, emails to teachers/tutors, homework, music, the list is endless and I found as quickly as I take it off them they’d need it back for one of the above.

They are really good DC, help out at home, eldest two fairly academic and self motivated with course work home work, youngest two have horses so are outside a lot and active but I just feel as soon as soon as they are in the house their phones are glued to their hand, they take them to the toilet, dinner table and middle daughter especially can loose hour’s endlessly scrolling on TikTok and Snapchat and I feel if I call them for dinner, chores, chat it takes them a century to pull themselves out of a chair bed and away from the screen.

I know a lot of it is typical teenager behaviour but just wondering if I’m in the minority and should have a chat to them and start putting in some healthy boundaries, if not too late!!

Mine have full access. Never taken off them.

My DC are between 14 and 17. The older ones have full access except at mealtimes - no phones at the table. The 14yo leaves his downstairs at bedtime. They all work hard at school and have lots of other interests (sport, music etc) so I'm not concerned about them.

Same here, full but too much, my 15 yo has started getting dark dark circles that are red rimmed so have started taking it away and when we took it away for a week he was a different boy but yes, they use it for everything so it’s a tough one. 13 yo hands it over a lot more readily and isn’t as hooked

My 11 and 13 year old have access all day other than when it’s been taken off them as a punishment for something they have done. They don’t have them at the table at teatime but I don’t mind breakfast/lunch time. Also they don’t have them in their rooms overnight. I put them in their rooms on a school morning when I get up for their alarms to wake them up.

Oh not allowed at mealtimes, in car on the way to school, movie nights or board game nights btw! Also. It allowed if we go out to dinner with family or go over to see their grannies

Youngest teen has full access. Mobile phones are banned at the table when we all have a meal together ( which is usually the weekends).

Aside from bedtime they have it all the time - not that I'm happy about it. We try to take it off them but it's a constant battle and they will moan or find an excuse ('I need to check my homework!') until we give in it forget we've taken it off them.

This thread makes me feel better!

Same with DS age 14. He has it pretty much all the time, it goes on the bench at tea time etc and taken from him circa 9pm.

He got into some bother at school last week so he was only allowed it to get to and from school (they sometimes need them in registration/comp science for school related stuff) but took it from him when he got home. But we only did that for 3 days but mainly for a mental health break. Did him the world of good. We wouldn't do that to him often though.

@VivaDixie me too!

I thought this thread would be very different and perhaps those posters are on their way but I don't really restrict access. At night, the phone is next to mine on the bedside table to make sure she actually goes to sleep and she knows I have full access to her phone so will read messages and make sure no dangers there. Other than that, it doesn't leave her hand or get more than a cm from her nose.

I'm here!!

Mine go to a school that goes ages 4-13 so no phones allowed at school. Years 7&8 don't need phones (homework is set via Teams and they can log on at home, school in middle of nowhere so bus or parents pick up). They also have quite a long school day including ECAs and the bus (7:30-6pm) so they don't really get them until then and I take them @ 8:30. At weekends I don't really control it but tbh they are not massively into them (more TV/gaming, but even that's limited. Older one (13) has SM but after the initial excitement he is over it. Youngest (11) not allowed it other than WhatsApp. 100% not allowed phones at mealtimes and if scrolling means they are not doing what they need to do in terms of getting themselves organised, then it's a hard stop.

This is honestly my parenting hill to die on. So much of the MH pandemic in teens is at least exacerbated, if not caused by, excessive screens and SM. The anxiety in the teenage girls I know is ridiculous. It's as though they have 2 thought processes going on ALL THE TIME- what do I think/ want and then what do I want other people to think I think or what will other people think of me if I do this?

I never restricted them. Mine are all now in their twenties and seem unscathed.

They were used as alarm clocks, for homework submission and now also for bus passes as well as for communicating with their friends so it has now become enormously more difficult to remove them.

@Sparehair you made me chuckle. 🤭 you say they get the bus, do you not get concerned something could happen and you aren't able to contact them?

You can make rules so not be used at the dinner table or when eating, not to be taken to bed etc. I don't limit access but neither have I allowed DD to be permanently glued to her mobile. It is down to parents to stop it from happening.

if they use them for alarms, then get them an alexa, which will also play music and take them off them when they go to bed. DD had a friend who was staying on her phone until 3am until her parents suddenly realised why she was so tired all the time and not getting up for school.

DD is pretty good with hers, as I won't allow her to be one of those kids who walks around looking at a phone, or sit on their phone all the time ignoring people around them.

It is sad though, she says if they go on a school trip, everyone gets on the bus and plugs in their earphones. Nobody talks or has fun.

ok, I'll be the restrictive voice - and even then, only mildly so. Yes, they all have phones and need them for everything.
I have one DD(15). She has access to her phone 6 am - 11 pm on school nights and 7 am - midnight on weekends. She is one of the very few teens we know who has any sort of restriction.
I restrict tiktok (90 min/day) and instagram (30 min/day). Everything else, she can use whenever the phone is not off. For her, that mostly means snapchat, as that's how she communicates with her friends.
If we didn't restrict it, I think she'd be on tiktok continuously, and in no way is that good for her. She complains about this a lot.

It is welded to their cold dead hand.

Full access, so did the older dcs who are in their early and late 20s now

School bus service but honestly no I wouldn’t worry as I got the bus at that age before mobiles were invented and it was fine. If the bus didn’t turn up I just had to walk- half the time I spent the money on maccas, walked home and told my mum the bus didn’t show up 🤣

It's interesting isn't it. I did have a phone for catching the bus but never needed it. I get so stressed about DD having something happen - kidnapped, any kind of incident etc so knowing I can call her and track her really helps me. As I can track, I don't need to ask where she is all the time and can let her be free but don't want to make her feel trapped.