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Oh what to do - a Grandparent one!

3 replies

RosieLeaLovesTea · 22/10/2023 10:45

Hi all
bit of a issue you may be able to advise.

I have 2 DCs - 1 DD 9 and 1 DS 7.

my parents their grandparents have my DD over stay the night occasionally at weekends. Then we moved 60 miles away last year and they have DD to stay the night in the holidays like half term and summer.

My DS 7 has never been invited to stay overnight or taken out by them on his own. I think the main difference is that he was more work as a baby, with a very unsettled sleep pattern and he would not settle at a
for sleep in the evening. Plus bigger tantrums at 2yrs and3yrs and I just didn’t think they could
cope with him. my mum
was also a carer for my Nan who was 92 but she died in 2022. My parents are 70 and 71 and retired.

since moving to a new area and school it has be bit more difficult for him to settle in new school and make new friends. He was quite jealous of my DDs friendships and it affected his behaviour a bit.

however we are through that now. He moved to our catchment school
and has some nice friends.

bit he does periodically say that he does not get to stay with grand parents and when we are all together sometimes his behaviour can Be affected. I think it’s because he does not get his own time with them.

i have mentioned it to
my parents. Saying i think it would be nice if they had more one on one time and he is asking questions about when he will have that.

we are due to meet them for lunch tomorrow and I could ask them if he could stay overnight. I could return the next day to collect him as I am working in the area.

I would like them to offer but I has become clear to me that if they have not done it now they are not going to. I will have to ask them.

they have DD9 no issue and they also have my nephew who is 6 to stay or have stayed with him overnight if my sister has gone away.

I have not expected them
to have both DCs together as
they can be a handful and they are 70.

its upsetting that my DS does not get the same opportunities and he is becoming aware of it.

How would you approach it?

OP posts:
madroid · 22/10/2023 10:54

I'm not clear - does your DS say he wants to stay with them on his own? If so, just tell them that.

I can't see your problem. It sounds like circumstances have conspired to stop that happening, not your parents.

Also I wouldn't worry about your parents have both your dc.
A. they're early 70s, not ancient.
B. Grandparents know all the tricks!
C. They're much better behaved with the dgp.
It's parents all the bad behaviour is saved for!

Bluevelvetsofa · 22/10/2023 10:56

Rather than an overnight stay, could you start with a long day stay? They may be a bit wary about overnight, but be able to manage fine for the day. I know it’s a distance, but perhaps it could be accommodated every now and then, u til everyone is comfortable with an overnight stay.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 22/10/2023 11:17

Mine had both or none.
No compromise (bar when youngest was under one) even though one was happy quietly playing with trains and reading while the other wanted to skateboard off a cliff!
It's not going to be doing much for your DS's confidence 😢
He's only 7 so will be thinking there's something wrong with him and he's disliked (the latter part understandably so)
If they can't manage both together then your DS needs to go on his own to help them build a relationship.

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