"Attentive to the narrative capacity of objects"

[GoodOldEmmaNess]

That's from a product description on the John Lewis website.

How much of a heathen am I for not having that in my list of top things to consider when choosing an espresso pot?

And has anyone got any other examples of overly wanky product descriptions?

who is the wankery in the description supposed to appeal to?
<raises hand sheepishly>
But then I do like my coffee with a side of pretentiousness. And it's keeping someone who did a creative writing course in a job (or maybe it's some AI generated confection in which case I feel cheated I tell you cheated!)

But then I do like my coffee with a side of pretentiousness.

I prefer a biscuit. But each to their own.

Alessi Ossidiana Espresso Coffee Maker, 3 Cup (johnlewis.com)

It looks like it's been dropped and dented

The evocative resonance between spaces and the objects they encompass is a crucial issue.

Yes but no one can fit in it

They can fit a lot of memories in it though.

Sorry, I disappeared (to ride a horse for the first time in 30 years but that is a different narrative).

Thank you to whoever supplied the link. I feel slightly mean now because it was the lovely Mario Trimarchi and not the pot itself that was so narratively attentive. Marginally less wanky. But still erring generously on the wanky side.

Love the idea of homeopathic coffee. That may be the way forward for me, since I am trying to move toward decaffinated coffee, and a coffee pot with the architect-enabled capacity to hold fragmentary memories of the caffeine of yesteryear may be a good staging post on my journey.

Reader, I bought it.

(But I am a bit of a wanker so all is good.)

Before I opened the thread I thought that this was going to be a new early learning goal.

Having now googled Mario, who looks oh so sad, I have found other things he has designed.

It comes complete with wanky description too

Hmm, the look of some objects does bother me, they are definitely ugly. Good design of everyday objects is important. Particularly some electric cars that are so blank at the front. To me cars should have a smiley face!

Oh. A jug that’s intentionally hard to pour. Excellent. 😆

When I opened this thread I thought it was going to be about a school/nursery report from a teacher.

I'm a teacher and it's exactly the sort of language some Academies push staff to use.

My money is on an ex EYFS teacher or Literacy Lead having binned off teaching and taken up a content creation post at JL 😂

Or AI.

And there was me thinking that a coffee pot was a repository for coffee...

There must be a website somewhere that collects this kind of thing

www.wankydesigns.com or some such.

I was imagining an espresso pot that’s attentive to the narrative capacities of other objects in the kitchen, so a good listener for toaster & co. 😁

Oh, Mario, what have you done?<shakes head>

To me, that jug doesn't investigate the kindness of the gesture of pouring. It explores the narrative that the person who is the beneficiary of the gesture is (in some existential sense) a urine sample collecting jar.

They could at least have chosen a liquid less evocative of old man wee.

I'm all for investigating the kindness of the gesture of pouring water (it isn't going to investigate itself) but can you stick it in the dishwasher?

Good lord, this is worth a read and it's from 2009, so there's no AI going on this is his long term profile stuff. Pay particular attention to this - He appears to have thrown caution to the winds – literally. The pieces resemble scraps of paper tossed by a gust with gusto, then frozen in time, mid-trajectory. They are inspired by childhood memories of the ferocious sirocco wind that pounds Sicily mercilessly for about three days, forcing its inhabitants to shut themselves away in windowless rooms until it subsides. So by contrast with the designer’s normally neutral, impersonal aesthetic, the collection is autobiographical and has a narrative element.
‘My Sicilian origins is essential to this work,’ says Trimarchi. ‘As a child, I stayed in an old country house near Messina in the summer holidays. When the sirocco blows, children just have to wait. They do homework or play with cards, building up marvellous, unstable, fragile castles. I tried to reproduce all these sensations in this collection.’

They are talking about his designs for stainless steel tea-light bowls! 😂

Profile: Mario Trimarchi - Design Week

One of the bowls from that collection is this fruit bowl. Your grapes would end up hanging out all over the place