Anyone managed to claw it back after letting themselves go?

[Ooopzy]

I’m 43. Last 5-6 years have been filled with grief, work/stress, primary aged kids etc and I’ve totally let myself go.

I’m on holiday this week and the kids just filmed me dancing. From the back. Omg. It’s not pretty. I’m so wide. It’s horrible.

My face is not aging well and my sedentary desk-based job and crappy eating habits have clearly caught up on me.

Christ. I should watch that video every time I go to self-sabotage and head for the kids’ snack drawer. Really hideous.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and managed to get to a point where you are happy enough with your appearance rather than shuddering every time you see a photo or video of yourself???

I should add that I’ve let myself go in terms of how I talk to/about myself as well. Self-sabotage is rife and I seem to have totally lost any ability to look after myself from any angle at all. I let work rule my life, I make unhealthy choices re food/exercise and seem to think I don’t deserve to feel good.

I used to think that only really vain or ocd-anxious people obsessed over their appearance. It generally is a surprise to me when friends are doing stuff for their health…. Like who knew people actually looked after themselves…..

Yes I have. I took very ill and ate my way through the pain and hospital appointments. Put on 4 stones relatively quickly. Enough was enough one day and I'm back down to my usual weight. It can be done. Just take it one day at a time. And if you mess up, like I did many times, just move on and try again. Good luck OP ❤️

Sorry to hear you were unwell, hope you are better now.

I feel so silly to have let things get to this point. Gradually over the past few years I’ve developed this weird self-loathing which is so destructive. I have not been in control at all. I’ve actually been a martyr to the stress/work/family situation and used all of that as excuses.

What a waste of time, and what a silly path to be on. Do things that make you feel shit then feel shot for doing shit things. It doesn’t make any sense. But I know I can’t continue like this. My physical health won’t sustain it, let alone my emotional health.

Don't beat yourself up for what has been. You've coped how you've coped, what's done is done. How you move forward now is what matters, start with working out what needs to change to make you happy, then think what little changes you can make to get yourself started.

Thank you. Unfortunately it's terminal now, so honestly my weight after it all, is not a priority. How ironic after getting back to where I want to be eh? But that's life.
I totally understand the whole self loathing thing too. It's a huge merry go round that just keeps on turning. Try to be kind to yourself. Life is hard, life is shit and you can't be in top of everything. Take each day at a time. May sound corny, but I find a gratitude journal is a wonderful thing. 3 things every day your grateful for. Maybe worth a try, I try and shift your mind set?

Oh yes..25 years of ill health (starting at 25 with ME and then a series of chronic conditions) plus 3 children in 5 years made me a blob.
I have managed to pull it back! After 8 months of cutting out 85% of Ultra Process foods and exercising 4 times a week (weights x2 football x2) plus walking 10000 steps on most days. I have lost over a stone and toned up loads. Feel soooooo much fitter and happier. It's been much easier than I thought. And doesn't feel hard at all. .

@Atmytethersend 💐

@Atmytethersend oh I’m so sorry to see this. Wishing you as much peace as you need and hope you are surrounded by love and not in pain. I do get how precious life is which is why I’m feeling so annoyed for wasting energy on regret.

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug I guess I hadn’t thought of this all as a way of coping but I think it probably has been. But I can’t be in coping mode forever. I think this video has given me a wake up call. I knew it was coming but was still pushing it to one side…

Yes! The decade of having little kids wrecked me.

I got a tummy tuck to fix my awful muscles, lost 4.5 stone, started dying my hair, got Botox, and found some new hobbies that I really enjoy.

The losing weight thing is sloooow but it's easy: I literally just ate less, no calorie counting or stupid groups.

@smilesup sounds like you had a lot going on. Well done for getting to a good place.

I blame lack of time / too much work for no exercise but have signed up to a gym to start 1 Nov after hair term and am determined to make time. I also bought a treadmill earlier this year… and… have never used it. It was second hand so not too pricey but still……….

Thank you so so much. That really does mean the world to me ❣️❣️

@WeighDownOnMeStayTillMorning 4.5st is a lot, good for you! I would be happy with 2.5st loss, 3 would be amazing.

Snacks/sweet stuff is my downfall. And I am nowhere near as active as I should be.

It all feels quite overwhelming. I need to dig out the book Atomic Habits again as that talks avoir small incremental changes being more manageable. However reading is one thing, putting into practice is another.

The word blob resonates far too much. Physically definitely. But also mentally. I’m so disengaged in everything.

I recommend starting each day over. Whatever went wrong the day before is forgotten. Start again. Its a mindset that helps stop you beating yourself up or feeling that you need to catch-up on yesterday's things you didn't do, which is usually unrealistic and makes you feel bad when you don't achieve it. It's easier to start afresh each day. You could start with the treadmill. Play your favourite song and walk on it for the duration?

I lost weight by reducing UPF and telling myself that if I still wanted the nice snack tomorrow then I could eat it then. It worked surprisingly well. I also don't eat between 7pm and 7am. Not a 16 hour intermittent fasting but enough to stop me snacking in the evening.

I try to get my hair cut more frequently.

However I am useless at everything else (skin, nails etc). That's my next focus. If I can be bothered 😳

Start by reading the book overcoming low self esteem. Good self esteem makes taking care of yourself so much easier as you’re motivated by the right reasons. People rarely hate themselves in to long term changes. It’s worked for me and I’m 6 stone down.

@Nicole1111 would you share the book info please! Well done, very inspirational!

I'm in the same boat OP, I need to loose a good 8 stone. I booked an appointment with my gp yesterday to talk it through

@Atmytethersend 💐💐💐

Yes. When I met my DP 3 years ago, I was a slim size ten. I looked good! Felt good.

Due to work stress/life stresses, a fair bit going on and a few health issues. And of course the meals out, takeaways at home, becoming comfortable,

I had ballooned to nearly a size 16 again, when I left my abusive marriage 8 years ago I was a size 18, I dropped to a size ten within two years of leaving him, I was a mess, I didn't lose the weight healthily either,

About 4 months ago, there was a few things that lkicked me up the arse. First and foremost I was diagnosed with POTS. In the summer I was reallly poorly it took over my life. But I worked hard but slowly building up my exercise daily to get my heart rate down to normal and the other thing was my wedding dress arriving in store 6 months earlier than planned. I've been calorie counting, making sure I hit 10-12k steps daily, and I'm now a size 12, still going!! Wedding is still 11 months away!

It's fucking hard though, I HATE exercise, and I hate salad. But I do feel healthier!

In terms of weight, yes I’ve done it. Put on 5 stone over the course of around 13 years and 2 kids. Lost most of it over 1 and the remainder took a further 6 months. Weight training has been key, building back the muscle I lost with age and sitting on my ass.

It absolutely can be done op and you may also find your self esteem improves also. Pretty much all aspects of my life have got better.

Try not to hate your body. It has worked so hard all these years, grown and nurtured your dc. Now it is time to look after it and show your gratitude to its strength.
I'm on a long journey. For me the key is managing sleep and fatigue as I overeat and go to sugar when tired.

I struggled with weight loss and found a personal trainer help me lose weight and gain strength.

I changed eating habits and ate twice a day

I took the drastic step of having bariatric surgery, as my weight was seriously affecting my health. I had it 2 weeks ago and it's already changed my life, I've lost a lot of weight, quite quickly, it's been brutal though!, I feel a difference when I move, it's easier, and I've already had to stop most of my medications, as no longer need them. My next step is to up my excersise, when I'm able, and make better food choices, I finally feel in control. I appreciate it's not for everyone, but it was the right choice for me.

This was me a year ago. And the more I thought about it, the more I ate. I broke the cycle by finding something I loved that was exercise. For me it was CrossFit and river cold-water dipping. I also went to a personal shopper (hours away as she was recommended!) who assess your body shape & style and shops for you - body in a machine for 3-4secs so that was easy too. I wore the clothes they chose which made me feel ok and no longer dreaded getting dressed in the mornings, I went to the gym each week and had all photos taken from the neck up! It took months not weeks and I didn’t think about what I ate at all so that made change slower - but I’m feeling good now. I put on muscle but didn’t lose any weight on the scales. So same clothes size but better shape. My mood improved with the exercise - I had to have the exercises at the gym adapted for me but that’s the joy of CrossFit, everyone is busy doing their own thing so it didn’t feel uncomfortable and the endorphin rush lasts all day. My health issues - which have got serious but can be managed with the wonders of modern medicine - all have a root in my anxiety (reading “the body keeps the score” and “ recovering your inner child” was enlightening). So they improved over the months too. I’d previously tried talking therapy but that had stopped working. My GP sign posted me to NHS counselling and they said they thought any talking therapy would risk re traumatising me and suggested EMDR instead which has changed my life and freed me a little bit from the consequences of childhood trauma! I mention these things as the way you describe how your inner voice treats yourself is familiar to me.

A year down the line - I feel amazing. I’ve no longer overeating because I’m no longer miserable - so the scales are ticking down (very slowly about a lb a month but I’m ok that it will take a couple more years to get into health BMI again because I know it will happen now). I’ve had a couple of more minor health issues sorted as I’ve had the energy and self esteem to feel able to get it sorted. I’m more flexible and stronger than I’ve ever been. I can face being in a photo! I’ve seen a few photos recently where I was in the background and unaware photo had been taken - I was pleasantly surprised with how I felt I looked fine… maybe even looked great.

Yes and No.
I have struggled with weight gain and yo-yo dieting for a long time. Now I try and be kinder to myself. I buy myself nice clothes occasionally. I eat what I want (instead of bingeing and trying to diet). I signed up for a course to learn sewing. It’s a work in progress but I feel better than I did.

I gave up eating wheat/gluten and the majority of the UHP foods I (overate) used to love. Mentally framed it as a lifestyle overhaul, and it's done me the world of good. I've lost over 4 stone so far (since about March) and have another stone to go.

Slow and steady, i don't mind it it takes me another six months to lose that last stone. I also aim to start toning up but life is very busy and I can't quite find a gentle starting point. I take a multi vitamin and don't have caffeine and that's about it.

I aimed to start with small changes which were manageable. Stopping eating bread made me examine what (and how much) I was eating and how awful and sluggish it actually made me feel.

Here we go. It’s essentially do it yourself therapy using cbt. It’s written by a doctor and is on the nhs r recommended reading list.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Low-Self-Esteem-2nd-behavioural/dp/1472119290/ref=asc_df_1472119290/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=310831412334&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=18169156378609912973&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045728&hvtargid=pla-417225003538&psc=1

Once you’ve read that if you’re looking to heal your relationship with food you should read this. Studying intuitive eating and taking a week to master each principle cured me of a binge eating disorder. It’s written by 2 experienced nutritionists. I think there may be a workbook as well but I’ve never used that so can’t say if it’s any good.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Intuitive-Eating-4th-Anti-Diet-Revolutionary/dp/1250255198/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=25ELSMBUD24KH&keywords=intuitive+eating&qid=1697871753&sprefix=intuitive+eating%2Caps%2C65&sr=8-1