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Original poster

Going back to work FT when dc are in secondary

31 replies

Dalhoussie · 20/10/2023 23:11

I have worked PT (30 hours over 5 days) while dc is in primary. It has worked well for dc but my job is boring and badly paid. I’ve watched colleagues with more drive/ fewer responsibilities/ more family help zoom up the career ladder and tbh I’m jealous.

I want to go back to full time now dc is heading to year 7 in 2024 - I would like to earn more, but also to be less bored. An opportunity has come up which would be 40 hours per week in an exciting role, slightly different field so lots to learn. big jump in pay.

am I mad? Everyone says teenagers need a lot of time so is this the wrong time to be doing this? Otoh what am I meant to do - wait another 8 years? Or perhaps never return to ft work at all?

would love to hear others’ experiences - did you do this? Did it work?

OP posts:
blueshoes · 20/10/2023 23:18

I did it and recommend it. My career took off and got more interesting work and promotions. Don't underestimate the boost to your pension. You might even be able to retire earlier if you go ft.

Does the new role give you the opportunity to work from home some of the time? Teenagers do need you in different ways than a younger child. It is more emotional support and keep being there when they want to talk. So sharing the same space with them at home is useful to keep an eye on them and feel connected with their lives when they start to go out more and prefer the company of their friends.

SheilaFentiman · 20/10/2023 23:19

Do it.

Cowlover89 · 20/10/2023 23:20

30 hours is still classed as full time

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Original poster
Dalhoussie · 20/10/2023 23:20

Thank you! This is good to hear … new role would mean I can wfh once or twice a week so it will be a big change from me basically always being available. I think I will have to engineer more ways to be together when we’re both at home

OP posts:
PepsiCoco · 20/10/2023 23:21

Teens do need time but 40 hours a week isn’t long hours by most people’s standards. I guess it depends on the commute etc. But I’d def take the new job

Original poster
Dalhoussie · 20/10/2023 23:21

@Cowlover89 i guess my point is that I have been working around dc, which has its benefits but has not been good for my career / pay/ pension / boredom levels

OP posts:
JupiterJan · 20/10/2023 23:22

Go for it!

DivingForLove · 20/10/2023 23:24

Do it! Teens will be fine. I find this is generally said by women justifying not going back to work rather than an actual thing - I went back full time and my kids are super independent because of it, still see them loads and know what’s going on in their lives 😊

SnoreyCat · 20/10/2023 23:38

Once your child starts secondary you will be surprised by how quickly they don’t want you anymore! They absolutely need a lot of time but ime this tends to be at 11.00pm when I’m desperate to go to bed.

If you can wfh a couple of days a week definitely take the job - for you, and because teenagers are bloody expensive.

blueshoes · 20/10/2023 23:48

They absolutely need a lot of time but ime this tends to be at 11.00pm when I’m desperate to go to bed.

Haha, teenagers become night owls. Handy that I am one too so I am there when said teen raids the fridge at 1 am.

Since you can WFH once or twice a week, sounds like a good balance.

Apart from friendship issues, teens may need help around academics, mental health, exam stress, choosing optional subjects, sixth form and unis. But you can fit these things into your schedule. It is not as if you have to be there for a 3.30 pm pick up, like a primary school child. Therefore, teens are generally more compatible with ft work, interspersed with WFH. 40 hours a week is also pretty 9-5 and not that big a commitment up from 30 hours in the scheme of things.

JesusAndMaryPain · 20/10/2023 23:49

I say do it now.
Teens need you but also they're out a lot! I work til 5 and am often home before my teen, as he is so busy with extra curricular activities. I'm also in the position of not needing to transport him.

Teens need you when THEY need you, which isn't necessarily at the time when you've got time for them. Part time or full time, this won't change!

Weenurse · 20/10/2023 23:59

It encourages them to be more independent and problem solve as Mum isn’t there to do it for them.
It also role models job satisfaction and personal growth.
It gives the opportunity to encourage sharing of jobs around the house so not everything is Mum’s job but everyone’s.
In terms of communication, Ed had regular family meetings around the table.
We tried to eat at the table together every night to discuss our days.
For the important talks such as sex and consent, those were done in the car to and from sporting events. They could not escape and you were not face to face which seemed to help.
Good luck

adjacenttoquiteafewspheres · 21/10/2023 00:02

I did this.

Then my child got really badly bullied and I had to move her to the nearest appropriate school and there's no way of getting there on public transport.

So now I'm back to working around school hours.

I actually don't regret it but I'm freelance these days so can choose my own hours so it's not the sacrifice it was when I was salaried.

Definitely can't imagine not seeing my teens til 6PM every day though.

Tara24 · 21/10/2023 00:09

Go for it. I did the same and now earn double what I did which means more money in my pension and I'm able to help them at uni..

Original poster
Dalhoussie · 21/10/2023 08:48

Really helpful responses, thank you! I think I am going to go for it!

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 21/10/2023 09:05

Cowlover89 · 20/10/2023 23:20

30 hours is still classed as full time

I work for the nhs. Anytime below 37.5hrs is part-time

SylvieLaufeydottir · 21/10/2023 09:10

Honestly, I think the only people who say "I can't work FT with teens, teens need you even more than smaller DC!!!" are the ones desperately manufacturing reasons not to ever work FT, not those who've actually worked FT and found it incompatible.

Do it.

Houseplantmad · 21/10/2023 09:14

Perfect time to do it and a great role model for your DCs to see that Mum is progressing to better opportunities. Good luck!

JaninaDuszejko · 21/10/2023 09:17

30 hours is defined by the government as FT whatever craziness the NHS expects. FT at my work is 36.5h (8.30 to 5pm Mon to Thur, 8.30 to 4pm Fri).

I work FT but DH does slightly shorter hours and WFH so does the primary school run. When our youngest starts secondary the kids will be out of the house from 8am to 4pm so he's going to go back to FT work. He'll still be around whenever they are.

sekift · 21/10/2023 09:26

I'm one of those that warn people that parenting doesn't stop with teens and some aspects intensify, particularly to warn those thinking about "another" on top of whatever number they have. However, I don't apply that to work, you need to make sure you're investing time in your teen emotionally and practically supporting, spending time with them, etc, but it's perfectly plausible to do that outside of full time working hours.

I absolutely do not think teens need part time working parents, that is OTT IMO, a choice, not a necessity.

Lavenderosa · 21/10/2023 09:31

I worked full time while my children were in secondary school and I don't regret it. The downside is that evenings were often spent driving them around to events, supervising homework etc when what I really wanted to do was flake out. I had to be super organised and expected them to be too eg remembering sports kit, making their own packed lunches the night before, being on time for the school bus. I had a reliable cleaner who also did my ironing & laundry. I couldn't have done it without help.

Angrycat2768 · 21/10/2023 09:32

I did the same but for different reasons ( making up pension contributions). I can't be bothered with promotions but I have been offered more since I went ft. Re the teenagers needing more time, I think it's fine in year 7, and as long as they are set a rule about doing their homework they can get on with it. I wfh all the time so they come home, make themselves a snack, have a bit of telly then do their homework then eat dinner. DS1 is in year 11 and because he's been in that routine he just does it although we do sit down and go through what revision he needs to do now in addition to homework. It's not a problem. They don't need someone helicoptering all the time.

CapitaineBelkacem · 21/10/2023 09:46

I did this. It's been great, both financially and in terms of the (welcome) challenges of my new job. Plus I have my eye on another job now that would be a promotion - I would have had no chance with that from my previous PT role.

I wfh 2-3 times a week but when in the office (short walk from home) am back by 5.30, which is pretty early in the life of a teen.

The biggest drawback for me is not actually kid-related but just the lack of time to do other things (car service, haircut etc). But the positives outweigh the negatives.

Do my kids need me around in the afternoons? I honestly don't know that they do! I am at home (working) at least 2 days a week and they shout a hello up the stairs and then I don't see them unless they fall out over who gets the big tv

Spendonsend · 21/10/2023 09:55

Teens still need a lot of support but in a different way. They want to talk to you at 10pm. Or have lifts to places so its fairly easy to fit full time work in. A lot just hide in there room so together time changes anyway.

I think some teens do need extensive support though as lots develop high anxiety, eating disorders, get in with the wrong crowd, dabble in drugs. But you are probably best of assuming your child wont and reacting to that if it happens.

Makingplansfor2029 · 21/10/2023 09:55

I wouldn’t have haven’t done this. My career has flown working 4 days a week and I’m in a very senior role. I think having one day a week where you’re around especially in the holidays is massive. The time between year 7 &9 is tricky. They aren’t completely independent so do need you a bit. They are too old for holiday clubs and in my opinion too young yo be left all day every day. They still need some ferrying aboit after school and in the holidays and parents don’t always want their year 7 & 8 coming over or other houses totally unsupervised for a long period. Year 9 I feel comfortable doing 4 long proper days and appreciate that I could now do 5 and it’s a luxury not to, but year 7 & 8 given the option I wouldn’t.

All said with a caveat that I am a lone parent with no help at all and obviously it would be perfectly possible if I had to but given the option I think year 7&8 is a tricky time logistically if you have a choice