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Original poster

My year 7 is being left out, tell me it gets better!

15 replies

ItsRebekahVardy · 20/10/2023 18:17

So school is crap
But she ate lunch alone and can tell that girls in groups in her class don’t want to talk to her /have her around.

I feel sad for her. Tell me stories of how it gets better when they find their tribe when they are older.

OP posts:

Cluelessbutwilling · 20/10/2023 18:23

There are stages to friendships and those who start off as little groups often end up falling out by Christmas and those who don't find their chums in September are often buddied up in a month or two.
I suggest she joins a club to meet those outside her stream - chess/latin/rugby/coding whatever she fancies. Lunch time clubs are excellent too if she 's lonely at that time of the day.
My ladies are at Uni now and yes they do 100% find their tribe.

AudreyHD · 20/10/2023 18:28

My eldest went to the library at lunch til about January til he found his tribe.
the next eldest used to hang on the periphery of a large group til year 8 when he found his close friends
The third stuck with the friends he had at primary.
it is crap and can feel lonely but she’ll find her group soon, high school takes a while to settle into but I’m sure there are others in her year who feel the same and they’ll find each other soon.
100% try the lunch clubs

ForensicFlossy · 20/10/2023 19:12

Year 7 can be really tough friendship wise. My dd stuck with a friend from primary until the middle of year 8. It was very strained and she was always upset about not having proper friends.

She has just started yr 9, she met a little group of girls at about Easter and has definitely found her tribe. She is having a small birthday party this weekend for the first time in about 4 years. She is genuinely happy after a rocky couple of years.

It can take time for them to find the right group of friends, remind your dd that there will be loads of others feeling the same as her. Encourage her to join clubs, use the library etc as this is where others will go to make friends.

It is heartbreaking to watch it all happening but all you can do is be supportive xx

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catscalledbeanz · 20/10/2023 20:25

A year ago I wrote pretty much the same thing about my dd. And through year 7 tbh it didn't get better as she got more isolated and became defensive and so other girls were even more put off. BUT somehow this year we've turned a corner. She's got a few friends and is so happy. I think she matured over the summer and her own confidence grew so that she didn't come across as desperate or needy.

vipersnest1 · 20/10/2023 20:36

I've written this assuming she is in Year 7:
Are there any clubs she can join? My school has a whole raft of them and some of them are deliberately designed for students who don't have somewhere else to go so they can make friends within the club.
Sports teams are another possibility if she is sporty.
In the absence of all of those, I'd contact the head of year to get their impression of what's going on. You might be advised to wait and see, as it takes a while for a new year group to gel.
If she's in a class where she gets on with one or more fellow students, she could ask them if they would like to meet for lunch, or to come back to yours to game, watch a film etc.
If she's shy, that all might take time, but it will work itself out.

twistyizzy · 20/10/2023 20:40

DD is in Yr 7. We chose a secondary that none of her friends were going to so she started afresh. It was tough for the first week but then found a group to hang with however it looks like that group is splintering off. I think Yr 7 is very volatile and unsettled.
Can your DD join any clubs etc? It is so tough watching them struggle but definitely speak to her tutor/HOY as they will be used to managing this.

NaughtyBoyGeorgeMichaelJacksonBrown · 20/10/2023 20:46

Just going through this a bit with DS - he's following around the only kids he knows from primary that are in his classes but I don't think he's happy. I had a great chat today with the school and like a PP, they have a room/club where kids can go during lunch and break if they don't feel comfortable elsewhere and they can chill/do crafts etc and they are going to invite him to that. The MH team are also going to speak to his teachers and try and gently buddy him up. He always says he wants to be alone but it breaks my heart.

Can you speak to the teachers?

ReturnOfTheRainMac · 20/10/2023 21:11

Did she go to school with the same group as primary? Do you know any of their parents?

It will get easier and I'm so sorry for you and her.

My DD just started year 7 and I was so scared. There are plenty of people in this situation, I promise you. I've seen a girl that I'm trying to get DD to include as she walks alone but DD assumes she has friends once she gets to school. It's just a horrible time but she will get through it.

ReturnOfTheRainMac · 20/10/2023 21:12

Also how can she tell they don't want to talk to her? Is she sure?

Original poster

ItsRebekahVardy · 20/10/2023 21:12

She doesn’t want me to.

Thank you for the lovely messages

Shes chirpy now and I reminded her Hermione was a hard pill to swallow at first so her Harry Potter head is settled for the half term.

School sucks.

Hugs to any other parents x

OP posts:

Original poster

ItsRebekahVardy · 20/10/2023 21:14

She is in every club going.

I am hoping it will pass thank you for messages. I have messaged pastoral to see if they can keep a look out

OP posts:

ReturnOfTheRainMac · 20/10/2023 21:14

If you know the other parents or they seem particularly trustworthy, she doesn't need to know you asked them

Comedycook · 20/10/2023 21:17

It's still early days...it's only October. My DD is in year 8....she struggles at first but is fine once she gets to know people. She felt a bit out of it all at the start of year 7. What I realised is that at the start of secondary a lot of the friendships and groups are not necessarily genuine friendships...more a mish mash of kids getting to know one and other. I reminded my dd no matter how confident and part of the group they may seem, they're all actually terrified. As time went on they all sort of found their feet including my DD and she is super happy now.

Wishing your DD all the best

Original poster

ItsRebekahVardy · 20/10/2023 21:18

So I am known to many parents in the other years and groups due to my role socially and professionally. Good chat/standing/banter. I am often invited out!

This isn’t gonna be fixed by networking as the parents aren’t particularly on the scene. There are many classes and this class in particular has people commute from miles away ( grammar with big catchment).

If I described her she is a hermione so I guess it might have rubbed. Hope that others can see what a sweetie she is over time.

OP posts:

DeadbeatYoda · 21/10/2023 09:21

My third dc is in yr 10 now. Frankly, secondary school can be utterly horrible for many children - especially with the behaviour problems schools are now dealing with. I sincerely hope this is not the case for you.
Suggestions to go to school clubs to meet other pupils outside her immediate lessons / form is a great idea. I would also say to ensure she has attends other activities outside of school with completely different kids - this can be a life saver if it gets difficult at school for a while.
Keep an eye on her social media. A lot of the really insidious stuff that makes teens so unhappy us happening there.
Good luck, hope your dc is one of the lucky ones.

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