Should I go back on the sertraline?

[Lifeonabudget]

Not sure if this is normal or not. Best friend has been diagnosed with incurable cancer. She’s only 30. I am absolutely devastated, have cried on and off for the last two weeks since we found out. She is only 30 years old and leaving behind a beautiful two year old boy. I came off sertraline a few weeks ago and had been feeling really good until this, had more motivation and energy etc, less foggy headed. Side effects of the sertraline were that I was unable to cry and was actually on it for OCD mainly. OCD symptoms are totally manageable, it’s just this emotionally side. Not sure if this is a normal reaction or a sign I need them? Please be kind, I was on them for 11 years and am still trying to navigate the way my brain should be working without them! I am just so heartbroken for my friend and her son, and selfishly myself because I have no idea what I am going to do without her in this world.

@Elliebellie87 i think you are probably right there. I have no idea how to navigate this, especially when I have so many eyes on me waiting for me to ‘fail’. I feel like because i was on them so long that people around me think any sign of emotion means I need to go back on them.

Well when I say so many eyes I mean H and my mum! Still too many though I think 😆

What you're feeling is natural unlike on sertraline which sometimes numbs emotion. When your friend does die try to think of it as her release from pain and the indignity that terminal illness brings. I watched a dear friend who was a fairly young age succumb to cancer it was horrible to witness. You won't fail op you are human and its ok to be upset, hurt for your friend.

It's your body and your choice and if you think they would help, nothing wrong with taking ADs to help coping with grief. Personally i found i was worse in the first month of setraline (but again it's very much a personal experience, everyone is different).

Its very difficult to cope with grief, and you are allowed to grieve for what's going to happen in the future. Unfortunately Its a normal process which you are going to have to deal with, and it can mimic depression. Your friend is going to need your support now, she needs you to be strong. Try not to think about after, you can deal with that time when it comes. Do you have family or close friends other than her you can talk to for support?

I don’t have a lot of people I can talk to, I’m not a very emotional person in general so if I was to go to a friend in this state they would probably be like what the hell?! I’m just saving it for the moments I’m alone. Currently sat folding mount laundry sobbing my heart out while the baby naps. She begins palliative chemo next week and I will be with her while she has it. I’d never let her see me like this because she doesn’t need the burden of my emotions too. I’m very worried I’m going to fall to pieces the second I see her (haven’t seen her face to face since she found out).

Perhaps look up nhs uk or macmillan about palliative chemo so you have an idea what to expect and what your friend is going to go through.