DH and I have been having marriage counselling since April but for various reasons we are considering stopping and finding a new counsellor. This feels like quite a drastic decision so I'm just seeking advice on here before we decide on next steps. Has anyone has experienced stopping and restarting with a new counsellor?
(I am also wondering if anyone in here has found a good couples counselling service and can recommend (London)).
Our reasons for considering changing are:
- current service is 100% online (Relate) and DH in particular has realised he finds face to face so much more helpful and feels he struggles to engage / connect using Zoom. Neither of us feel we have made a particularly good relationship with the counsellor, despite now having weekly sessions for nearly 7 months. We both have separate individual therapy too and DH has his face-to-face which he much prefers.
- the Relate service means you go through the main switchboard for everything, including on the few occasions we've needed to rearrange an appointment. The answer is always no, but you are never able to email the counsellor directly. With our individual counsellors it's much easier to quickly liaise with them using their professional email addresses. The system seems clunky and not set up to be particularly helpful. On two occasions our counsellor was unaware why we had cancelled the session and assumed it was for a negative reason rather than simple diary clash, because the switchboard don't speak to her, they just remove us from her calendar.
- the sessions feel short at 50 minutes which is a normal length for individual therapy but when there are two of you it never feels enough. We would be interested in having an hour, or even potentially longer if offered, but again Relate doesn't offer this.
- after a lengthy waiting list then initial consultations we were keen to get going and have both been completely committed to improving our marriage and we have committed to the sessions, but still neither of us feel we are making progress. Now that could be for all manner of reasons and not necessarily the counselling. However it doesn't feel that process is being made.
- Relate is really expensive at £140 a session.
So those are our current reasons for thinking of changing. However I'm super aware that counselling isn't a silver bullet and we might not find anything better. At the same time is it worth continuing when neither of us feel it's helping and at this cost?
Does anyone have any experience of this?
Maybe I'll post a separate thread asking for recommendations but if anyone's in London and can recommend excellent marriage counselling please also let me know.
Thank you