Anyone awake? Feel on the brink of burnout.

[Roto]

I'm not sure what I need to change to make life work, but it's not right now...

I have a husband and a nearly 2-year-old. He doesn't sleep through yet, still breastfeeds but we're weaning. At the moment he's home, but he's due to start nursery two mornings a week soon.

DH was made redundant during Covid. He has struggled to find another job because of a visible disability, so he's been a SAHD really.

I used to be self-employed. I accepted a FT position with flexibility three weeks ago, in the hope it'd give me a better work/life balance. It did mean giving up some income, but I get stability/maternity pay/progression as a result.

We have two remaining freelance clients - one that DH is looking after, but that still needs some of my time at the moment while he learns the ropes, and one that is basically live events.

The second is a labour of love. It's poorly paid, but is working on 26 annual events that I love, and was supposed to go to. But then some organisational changes meant an intern went instead, I've spent nearly the whole season fighting for it to be better run, and now the changes are coming in but too late, and I'm basically training up the intern and another person to be my "team". I offered to walk away earlier this week, but my manager said I'd done an incredible job and they want me to stay, and I can go to the last event of the season... but the first day of that clashes with my first FT job all-staff meeting 🥴

1st freelance job is completely flexible, and DH does most of it. 2nd job is Thurs - Sun, and overnight. FT job is 9 - 5. FT job knows about client work and is okay with it as long as it doesn't interfere with my FT work - we have an agreement that I'll either finish the season (end of Nov) and then leave, or if I renew for next year, I'll go PT at my FT job.

But I'm drowning. I'm so, so tired. I've currently got pneumonia and I'm fairly sure it's just that I'm so run down. I feel like I'm chasing my tail between projects, I never get any quality time with DS, and I'm not holding it together.

Obvious answer appears to be to get rid of #2 but it pays fast and reliably, and I worry I'll need it 🫣 I also feel like they "owe" me that last on-site visit, which is a bucket list thing of mine, but perhaps I'm being stupid here?! Nursery isn't cheap, £400-odd a month for two mornings, and it covers that... Plus there's "only" 5 events left this season but they're so hard.

Could do with some outside opinions!

Sorry you’re ill. I don’t know what the answer is for you but I know I tried for too long to keep a job with mad hours going when my kids were small and sometimes got sick with pneumonia or low grade blood infection because I just kept trying to push through. I guess just think if anything needs to change in the short term or long term. Eg would it be feasible to have a slower start at FT job so you can give it your all when the other event thing is finished? All depends on finances I guess. Is there anything else that can change to get you through the next few weeks? Can you go to less of the last event if feasible? I do think on the face of it it would be good to show commitment and go to the all staff meeting. Is part of the pressure st the moment because it is new and you are learning new ways of doing things and new people? But maybe you do have to let go of something in the short term, and maybe pick it up again in the future, good luck thinking it through and get well soon!

Thanks Squirrels. Sorry you've been here too!

FT job is lovely but need me now, really. They've won a new project basically off the back of my reputation and expertise so it was the right time to go in-house (I used to freelance for them).

I think I have to say goodbye to #2. It's really only love for the event, and my bucket list, that's keeping me there. I so want it to work. When it's quiet and calm, I think I should be able to balance them... but then it's 4am and I'm working and my toddler wants to snuggle on me and it's chaos, and I'm tired all weekend, and I think that's unsustainable.

You're right on me needing to prioritise the meeting, too. So I guess the reason I'm "hanging on" is sort of irrelevant...

Thanks again for replying! It helps to talk it out.

You’re welcome, hope today is a better day!

@Roto that's full-on. Been there. Freelance design, plus part-time work, plus a bit more of this, and another project there, plus two kids under 4, juggle juggle juggle. Creative work seems to get like that sometimes, and needs thinning out, especially when kids are growing up. You need a job that will support you in the everyday stuff (like sickpay) I found that I cut back on everything except the permanent job (the one that pays sickpay, tax, holiday pay) and now my kids are grown up I can pick up freelance stuff with a bit more equanimity (eg people don't need me to cook so much). So I think (for what it's worth) that doing the one job is enough. More than enough, really. Don't burn out for the sake of a few hundred quid. I know the feeling, and send you solidarity from afar! Good on you! Take care.