Is it OK to distance myself from this man?

[Carmargo]

Hi all, first off I would like to say that of course I can if I wish to but wondering if it's the best thing for me AND that I'm not being a bitch.

I recently reconnected with an ex from many many years ago. We're both in our 40s now.

It's all very nice when we're together and I think we have a great time but things are not official that we're a couple.

I don't know if I wish to be, he's much more grown up now but I still remember the pain he caused me by us breaking up.

I don't know if I do wish to stop seeing him entirely yet but it's not going anywhere on a romantic level for me and I doubt it ever will, my question is this: would it be OK from your perspective for me to just distance myself from him to allow myself to let it fade out?

Just pulling back gradually.

I suppose I could just dump him but it seems a bit presumptuous to do so given we're not actually a couple.

Am I being underhand here or not?

You can do whatever you like but if you're definitely not feeling it romantically then you do need to let him know

Well if you want out the morally correct thing to do is let him know

Or you could get revenge on him somehow for what he did to you all those years ago

I don't want revenge but my heart is utterly closed off to him now.

I'm not even sure that he regards me as anything other than a friend anyway. He keeps bringing the word up a lot but on the other hand is quite touchy feely.

So with that in mind just letting it fade out seems reasonable to me.

Obviously if this was a proper relationship I couldn't do that.

I’m sure there’s an argument for setting your boundaries in an upfront way and just telling him, but it sounds as if it’s emotionally more complicated than that?

Yes I do still like him a lot but I see no future in it. I watched the old sitcom Just Good Friends the other day and it's too close to the bone.
Bottom line is that I feel that it'll be painful to just exit and say goodbye and I'd rather let it slide.
I don't know if this would be wrong, but given there's no actual relationship I don't see how a couple of friends have to be in contact all the time.

Yes it's selfish but I don't owe him my time.