After school activities - how many is too many?

[FrenchFancie]

I’ve accidentally got into one of ‘those’ conversations that’s left me feeling like a bit of a shit parent. Talking to one of the mums at DDs school - her son does an activity every night (drama / singing / guitar lessons / cubs and I think it was karate but I might be wrong).

DD does three days of dance, horse riding and a musical instrument and I was saying how we’re dropping all but one day of dance and the musical instrument because she’s tired and doesn’t want to do it all. Other mum basically told me I was failing Dd by not making her keep going as ‘what’s she going to put on her UCAS form?’. I have to confess there is also a financial expect as we could afford it all when she started but everything had gone up and now we are struggling.

both kids are yr 6 at primary.

anyway, what do other kids that age do? Is there such a thing as too much / not enough activities?

The right number of activities is the number of activities that is right for your child/family/finances.

UCAS form? Is that Uni? I think you’ve got plenty of time yet to be thinking of stuff like that. Personally I’d just say you can’t afford it. If she tries to argue that you can then suggest she pays for it.

DS year 6 nothing, just doesn’t want to!
DD 14 3 nights dancing, 1 night singing, friday night 2.5 hrs paid work at dance school, Sat am works 1.5 hours at Stagecoach then flute. Currently does Stagecoach Sat pm for 3 hrs but that is ending.

she loves it dance relaxes her and is close to the house- she got both her jobs from her activities and loves having the money s month to spend

Do both children have siblings?

It’s easier to take your child to something every night when they are an only (and it also burns off some useful energy). Very different if you have more than one.

Right number is what you can afford both financially, time wise and what the kids want to do.

The UCAS personal statement will be replaced by a set of questions that the student must answer.

I can’t imagine any admissions officer would be interested in Y6 karate anyway.

After school activities need to be fun and affordable. I can understand some families use them as childcare. We didn’t so tried to keep them to a minimum for financial reasons.

it’s really irritating trying to arrange to play with friends when they are always at judo, gymnastics, football, drama, brain surgery classes.

Kids are all different. Some need a lot of time after school to decompress and others get bored very easily and need to do a lot. I don't think it does any good to compare children in this way, what's right for one might not be for another.

I think this is a tough one as sometimes activities are built into school/after school aren’t they?

My DS (7) and DD (5) do one week day of a school sport (like football or tennis) which we don’t really ‘feel’ as it’s directly at end of day and acts as childcare. Then they both do foreign language on Tuesday pm, plus piano after school Friday pm, then Saturday morning they do swimming then a foreign language (all done between 11am and 1pm so we can sleep in plus still have fun later). So technically that’s 2 sports, 1 instrument, 1 foreign language = 4 activities across 4 days.

This arrangement feels manageable and we would not consider anything additional unless it was built in to be within school premises (no parental involvement needed).

My DDs do one sport each plus Scoutsvout of school. And also some based clubs (all frree).

This involves me out of the house most evenings and often both weekend days.

I couldn't physically get them more places!!

I think some parents make their dc do loads to try to make the child more popular and look good when it's in fact all about the parents agenda.

In dc's class at school (year 1) there is a little boy who does activities 2 nights a week (karate/ beavers) then mum makes sure he goes to soft play or park the other nights- then he does swimming Saturday mornings! He is always looking tired and mum says he never wants to get up for school (actually maybe he wants to rest more evenings!)

However mum always 'shows off' what her ds does all over Facebook and when talking to other parents but really he probably wants to just have some chill time.

I personally think so many parents force their kids into activities seven days a week so they don't have to actually entertain them themselves. Anyway, my eldest didn't do anything after about age 8 as she just wasn't interested. She preferred to be at home. She's now at University.

A wise woman once said : learning to swim is non negotiable, then they must do one other sport ( running, football, judo). The problem with dropping back in year 6 is it's when DC start to make really good progress. I am a fan of extra- curricular stuff. I gave up coffees so DCs could ride once a week we also did tutoring.

2 per week is plenty! Mine did a sport and choir when younger out of school (music instrument was in the school day) then added Saturday morning orchestra late primary.

My kids have always been busy with music/cubs/sport - I've told them they can try different things until they get too busy with homework, school etc - then they'll have to make a choice.

It's been helpful for the eldest to have a group of friends outside school as he's struggled with the move to secondary.

Saying that, I think it's fine to encourage but if they're too tired and finding it too tiring at the end of the day/week, it's also completely ok to cut back.

My dd is 7, ds is 6 and dd2 is 2. Dd1 is doing dance for 6 weeks, swimming once a week, arabic lessons (2×20 minutes) a week and goes to girl guides once a week. The dance is only for one term afterschool a year.Ds does football once a week and then swimming and arabic lessons. They are currently in the same class for swimming so dh takes them on a Sunday morning and arabic lessons are on zoom which I facilitate/ help them to practice. Dd2 does swimming and a toddler music class.

I don't drive so wouldn't be able to facilitate dance and football classes if they were held elsewhere. I also work on Saturdays so would just be dh lugging all 3 around instead of me. Dd does guides as a way of making friends outside of school and looks forward to it every week. Dh takes her as it falls in my working day. Dd will start a musical instrument if she wants to next year and with the lesson being at school it doesn't impact me much.

Tell the woman to mind her own and do what is best for your family. I see swimming and arabic lessons as a necessity for mine, everything else is just a plus.

DS10 football twice a week, nunchucks, karate and cubs
DS8 musical theatre, nunchucks, cubs and about to start boxing.
DD6 swimming
Apart from swimming (which is a must!) they choose what they'd like to do. I personally would prefer less clubs, as it's sooo difficult fitting it all in, not to mention expensive! But they enjoy it, so i feel I can't say no.

Most parents can't afford all that! It's more than most kids I have met In my children's schools

So trust yourself in the chioce.