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Original poster

Is it ok to go on holiday with each DCs family separately?

34 replies

Doio · 18/10/2023 10:39

Won’t say the position I am but in any family, would you think it’s ok for parents of adult children to go on holiday with each of their kids/grandkids separately?

So Greece with DD, SIL & DGC in the spring

and Spain with DS, DIL and DGC in the autumn?

Someone thinks that spreading the time is unfair and it would make more sense to go just once or even twice with everyone but DD and DS in the situation do not particularly get on and the families are quite different.

OP posts:
GingerIsBest · 18/10/2023 10:42

Of course it's fine. I can't even begin to imagine why it wouldn't be.

The only thing that might be a problem would be if the parents went always with one child and family and not the other or let down one family in order to spend time with the other.

But in normal life, of COURSE it's fine. My dad goes away with my sister all the time - because she goes on more holidays, has more money and organises these things. The rest of us are fine with that and organise other things/time with him.

LittleOwl153 · 18/10/2023 10:42

Given that the children are adults... why the heck not. We frequently do this. I'm the dd here... there's no way I'd want my brother and his crew along on every trip we take with my mum or my DH's brother etc along on everything we did with his mum. Bonkers!

Original poster
Doio · 18/10/2023 10:43

GingerIsBest · 18/10/2023 10:42

Of course it's fine. I can't even begin to imagine why it wouldn't be.

The only thing that might be a problem would be if the parents went always with one child and family and not the other or let down one family in order to spend time with the other.

But in normal life, of COURSE it's fine. My dad goes away with my sister all the time - because she goes on more holidays, has more money and organises these things. The rest of us are fine with that and organise other things/time with him.

One of the parents disagrees with it and wishes everyone could just spend time together

OP posts:

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Families Holidays
LittleOwl153 · 18/10/2023 10:43

If you were saying you took dd and family all inclusive skiing and ds and family in a tent in Skeggy then I can maybe see a point.. but just different occasions... whose business is it anyway!

DeathRattleDazzle · 18/10/2023 10:44

Of course it is?! The DCs are adults with children of their own? To make everyone go away together would be so weird.

Chewbecca · 18/10/2023 10:44

Of course it is fine.

VisionsOfSplendour · 18/10/2023 10:45

Why wouldn't it be fine, does the person think whole families go on holiday en masse?

Cheeesus · 18/10/2023 10:45

Who is it unfair on?

pinkfondu · 18/10/2023 10:47

Sounds much nicer quality time tbh. No one enjoys a holiday that people don't want to be on together

GingerIsBest · 18/10/2023 10:52

I think there's a difference to saying "I'd prefer to all go on holiday together" and "I think it's unfair if we don't go on holiday together".

If one of th parents would rather go on holiday with all of their children and grandchildren together, that's a perfectly reasonable desire. It may or may not be practical due to preferences/finances/time off etc, but it's okay to want it. But it's certainly not "unfair" if it doesn't happen.

NoodleNuts · 18/10/2023 10:55

It depends really, can the parents afford to go on 2 holidays abroad every year just to keep their children happy? Maybe that is why one parent has an issue.

I can see how it might be an issue if they go to Greece with one but then don't go to Spain with the other or vice versa. Can they say no to both?

mindutopia · 18/10/2023 10:56

I think it's a bit unusual to go on holiday with adult dc and their families, but as long as you are invited, I don't think it's at all odd to go with them separately. I personally can't think of anything more hellish than a big family holidays with the in-laws, BIL/partner, and us. Too many personalities and too much pandering to everyone's whims.

I have (not adult) dc living at home and I often take mine on holiday separately. They are different ages and enjoy different things and it's nice to spend time one-on-one with them. It's also so much easier to keep the trips small and manageable.

NoSquirrels · 18/10/2023 10:59

One of the parents disagrees with it and wishes everyone could just spend time together

If wishes were horses…

It’s fine to wish the adult children got on better and you could have a massive extended family holiday, Waltons-style. But it’s not realistic.

Plus, the way I’m reading it is you (parents/grandparents) have been invited to come along on each separate family holiday - so unless you’re bankrolling the big extended family holiday idea your only choices are to accept both invitations, decline both invitations or accept only one (and potentially offend).

CorylusAgain · 18/10/2023 11:02

Wishing your adult dc got along is completely understandable. But deeming it "unfair" is just silly.
Holidaying with adult children and their families is unusual in my experience but if that's what your dc want then great.
If 2 holidays a year is too expensive for the dp then alternate years. A parent trying to force a whole family holiday is a non starter.

Mistressanne · 18/10/2023 11:02

I have adult dc and love it when were altogether.
However it's rare and my 2 whilst they care for each other are very different and would want completely different holidays.

TheGooseDrankWine · 18/10/2023 11:03

Of course it’s fine.

And much better than guilt tripping anyone into a big group holiday that no one really wants to do like that.

Mumofoneandone · 18/10/2023 11:06

My parents often come on holiday with me, DH & DGC. V occasionally with other adult child and their children. Could never go on holiday all together, but that's a whole different story.....

APurpleSquirrel · 18/10/2023 11:09

I think some people have a very idealised view of these big family holidays where everyone mucks in, has fun, eat & drink lots etc etc
The reality maybe very different!
I love my PIL - we (me, DH & DC) have been on holiday with them a few times - all fine, great holidays.
We then attempted a weekend away in a holiday house in the UK with DHs brothers & partners. It was awful, for various reasons, but mostly because the brothers are very different people in very different life stages with very different priorities. They get along fine for the odd family meal/Christmas, but make it longer & in a confined space it's a big no!
PIL have unsurprisingly not suggested we do it again!
However, I have friends who do this yearly & it all works fine - so it really depends on the relationship's & personalities at play.

Workawayxx · 18/10/2023 11:18

Of course, absolutely fine. My parents sometimes go away with my brother and his family and sometimes with me and mine. It wouldn't even be as equal/fair as in your situation necessarily, it'd depend on how things work out. No resentment on any side afaik.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/10/2023 11:18

Well of course it would be preferable for everyone to get on and have the option of a big family do, but it isn't so what's the alternative? The grandparents can just go on holiday alone.

Is it the grandparents picking the location / paying? I could see how Mauritius Vs Benidorm might be contentious if so but otherwise the Gaps can go where they want with whom they want when they want

yogasaurus · 18/10/2023 11:19

Yes it’s fine. Massive family holidays aren’t for me either. We all get on amazingly, but it’s just too much logistics.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/10/2023 11:56

Course it's fine

You get extra time with each child and their children /your grand children

Ans even more so if your siblings don't get on that well so wouidnt went to go on holiday together anyway

BerriesNutsConkers · 18/10/2023 12:21

Totally unreasonable to try to force adult dc to holiday together, I have been on family holidays with my parents and wouldn't want to go with my sibling and family as well. We get on but are very different and a holiday together would be a disaster!

Mrsjayy · 18/10/2023 12:23

That sounds amazing and it's fantastic your . Dc want to spend time with you .

crumblingschools · 18/10/2023 12:26

Are the considerations of the siblings’ partners also being taken into account? Are they happy to go on holiday with the in-laws. Extended family holidays are not compulsory

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