Talk some sense into me! Decluttering old clothes

[Iamlikesorry]

I've recently moved house, its lovely but smaller. We've got rid of years of useless possessions that have accumulated. (Now late 50's).

But....

I have a huge wardrobe of clothes, some go back 20 years, very few fit me now. I really struggle to let go.

Even I were to lose 4/5 stone, I'd surely want to buy new things. I'm not so hard up I couldnt start the process.

But I think underneath I feel that if I give them all to a charity shop (they're decent but not high fashion) I'd finally be admitting I wouldn't be a 12 again. Plus I think of all the money spent over the years!

Being a 12 again is not dependent on what old clothes I still possess. That could happen regardless (with a huge sustained lifestyle change!)

Help me!

Why am I struggling so much? (Suspect I might be ADHD, DD and nephew have been diagnosed recently and I see lots of behavioral/emotional similarities! Not sure its remotely relevant though)

Talk some sense into me.

Cant move properly into our bedroom, its full of clothes with not enough space to put them!

Minimal mom is great for wardrobe declutter advice and also has the "time will tell/quarantine" container (except shes US so calls it a bin!) and selecting three leggings/ three jeans /three dressess etc.

Clear out all the holiday/hot UK Weeather clothes and fold and store to deal with in spring.

So the rest - get rid of ripped stained faded damaged stuff. (Charity shop labelled clean rags)

Anything else decide to keep in wardrobe or quarantine or sell.

Fashion is a about a 5 year cycle so even "timeless classics" will seem dated eg a pair of black trousers from 10 years ago will be lower on waist etc.

Also most people (unless you reallu don't care what you look like and wearing 10 year old clothing) buy new clothes most years. So i no longer feel guilt from getting rid and clearing out.

Sell in vinted is second nature now two times a year during bi annual wardrobe sort out!

Doing the

Fashion is a about a 5 year cycle so even "timeless classics" will seem dated eg a pair of black trousers from 10 years ago will be lower on waist etc.
I don't agree with this. I'm wearing things from decades ago, and didn't go for low waists etc.

If the 'thin' clothes are from the 1990s, get rid and if listing them on Vinted put the measurements. The waists tend to be a lot smaller. I still have some (bagged up and ready to donate) but my waist will never be that size again.

Listing on Vinted takes just 60 seconds If only. It does help you say goodbye to the item though.

I'm getting myself psyched up - already looking at a dress I wore for my 40th and realising I can move it on with no qualms...

Maybe think of letting go of the lower value items (not worth trying to sell) as doing a good thing by helping the charity & someone who needs a way to buy cheaper decent condition clothes. You can do a good thing by helping them, that happens to also help you (give you more space in your home).

I’ve just donated a lot of my clothes to a local charity shop that is a worthwhile cause, it made me feel good and slightly virtuous 😀 Perhaps use your spare bed as a start to fold and bag up the old clothes that don’t fit. I have an ongoing pile for donations and one for selling. I find keeping them there for a few weeks really helps and I come to terms (sad I know !) with them going. Also, it makes you realise how little you actually need them. You can add to the piles as the mood takes you. I find it incredibly difficult too but this method works for me. By taking them out of storage/drawers and getting them ready to go I have to accept they are no longer any use to me iyswim.

Vinted means you can replace items at a low cost now. You don’t have to buy full price for good quality. I can honestly say I don’t remember what I have donated now and I haven’t missed anything. Getting dressed is much easier as is knowing what I need and want. It’s an ongoing process though !

One thought that helps me to get rid of stuff is photographs. Would I really want to be seen in for example this years holiday photographs wearing the same dress I was wearing in photographs taken 7 years ago.

I took photos of all my special old clothes that had memories attached but would never fit/suit me again, and made a little album. Some of them were virtually rags so I cut swatches of the fabric off. I wrote little diary entries for some of them so I could keep the memories but offload bags and bags of stuff.

I photographed my vintage collection when I was selling it, and it’s nice to still see them. I remember each & every piece, though! I always charity shop nice things, as that keeps the cycle going & I’ll find nice things in turn.

I’m donating equally to my local charity shops. One’s a posh one, where they charge 50 quid for a Hobbs dress. The other, you can get the same for a tenner (I shop there!).

I’m useless with this. Had a dress I bought about 15 years ago. Charity shopped it. Realised I loved it so found the exact replacement on eBay and now I’ve barely worn it!

I have a teenage daughter who is quirky/alternative & absolutely raids all my old gothy stuff - I'm finding it makes it easier to let go.

So for example she was rocking a 00s velvet jacket from Monsoon the other day, as part of a murder mystery movie she's making with mates.

I found myself admiring dd2's clever retro look but simultaneously realising it wasn't an item I'd want to wear again (& I loved it & wore it to death!) - it's puffy in the wrong places, has naff lapel embroidery - just looks all wrong, unless like dd2 you're a crimson haired, 6', 16yo bombshell, in which case you can obviously wear what you damn well like 😁.

So I asked her if she wanted to keep it, she said nope, it was just for the film.

Off to Vinted it goes. It's been languishing unworn in my wardrobe for a good 15 years.

On the same principle of seeing clothes 'in the wild' I'm making myself wear various other wardrobe blockers to work. If I feel ridiculous all day, out it goes.

OP,

I just decluttered my wardrobe. I’ve sold 2/3 of my listings and so far made £300. I’ve offloaded jewellery I’ll never wear, coats, dresses I’ve worn once and boots I’ve had for years. What I’m really pleased about is that now I’m much more discerning in what I buy. I’ve only bought 1 thing so far this Autumn when this is usually the time I go bananas over boots and jumpers. Because I’ve sold things and thought, what a waste, I paid xxx for that and I got £15 for it, I’m more mindful of my spending. I don’t want loads of things, I just want to wear the nice things I’ve kept.

I feel so much better for it. I also offloaded all my size 10 stuff which I don’t think I’ll fit into again. No point keeping it.

Sell stuff on Vinted, eBay or local Facebook. You can take 5 things into John Lewis and get £5 off their fashion, so long as it can be passed onto charity.

If you can’t sell it, and it’s in good condition, pass to a charity shop. I know that’s doesn’t sound too generous, but I put the money I’ve recuperated to good use.

The ADHD IS relevant! When you experience 'out of sight, out of mind' it's much harder to let go of things that trigger memories, because you know you're potentially saying goodbye to the memory, not just the item. Handle items and take your time. Some memories you won't even want, and it then becomes easier to let it go, but the wholesale clearing out is overwhelming and almost threatening if you aren't allowed to make those judgements with full understanding of why you feel comforted/nostalgic.

The 'hoarding gene' (way oversimplified) often goes hand in hand with neurodiversity like ADHD and Autism. There are measurable differences in people with hoarding disorder (not suggesting you are in this category) that show decluttering to be far more challenging cognitively. Another symptom that seems to correlate almost perfectly is an inability to estimate time/time blindness. It's an executive function deficit. Now there are still things you can do, but give yourself a break. It really is a lot harder for some people than others, especially in certain particular areas of their life with emotional charge (clothing/weightloss is a great example). The desire to 'collect' can be compulsive even if you don't experience it in every area of your home.

When you move into your new house, it will really take the shine off the excitement if you have to unpack endless boxes of clothes which remind you of a goal you haven't achieved. You'll have enough boxes to unpack anyway.

I say this as someone who spent good money shipping pre baby clothes from the other side of the world. Oh and endless towels and bedding. I was not glad to have to unpack them and to be reminded I needed to lose weight, and I ended up sending them all to a UK charity shop a few months later.

Sorry I misread your post, you've already moved. But I still think having so much stuff from your past can stop you moving on and enjoying what's new.

I'd declutter, but keep everything you want to get rid of in a box in the attic for a year then look at it again next year. Once you get rid, you can't get it back.

I find it very stressful/tiring to make a stream of decisions about the fate of items. Understanding some of the factors behind it does make sense.

I had a BIG clothes declutter last year. I had loads of clothes I had kept 'in case I could get back into them' as well as lots of things I had bought because they were reduced down to ridiculous prices.
I realised that by the time I had gone down by how ever many sizes the too small now clothes would be completely outdated, and I could get new anyway. And I looked at the ones I had bought because they were so cheap and realised most of them were hideous anyway.
Then I looked at everything else. There were some clothes bought for specific occasions that I realised I wouldn't wear again, some that needed repairs that I realised that I was never going to do, some that were comfortable and fitted but were really tatty now, and some that I actually wore and were nice! I put those ones aside, and made 3 piles of the others:
Good enough to sell on vinted.
Good enough for a charity shop
Not good enough for either so to go to the tip
Tip and charity clothes went immediately, clothes to sell went into a separate wardrobe.
I had a mini clearout a couple of weeks ago, of clothes I would no longer be able to wear following surgery. My sister went through them with me and took a lot home. The others will go to charity. I don't have so many now and it has been good to be able to sort them out properly - I have a separate set of work clothes and I really don't need so many other clothes - I don't have much time to wear them in!

I keep winter and summer clothes separately, which generally leads to a small seasonal clear out as I do the changeover.

I also get rid of things on a one-by-one basis rather than building up a charity bag. If I try something on one morning and it is clearly not working anymore, then I keep it in my hands as I leave the house and it goes to the charity shop that day. All my items are clean/ironed so I feel this is ok.

I stopped wearing black about fifteen years ago and that led to a huge clearout at the time, as it was previously so tempting to hang on to black things on the mistaken basis that they ‘go with everything’.

I do keep an archive box of the favourite bits from my early youth.

I fall into the trap of letting the charity bag get too big. It's much easier to drop off a small carrier bag than a huge sack.
Books are easy to donate if you only take 2 or 3 at a time.

Find a charity that is close to your heart for what ever reason . Start to slowly bag up clothes you know you will never fit into. Either book a collection for your donations or drop off personally to a charity shop. I did this with after a similar experience to you OP and despite being a clothes hoarder I felt som much good in donating to a good cause . I still have a way to and could probably fill 2 more bin bags but it was a good start -

The other tip I use when decluttering is to take a photo of anything with precious memories.

once that photo is taken I find it really easy to let go !!

I find I need to give myself the bug, so I can get a dopamine hit from the declutter. Once I start seeing the space or money coming in, it becomes addictive (until I totally exhaust myself and have to take a complete break for a few weeks/months).
Finding a category that is objectively clear what falls into it helps to get the ball rolling as it removes some of the emotion. Eg most recently I accepted that regardless of my weight, middle age means my body is never going to be the same shape again. As a result, I need longer line tops. I found one top that was borderline OK, laid it on the bed, then laid every other top over it one at a time. Longer, it got to stay. Shorter, and it was split into piles for the clothes bank and Vinted. About 1/3 were cleared out, so the space gained was noticeable.
I also do the thing of putting the items in the loft for a few months (when stuff with a high emotional attachment). When I revisit things, I am often ready to let them go.
I have made about £75 from Vinted and FB Marketplace in the last month, which helps too!

I like the 'pick the 3 or 5 best' idea too - this might be the next stage for me.

Decision fatigue is a thing. Take a break if you need to.

If you've heard about the container concept (can't keep more than the container will hold) you should remember your house is also a container of sorts. Overall it can only hold a certain amount of stuff safely and hygenically without stressing you out.

It sounds a bit Marie kondo but the way I managed to get rid of all my old clothes was by acknowledging that I enjoyed wearing them at the time and got a lot of use from them. So they were never a waste.

There was a mild sadness I'd never wear them again, especially the more pricey or unusual items, but I told myself I can't be stuck in the past and would never fit into them again anyway!

Now I don't really buy more than I need. I wfh and don't have much of a social life! (By choice). So I don't need that much. I have enough money that if a special event came up I could buy something so its OK. I could even just hire something.