Sorry if this isn’t the right place to post.
My daughter has just turned 7. She’s the eldest in the year (Oct birthday). We have been told since nursery that she is unusually articulate for her age. We haven’t done anything to make this happen - she is who she is and she just spoke early and was always more keen to talk to adults, possibly because she is an only child. DH and I aren’t notably articulate.
She’s always worried me to death when it’s come to friendships. At nursery they said that she kept referring to the other children as ‘the class’ and she spent a lot of time helping the staff. We asked for this not to happen, as we wanted her to mix with her peers. Before much could be changed, Covid reared its ugly head and her nursery closed. By the time she returned to childcare she was in pre-school (a business separate to her initial nursery). At pre-school she thrived. Lots of playdates, she played well with others and the staff described her as a well liked child.
Then school began. Since day one she has clashed with another child - let’s call her T. Ts Mum was hugely keen for the girls to be friends from day one, and in honesty I found her a little overbearing, as she was always at our door unannounced - trying to create a closeness which really wasn’t there yet. I backed away kindly and gently. The girls however began to argue all the time, and by the middle of Reception they really couldn’t seem to get on at all.
I DO NOT want to speak ill of another child, but T seemed to be very sneaky from the get go. At the Reception sports day, she tore stickers off of the jumpers of other children when they had won races. At a play date, I saw her steal food from another child’s plate (not mine) and then lie to her Mummy about it. It sounded like such things happened at school a fair bit, and the fall outs all stemmed from my child retaliating by ‘telling on’ T and also trying to be the teacher and comment on Ts behaviour in a condescending way.
It’s my little girls party on Saturday. We only invited 8 girls, and only 3 are coming. Those not coming gave given legitimate excuses, but 2 have told my daughter that they are ‘not allowed to come because you are always bossy’. I’m horrified.
I did call the teacher and started with a general ‘how are her friendships going?’ She was complimentary, saying my child got on well with lots of children. She did add though, that my child is ‘beyond her years’ and can ‘annoy the others’ by trying to ‘control fall outs and games like a teacher would’.
I have made a mess of trying to discuss this with my daughter. I’ve highlighted over and over that kindness is the most important thing. I’ve explained that telling people what to do isn’t welcomed. I’ve sent her to extra clubs to try and increase her social circle.
I’ve failed my daughter because I should have kept in touch with Ts Mum. I think if I’d done that, I could now be speaking with her as a friend and solving these fall outs that just seem never ending. I’ve let her down.
Any ideas on how to help my daughter? She is my world and I can’t bear seeing her struggle like this. It seems like everyday now she says something like ‘they all ran away from me’ or ‘I told them all off’.
any kind ideas warmly welcome as I am floundering here.