Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

“I’m so old”

40 replies

contactme · 16/10/2023 11:24

In a work environment, how would you respond to people who say to you “I’m so old”?

Context: I’m mid 20s in a good job, and work with people across different ages. Today alone, 3 colleagues have said to me that they feel old around me and I’m not sure how to respond.

I usually say “no you’re not!”, but it would be good to have a bank of responses I can use as it’s something I’m not sure how to respond to

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 16/10/2023 11:28

Maybe just smile and say they must be wiser then, or something equally as cheesy.

BrunchFace · 16/10/2023 11:28

I try not to say this to people. But recently found myself going through a spate of calling myself a dinosaur.

My bet is they’re feeling insecure and worried about ageism. If they’re in their 40s you could say, “oh don’t say that, you’re decades away from retirement age”.

NotSuchASmugMarried · 16/10/2023 11:29

Just agree with them Grin

KilgoreTrouts · 16/10/2023 11:32

Politely ignore and continue whatever work related subject was under discussion? Or do you mean this was personal conversation?

nodogz · 16/10/2023 11:34

"Age is an attitude (slight pause) and you're not old."

I've been on both ends of this, when young but relatively senior, I had to work on a sensitive approach as not everyone loved taking instructions from a whippersnapper (no matter how qualified).

Now middle aged in a youngish industry, I just like to be told I'm not old/out of touch!

DappledThings · 16/10/2023 11:34

I say this sometimes. Usually in relation to some bit of me randomly starting hurting. I'm not looking for a particular response, it's just lighthearted conversation. Certainly not looking for any kind of reassurance.

Kendodd · 16/10/2023 11:36

WhateverMate · 16/10/2023 11:28

Maybe just smile and say they must be wiser then, or something equally as cheesy.

That's a good one.
Hopefully somebody will say that to me... or maybe not 😁

Original poster
contactme · 16/10/2023 11:44

KilgoreTrouts · 16/10/2023 11:32

Politely ignore and continue whatever work related subject was under discussion? Or do you mean this was personal conversation?

My manager tends to say it in meetings with me and in our one to ones. He’s said it a few times - there was an awkward pause earlier today when I realised I have replied back with “no you’re not” every time before and probably need to say something else but couldn’t think what!

OP posts:
Original poster
contactme · 16/10/2023 11:46

What are your thoughts if I reply to them “same”? I suppose intended in a jokey manner way but there’s also loads of things that make me feel old like 18 year olds or students. Comparison is the theft of joy etc but I don’t mean to sound patronising

OP posts:
readbooksdrinktea · 16/10/2023 11:52

contactme · 16/10/2023 11:46

What are your thoughts if I reply to them “same”? I suppose intended in a jokey manner way but there’s also loads of things that make me feel old like 18 year olds or students. Comparison is the theft of joy etc but I don’t mean to sound patronising

Don't do this IMO. Just stear the conversation to another topic. I roll my eyes internally when I hear twenty-somethings refer to themselves as old.

Kinsters · 16/10/2023 11:55

I'd just say "you're fine" and move quickly on if it's in a meeting or professional context. If it was socially I'd probably bring up David Attenborough and how he's bringing out a new documentary at 90 whatever...now that's old!

WhateverMate · 16/10/2023 11:57

Kendodd · 16/10/2023 11:36

That's a good one.
Hopefully somebody will say that to me... or maybe not 😁

Show quote history

I'm in my mid-fifties and no fucker's ever said it to me 😂😂

MidnightOnceMore · 16/10/2023 11:57

contactme · 16/10/2023 11:44

My manager tends to say it in meetings with me and in our one to ones. He’s said it a few times - there was an awkward pause earlier today when I realised I have replied back with “no you’re not” every time before and probably need to say something else but couldn’t think what!

Show quote history

I'd stop thinking about him and starting thinking about you.

He's being unprofessional and ageist. He's drawing attention to the age difference.

I'd try to shut this down, by saying something like 'I don't think age should matter at work'.

Buffysoldersister · 16/10/2023 11:58

I think it kind of depends how old they are and what they are saying it in response to! Ive worked with plenty of people late 20s/ early 30s who complain of being old - you're not would be a resonable response. I'm 40s and work in a mixed age team and we often comment on our ages, we're not asking for reassurance or anything it's more like a nostalgic thing, like remembering when you used to party til 2am and still be fine for work. If they are complaining of being tired because of x,y,z or new tech or something you can join in and say I'm only 25 and I'm exhausted if I'm not in bed by midnight / this system still baffles me / isn't very intuitive etc. Or you can just own being younger - I love partying all night but having kids sounds like hard work or whatever.

MrsPinkSky · 16/10/2023 11:59

contactme · 16/10/2023 11:46

What are your thoughts if I reply to them “same”? I suppose intended in a jokey manner way but there’s also loads of things that make me feel old like 18 year olds or students. Comparison is the theft of joy etc but I don’t mean to sound patronising

You really don't have to say anything, just smile and move swiftly on.

It's not your fault that you're being made to feel awkward, so just ignore and smile.

It's like when someone says "Oh I feel so fat compared to you". There's no answer, it's just awkward and they're the ones making you feel that way.

WhateverMate · 16/10/2023 12:02

MidnightOnceMore · 16/10/2023 11:57

I'd stop thinking about him and starting thinking about you.

He's being unprofessional and ageist. He's drawing attention to the age difference.

I'd try to shut this down, by saying something like 'I don't think age should matter at work'.

Show quote history

I'd try to shut this down, by saying something like 'I don't think age should matter at work'.

Oooh this is a great reply!

It's dismissive of the ageist comments they're making and it means the OP doesn't have to use a cheesy line or blow smoke up their arses.

I'd go with this OP, every time.

dudsville · 16/10/2023 12:02

Does it require a response? It's a statement rather than a question, and it could be coming from all sorts of places. I'd smile and carry on with whatever the main focus of the interaction is about, and i say that as someone who's started to feel my age!

scarloha · 16/10/2023 12:14

Oh I get this from older people a lot, but I think it’s also because I look much younger / smaller than my age (not a great thing). Never really know what to say either.

However I’ve been starting to feel pretty old around a new crop of graduates so I sympathise. Of course age shouldn’t matter but let’s not pretend like age-related career milestones plus obsolescence isn’t a thing!

CrappyBarbara · 16/10/2023 12:17

It’s just something people say. It’s meaningless and doesn’t require any particular response.

CurlewKate · 16/10/2023 12:20

Don't say anything. Laugh and move on. It's just something to say.

StarlightLime · 16/10/2023 12:22

NotSuchASmugMarried · 16/10/2023 11:29

Just agree with them Grin

Yes, this. They'll soon bloody well stop it!

Bobbotgegrinch · 16/10/2023 12:24

I always used to reply with a "Yep, you really are!" with a cheeky smile.

Either people took it in the spirit it was intended, or they didn't, in which case they never said it around me again.

SD1978 · 16/10/2023 12:47

S Ay it sometimes, and I mean it- working with people 20 yrs younger, sometimes the conversations have a very different focus to what I'd usually talk to my friends about, but it's not meant as an insult (for me) just an acknowledgment that we are at sometimes very different stages

UnravellingTheWorld · 16/10/2023 12:51

DappledThings · 16/10/2023 11:34

I say this sometimes. Usually in relation to some bit of me randomly starting hurting. I'm not looking for a particular response, it's just lighthearted conversation. Certainly not looking for any kind of reassurance.

This

Boundoverbyacat · 16/10/2023 12:56

I mean you are the age you are. Age is factual not emotional. It annoys me when people equate being older with negativity too.