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Feeling down about starting a new job

3 replies

downaboutwork · 15/10/2023 12:04

Hi all - hoping for some advice and a pick me up really. I am starting a new job at an impressive company shortly. I loved the person who interviewed and recruited me - very senior, experienced and we connected.

Sadly this person is now leaving and I’ve met my new manager a few times but each time I come away feeling weird and anxious. New manager said said a few times ‘I don’t know you’ and before we met for the first time they didn’t have time to read my CV so I felt like I was back in the interview process. I felt it was rude, to be honest. I’m not that precious so got over it.

Anyway new manager has have been very nice and welcoming and reassured me that the company is complex by its nature but I’ll get the hang of it like anyone does. They said I’ll need to arrange 121s with team members, all normal. They then said don’t worry about feeling the need to prove anything to anyone, that I’m great, otherwise I wouldn’t have made it this far etc. I just can’t imagine this person (a guy) saying this to a fellow man. But maybe I am being sensitive? I’m not sure why he even made that comment - I’m hoping it’s just to make me feel relaxed about starting the new role.

I don’t know why but I come away feeling somewhat patronised and anxious.

Admittedly this is a manager role which is quite junior for me, while the role I’m leaving now I was second in command to CEO. I don’t think my new manager understands or appreciates this. That’s fine.

But I am feeling despondent now. I’ve been unwell so I’m feeling pretty lousy anyway.

Am I being sensitive?

Any words of wisdom?

OP posts:
anniegun · 15/10/2023 12:11

It sounds like you are just out of your comfort zone as it is a new company and new people. However that will probably pass as you get to know people and the company. You may be reading too much into comments that might be clumsy but well meaning. Try not to compare everything to your previous role. I am sure you will settle in and enjoy it more once you get through this initial nervousness that many people experience with a new job

InterFactual · 15/10/2023 17:51

My husband's new boss just had a similar conversation with him. I doubt very much it has anything to do with you being a woman and more to do with him picking up on your anxious vibes and trying to reassure you. He sounds nice, I like working for people like that. You should never pick a job based on your manager as they will always move either by promotion or switching companies. You need to decide based on the company and the role rather than just the people around you as all teams are temporary.

downaboutwork · 15/10/2023 18:26

I was extremely confident and not anxious at all. His comments have made me anxious!

Yes on the whole he seems nice but I’m listening to my gut and every time I’ve come away feeling weird following a conversation with him 😵‍💫

OP posts:
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