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Original poster

What is a fair split of assets?

31 replies

thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 09:48

Together ten years. Married five.

DH earns £130k a year plus a large pension pot and shares.

Me no large pension pot and no shares but no debt.

House is my house from before we were married, about £50k left on the mortgage.

DH debt from before we were married around £30k.

I don't even know where to start.

Probably have around £10k each in savings.

OP posts:
Original poster
thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 09:49

House is worth about £120k

OP posts:
Bluevelvetsofa · 15/10/2023 09:55

Are you asking because you’re planning to separate?

As I understand it, but please correct me if I’m wrong, he’s entitled to a share of the house and you’re entitled to a share of his pension and shares, because you’re married.

Original poster
thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 09:59

Yes we are.

Yes I thought that too.

He has a lot more shares and pension than the house is worth.

OP posts:

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General money
BubleBath · 15/10/2023 10:01

Any children and are you still working full time? If not working full time, what’s the reason and was that a decision made through the duration of the marriage?

Spirallingdownwards · 15/10/2023 10:01

Everything needs to be valued to see what all assets are worth and then calculations made based om total value.

Soontobe60 · 15/10/2023 10:03

Do you have joint children?
How much do you earn?
what is the value of both your pensions?

Original poster
thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 10:07

I am unsure what is fair to the both of us. I have form for putting everyone's needs above my own so whilst I don't want anything that is above what fair is, I'm probably also likely to short change myself rather than him which I don't want to do.

We cannot talk about anything at the moment without a row so I am reluctant to talk to him yet about this right now.

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Original poster
thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 10:07

BubleBath · 15/10/2023 10:01

Any children and are you still working full time? If not working full time, what’s the reason and was that a decision made through the duration of the marriage?

I work full time. One at home who is mine but contact will be kept up between them.

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Nottodaty · 15/10/2023 10:08

It’s hard to say what’s fair. Children, whether you had a step back from your job to help with the children.

My friend could afford to take on the house so it worked out better to just leave his pension and she took on the house. In her mind she could sale the house when she retired to something smaller and use the house money to help her pension. She only had a small pension as only recently returned to FT work after raising the children.

I have another friend who is the higher earner but the house was in his name as he brought it before they married - this was alot messier to divorce as due to her earnings she would have to pay him. She stayed married and is currently organising her finance for once the youngest is 18! It was cheaper for her to stay married!

Original poster
thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 10:09

Soontobe60 · 15/10/2023 10:03

Do you have joint children?
How much do you earn?
what is the value of both your pensions?

No joint children.

I earn £51k.

My pension is about £50k his is probably about £400k I am guessing that I have no real idea.

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Original poster
thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 10:11

Spirallingdownwards · 15/10/2023 10:01

Everything needs to be valued to see what all assets are worth and then calculations made based om total value.

I am really not looking forward to this as I think this is where it will all turn nasty. I have no assets other than the house.

He has no assets other than the shares and pension. However is earning over £100k

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DrinkingFreshMangoJuice · 15/10/2023 10:14

This is what solicitors are for.

RocketIceLollie · 15/10/2023 10:14

You keep your house and he keeps his pension. You both earn good money and can move forward in life separately.

plumtreebroke · 15/10/2023 10:15

If he won't discuss anything it's going to have to go the legal route, then it's out of your hands and the court will decide what's fair.

Original poster
thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 10:15

DrinkingFreshMangoJuice · 15/10/2023 10:14

This is what solicitors are for.

I know I am just putting it off.

I just wanted a view of what other people thought before I take that step

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Original poster
thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 10:16

RocketIceLollie · 15/10/2023 10:14

You keep your house and he keeps his pension. You both earn good money and can move forward in life separately.

This is my original thought I am just wondering if it's fair on both of us.

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RocketIceLollie · 15/10/2023 10:20

It sounds fair to me. The relationship is over. Knock it on the head asap so you can each move forward with your lives instead of months/years of ongoing misery arguing about money.

Soontobe60 · 15/10/2023 10:21

To some degree what he’s earning is irrelevant. You won’t get child support as it’s not his child.
You earn enough to support yourself and your DC in the house. I’d say that you keep your house and you both keep your own pension. presumably he built up his pension from before you both met - is there a reason why you didn’t maximise yours?

ManyATrueWord · 15/10/2023 10:25

Get a solicitor.

Any agreement has to take into account not only what your brought to the marriage but where the marriage has left you now it has ended.

A solicitor should oversee any agreement to give up a claim on his pension for the ownership of your house.

Original poster
thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 10:42

Soontobe60 · 15/10/2023 10:21

To some degree what he’s earning is irrelevant. You won’t get child support as it’s not his child.
You earn enough to support yourself and your DC in the house. I’d say that you keep your house and you both keep your own pension. presumably he built up his pension from before you both met - is there a reason why you didn’t maximise yours?

I couldn't afford to before I met him.

All bills in my name etc as he moved in with me.

I didn't ask for housekeeping or whatever you want to call it until three years ago. He was paying for shopping etc etc but we didn't have a split of bills or a joint account. Three years ago I wanted more structure around finances which is why he now sends a set amount the joint account.

Any spare cash from the housekeeping I threw at the mortgage because it was always supposed to be that we would be moving next year and he would have cleared the debt.
I also paid off £8k on one of his cards.

He hasn't.

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BubleBath · 15/10/2023 10:54

Short marriage, no shared kids that he’s responsible for housing, marrying him hasn’t had an impact on your career- would expect a judge to look at returning you both to the position you were in pre-marriage; you have your house, he has his pension.

You do need a solicitor, though as there’s no way to predict accurately how it would go.

Original poster
thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 11:02

I think he will agree to both walking away as is. Him with shares and pensions and me with the house

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determinedtomakethiswork · 15/10/2023 11:04

Of course, he will agree to that. He's lived there for virtually nothing, and you paid £8000 off his debts! Get a good solicitor involved and put yourself first. He will be putting himself first, don't you worry about that.

VineRipened · 15/10/2023 11:21

Don’t discuss it with him if it just sparks rows.

Do financial mediation.

Original poster
thinkitsdone · 15/10/2023 11:37

determinedtomakethiswork · 15/10/2023 11:04

Of course, he will agree to that. He's lived there for virtually nothing, and you paid £8000 off his debts! Get a good solicitor involved and put yourself first. He will be putting himself first, don't you worry about that.

He's not tight. He's just crap with money. I paid the £8k off with the housekeeping rather than saving it because he is crap at budgeting and buys a lot of the clothing, shopping etc.

Anything long term has always been in my name.

The difference between us is that if I have credit, even interest free, I will clear it as quickly as possible. He won't. He doesn't make over payments on anything just sees the what is left over after bills as a pot that can all be spent whereas I am the opposite. I will chuck most of it on savings or pay the mortgage a bit more etc etc.

He isn't tight at all but he is crap with money

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