Hobbies...

[CurlewKate]

Another thread got me thinking. Do most people have hobbies? Well, I know most Mumsnet men do- cycling, golf, football, gaming mostly. Otherwise known as FRATs or Family Responsibility Avoidance Techniques.

Do women generally have hobbies? I love to bake-and if I was a man I might call it a hobby. I bake far more than my family can eat, so I sometimes sell, sometimes give away most of it, so it's not feeding my family. Does that count? What do you do and do you call it a hobby? Or is it only a hobby if men do it?🤣

There was a thread about this recently, where an OP 's husband had irritatingly claimed that the reason she didn't have hobbies was that hobbies weren't a woman thing. Whereas it turned out that she would have liked to do things, but unsurprisingly he didn't facilitate that and always dumped the children and housework on her.

Anyway... yes, I have hobbies and so do loads of women I know. I knit, crochet, spin (on a spinning wheel) and sing. Running was also a hobby, but I don't do it much now. Among other things, my female friends and colleagues do cycling, swimming, hiking, play in bands and orchestras, sew, do martial arts and lots of other stuff.

Incidentally, I attended a 6 hour guild meeting for my hobby yesterday, while dh was out for a similar amount of time playing at a concert. Our dc are teens now, so that's not a problem, but either of us would always have been happy for the other to do similar when the dc were younger.

I wouldn't usually use the word "hobby" in real life (about me or DH) - I think that's a Mumsnet thing to do with wanting to stay anonymous rather than naming the activity. But yes, both DH and I have hobbies - DH plays in a band and I like reading and running. I would definitely count baking as a hobby if you do it often and enjoy it.

I have hobbies! I found them in the lockdowns.

I ride other people's horses - once midweek after work (light allowing) and usually once at the weekend.
I exercise at home and the gym but wouldn't call these 'hobbies' - more non-negotiable maintenance.
I sometimes cross stitch, a bit of sewing, lots of reading etc.

DH and I have a good system where we facilitate each other's hobbies because we're happier people and better parents that way.

I'm riding for a second day this weekend to ride with a friend. DH has given up his group cycle to allow me to do this. But later in the year I'll have the kids by myself all weekend while he walks up a mountain (or whatever it is).

I don't think it's a women's hobby problem, it's an entitled male problem.

(I know a woman whose partner won't look after their baby for a couple of hours at the weekend so she can exercise her own horses. He feels like he should be at the pub all day both days instead. 🤯)

Well, I know most Mumsnet men do- cycling, golf, football, gaming mostly. Otherwise known as FRATs or Family Responsibility Avoidance Techniques

What a perverse way of looking at a relationship. If a woman were to spend time on a healthy or sociable pass time, we'd praise her for taking care of her physical and mental health.

I have cross stitch (have set crochet aside for now), and I guess I sew - but this is more sporadic. I made Christmas stockings last year and I'm still working on a pile of patches (the interfacing part) for a baby clothes blanket. Or several by the number I have here... It's really handy having a machine though for mending things!

I also grow and propagate houseplants, but I used to do this as a micro business before dc2.

I play golf myself! Love it.

I sing in a choir, sometimes I'm just at rehearsals 1-2 evenings a week, sometimes I have performances on top. DH plays pool and goes for bike rides with his friends. It works for us and means we are happier people.

I have always had hobbies and as many that take me out of the house as inside the house. I suppose putting on the feminist thinking cap it’s because overall women end up at home with children so there are lots of women doing hobbies at home and that are home enhancing. Baking, sewing, knitting making bloody lampshades like my friend.

@OctogenarianDecathlete’ I don't think it's a women's hobby problem, it's an entitled male problem ‘ is spot on.

My Mother left 3 husbands, this was in the 1950’s and 1960’s because they pissed her off. Maybe a very young woman on this board will think so what but back then divorcing was uncommon and it was put up and shut up to a worse degree than now. She always worked so was never trapped.

My lifelong hobbies are hiking, dancing, singing, cycling sewing and gaming both video and board. I played hockey till I was 31 and also ran but an issue with my back stopped both of those. DH still runs and plays board and video games plus we go cycling together and he was also a hockey player. We also both read.

So raise girls to know their worth and don’t put up with crap and raise boys to not expect women to run around after them. It’s obvious to me. The women I know that will do just that without any guilt were raised by as we joke long lines of strong women. My friends grandmother was a suffragette and another’s grandmother was a councillor. My grandmother was an officer in the WAAF.

I'm in a choir. We practice Monday nights and can do performances some weekends- just dip in and out depending on what's going on. I also have a drum lesson on a Saturday afternoon. Book club one Tuesday a month. Clubbercise class every Tuesday. I help out at brownies on Fridays.

Neither me or DH really have hobbies at the moment. We have a young baby so there isn’t time for much else. I read a lot of books if that counts, usually while breastfeeding these days as it’s the only chance I get!

I am in my 60s and always had hobbies out of the house which dh facilitate. Still do with gym, golf, card games etc. Had more but gradually let some go over Covid. Love my hobbies

It’s only seen this way when a man spends excessive time on it, being out of the house all weekend, going away for weekends, spending whole weekday evenings on it, leaving his wife to look after the house and kids like a single parent. If a woman did that, leaving her husband to look after the kids all the time, the response would be the same.

It’s women whose husbands spend all their time outside work on their “hobby” who post on MN, not those whose husbands spend normal amounts of time on it.

@MustbeFeverTree "What a perverse way of looking at a relationship."

I thought it was quite funny, actually!🤣

Reading this thread I'm beginning to think that I just don't like the word "hobby". It's not a word I encounter much outside Mumsnet. I read, but don't think of it as a hobby. I have something that I like to do that's too embarrassing to mention, and I do like to sing and walk and sew. And, as I said, bake. But I cannot imagine ever saying that I couldn't do something else-like take care of my children- because I "had to do my hobby." Which is something men are always saying to their partners on Mumsnet....

I have no idea why some people have a problem with the word 'hobby' either. It's a perfectly normal word, not MN jargon. For example, how should the OP have phrased it differently? 'Do you have things you do in your spare time?' That doesn't quite work - people do lots of things in their spare time which aren't hobbies and aren't necessarily for fun.

Oh, and I would never classify a woman with children, particularly a SAHM, going to the gym or for a run as a hobby. Any more than I would consider having a bath as "pampering". Both are essential self care. Not luxuries. I specify women here, because in my experience men manage to find ways to fit these things in....

But I cannot imagine ever saying that I couldn't do something else-like take care of my children- because I "had to do my hobby."

That makes no sense at all. Why would calling something that's clearly a hobby a hobby mean that you'd have to let it take priority over looking after your children? . A hobby is just a specific activity you do for enjoyment. Millions of people manage to have hobbies without evading their responsibilities.

I do lots of different things to fill my spare time, just as DH does.

I'm not sure I'd describe them all as hobbies though. I mean, going out for breakfast with a friend or walking dogs together isn't really a hobby in my eyes, just a way of socialising. I do go horse-riding though and would describe that as a hobby.

But I cannot imagine ever saying that I couldn't do something else-like take care of my children- because I "had to do my hobby."

See, I don't see a problem with this. As long as the children are occupied or being looked after by someone, why can't a parent go off and do a hobby if they want to?

But then I grew up with parents who prioritised their hobbies and free time as much as they did mine, which I think is really healthy.

I have interests, which you could call hobbies.

I'd only use the word 'hobby' to describe something a child does though. I'd never describe my own interests as hobbies.

Oh, and I would never classify a woman with children, particularly a SAHM, going to the gym or for a run as a hobby.

That's just an arbitrary distinction you're making because you personally have strong feelings about some associations you make with the word hobby though. There are lots of women who would regard running as their hobby and would have no negative associations at all with the word hobby. I have never encountered that negative association outside of MN.

I'm not sure I'd describe them all as hobbies though. I mean, going out for breakfast with a friend or walking dogs together isn't really a hobby in my eyes

I agree. The dictionary just says a hobby is an activity done regularly for pleasure (no cut-off age mentioned!). But going out for breakfast is just socialising. There's nothing about eating breakfast that makes it an 'activity' really, other than the fact that you're sitting with a friend doing it. Walking the dog is just part of people's daily routine. If you were planning out long hiking routes and doing hours of it every weekend and travelling further afield, or doing organised trails with a group with your dog you might call it a hobby.

I have the most extensive and time consuming hobby on the planet: horse owning. I'm home probably 5 hours per day at the weekend and the rest is spent at the yard.
Then to add to that I train gundogs so the 5 hours I'm at home I'm actually out training 🤣.
DH has zero hobbies, probably a good thing!