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Original poster

I think my 17year old has the start of an eating problem

28 replies

Damsonsky · 15/10/2023 08:19

I'm not sure where to post this or what to do about it.

She is 17 and at 6th form. She's 5 feet 6 and weighs 8 stone 2lbs.
In July she was 8 stone 12. She's not sporty or especially active.
I've noticed she's trying to skip meals. She's always been a bit of a fussy eater.,
She now refuses all desserts.
Some treats she was given for her birthday are unopened after 2 months.
I have no idea what she eats at school. She takes a packed lunch so it could get thrown away for all I know.
She will eat dinner in the evening but for example if it's pasta she won't eat garlic bread.
The only way I know what she weighs is that the bathroom scales is registered to an App I have .

I should probably state that she has only ever known me as fat and I'm trying to lose weight. She knows I go to Slimming World but I try to keep it low key and I'm more calorie controlled than following their plan. Her father and siblings are thin. Whole family vegetarian and reasonably healthy. A takeaway is a rare treat as is eating out.

OP posts:
Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 08:24

Yes op

I would be worried

I developed one at 18and was away at uni

so at least she is still with you at home and there is a chance you can turn this around before it gets hold of her and then she goes away to uni

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 15/10/2023 08:26

Sounds like you need to speak to BEAT Flowers

Original poster
Damsonsky · 15/10/2023 09:43

Thanks.

I saw BEAT has a helpline that opens at 5pm today.

I wonder what they will suggest?

@

OP posts:
Original poster
Damsonsky · 15/10/2023 09:44

@Barrowgirl what would have helped you? What made things worse?

I'm worried it's my fault for being fat.

OP posts:
Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 12:48

Nothing to do with you being fat per se

unless of course you’ve been very open re how upset you are about being fat and constantly been been on a diet and very vocal about it. That may have had an impact t, yes, but not inevitably.

what would have helped. Early intervention without a doubt. And substantial. You need to get her a private specialist (no chance nhs given she’s currently fine BMI)

and made it worse… being at uni ie entirely responsible for what I cooked and ate

watch her movement doesn’t suddenly increase

you need to talk to her asap. Like today. She will deny and do not underestimate how sneaky she may become about making out she’s eaten etc

YoongiMarryMe · 15/10/2023 13:02

You could contact CAMHS. I did for my DS and he was seen within days. They said there’s no waiting list for eating disorders- you get seen asap.

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 15/10/2023 13:37

This is how my dd started a couple of years ago, she's now on treatment for anorexia.
I definitely recommend speaking to BEAT and if not camhs then definitely the GP.
It's got all the hallmarks of the start of an eating disorder, and eating disorders are brutal

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 14:11

YoongiMarryMe · 15/10/2023 13:02

You could contact CAMHS. I did for my DS and he was seen within days. They said there’s no waiting list for eating disorders- you get seen asap.

I’m very sorry to say that this is very very wrong.

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 14:12

Sadly there is a very long waiting list. When was the last time you tried to access?

hence private suggestion

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 15/10/2023 14:33

I think you might have to start looking at how you are talking about your own weight and your relationship with food. Now can be the time you change how you feel about yourself so that you are better able to support DD Flowers

Elderflower2016 · 15/10/2023 14:42

In our county NHS help has to be accessed via GP. However the big question is whether she wants help, as most lower level/ emerging eating disorder services accessed via GP are voluntary. There are far shorter wait lists for ED services than CAMHS here too (3 months vs 2 years) but GPs can offer good support whilst waiting if needed. ED’s are usually a symptom of something else, a way to cope with something. So that’s worth thinking about but as others have said, BEAT are great for parents abd teenagers in terms of telephone and online support and of course talking about it with your DD.

Original poster
Damsonsky · 15/10/2023 16:18

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto I don't think I've made a big deal on things. I was happy being fat, I love food, cooking etc.
I'm on a diet because I need an op. She knows this.

I have broached her eating, although she doesn't know I know what she weighs. She denies everything. She seems happy in school etc... I'm clueless

OP posts:
YoongiMarryMe · 15/10/2023 16:36

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 14:11

I’m very sorry to say that this is very very wrong.

Show quote history

Why tell me this is very very wrong when this was my exact experience last year?
I guess it’s different for all areas but it’s not "very very wrong".

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 16:39

So you’re saying there’s “no wait list”

if you are - you may be referring to your area but absolutely not throughout the UK

and the process is a “triage” call or appointment and then you’re prioritised

OP - BEAT will take you through the process . Hope the call goes well

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 16:39

CAMHS and Eating disorder therapy is not the same thing

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 16:41

The grip tends to tighten very very quickly oP

I would urge you to book her a gp appointment tomorrow. And call BEAT today when they open at 5

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 16:42

They said there’s no waiting list for eating disorders- you get seen asap.

I am afraid it is very very long.

YoongiMarryMe · 15/10/2023 17:57

In your area. Maybe not in the OPs area. I’m not wanting to argue, I just don’t want anyone to be put off contacting CAMHS when they might be seen very soon.

And the no waiting list comment is what the actual therapist told us. For my area, obviously. They said anorexia is the deadliest thing they deal with so there’s no wait to be seen. We contacted CAMHS then heard from them 4 days later and had an appointment to see them 4 days after that. Treatment started the week after.

But mainly - good luck OP. It’s so stressful and scary. There’s a thread for parents of children with eating disorders on here that I found helpful. I didn’t join in but reading it helped.

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 18:00

Then you should have made clear no waiting list in your area (although there will be parameters ie sadly if BMI is in normal range then someone below 16 will be prioritised)

YoongiMarryMe · 15/10/2023 18:18

Well obviously I thought it’d be the same in all areas due to what we were told about it being the deadliest thing they deal with. You seems very arsey with me
when I was only going by my own experience and was trying to be helpful to the OP. It might help someone else even if it’s no use to the OP.

edited to add: you should make it clear the BMI thing is only for your area. In mine it’s clearly not a factor as my sons BMI was 19 and he was still given priority.

GoodVibesHere · 15/10/2023 18:24

Is anyone able to give suggestions on what the OP can/should do whilst waiting for external help (from CAMHS or elsewhere)? It's difficult to know how to approach the issue, what to say to the DD, how to help her.

Inkpotlover · 15/10/2023 18:31

Can you tell through the app how often is she weighing herself @Damsonsky ? If it's multiple times a day, I'd be inclined to remove the scales and tell her they're broken and you can't afford to replace them for now. If she has no idea what she weighs she might not going down the path towards full-blown ED. I had an ED as a teen and I wish my mum had hidden the scales from me.

YoongiMarryMe · 15/10/2023 18:40

Oh yes to getting rid of the scales asap. It was one of the first things we were told to do. And no talking about weight of anyone at all even if it’s being positive.

WarmAsT0ast · 15/10/2023 18:49

My dd has been treated for Anorexia the past few years under CAHMS.

BMI as a gateway is a myth. There are so many other factors taken into account and physical observations. My dd could be very physically unwell with all types of BMI. Her weight has been stabilised with a healthy bmi but she is still deemed to be unwell, a risk and in need of treatment which she’s getting. Mentally she’s struggling a lot.

OP do you have any other concerns- self harming, suicidal idealisation, substance abuse, depression, anxiety, neurodiversity etc.Do a sweep of her room looking for evidence but this may be something that needs to be handled carefully. Then go to your GP with any additional concerns and also contact CAHMS yourself. Make sure she isn’t wearing a heavy coat or shoes with pockets when you go to the gp as she/he may weigh her. And keep pushing if you’re worried. They may prioritise her because of her age and being near 18 as that can be quite a rocky time between services.

I think BEAT has a helpline.

Don’t blame yourself. I’ve never dieted post children and my dd has been v unwell. All
sorts of things can cause eating disorders.

Big up her life away from food and her self esteem. Talk about needing a balanced good amount of intake at her age to do all the things she wants to do. 💞

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 15/10/2023 19:10

GoodVibesHere · 15/10/2023 18:24

Is anyone able to give suggestions on what the OP can/should do whilst waiting for external help (from CAMHS or elsewhere)? It's difficult to know how to approach the issue, what to say to the DD, how to help her.

I think a few people have suggested talking to BEAT already.