Tell me about your second born/youngest

[ItsConstant]

Mine conforms to all of the stereotypes - in a nutshell, he's hard work - constantly moaning, more 'handsy', demanding, destructive, the list goes on! There's less than 2 years between my 2 DC (youngest is 19 months) and my eldest was, and continues to be, so easy in comparison. I know they're all different and you can't compare... But you do!

I feel guilty for not 'treasuring' and 'enjoying' these early days but something's (most of the time), I can't wait until he's a bit older and past this phase (I'm really hoping it is a phase and not his character/personality, he's always been like this).

Just to be clear, I love him unconditionally, I just find his behaviour very challenging.

DD2 cannot be alone. She won't even watch tv on her own. And ideally she needs to be actually touching someone so she knows for sure they are there.

She's pretty chilled tho. Really lazy, not energetic. Not brave either, even the mildest peril means a lot of persuading her to try a new activity.

DC1 was not a great sleeper and very physically active as a toddler so I was chasing him around the whole time. DC2 was a dream baby and toddler - good sleeper, very chilled. DC3 was the hardest - terrible sleeper, defiant toddler. They're all fab easy teens so far (eldest is nearly 18).

My elder ds is lovely but I do find him tricky. It could just be his age (2 years 10 months.) DD (3 months) is lovely.

My main concern with ds is that he doesn’t seem to be growing out of being physical with other children; it really does upset me.

DS didn't really outgrow it completely until 4 or even 5. He is 19 and honestly fine now, I think he will always be quite a determined person. But he has well developed empathy and is very kind. Try not to worry.

Mine have been quite different; each good/bad at certain things. My eldest was a chilled out baby, happy on his playmat but woke for night feeds for a long time. Youngest was a more active baby, early to roll and crawl but v rarely woke between midnight-6am from quite early on.

Eldest was tricky to potty train in the day but was dry at night himself with no help by 2.5. DD is 3.5 and still not dry at night with the odd daytime accident.

DD is more obedient but less able to amuse herself. DS is more likely to play up about things like leaving the park, but is good at playing with his toys with an audiobook on while I get on with other things.

I do admit that I've had less patience with some of the stages with my youngest. The mess of weaning was really tiresome for instance. Also that unsteady toddler stage where they basically spend all day trying to harm themselves. I'm enjoying it more now we're past that.

What do you mean by physical? I work in a secondary school and lots of the boys love nothing more than rough housing with their mates.

Omg OP I could have written that word for word except my youngest is 2.5 now and still feral and destructive, he touches everything , takes shoes and spreads them about the house why not just leave them on the shoe rack?! We are repainting the front room again because he's drawn all over the walls.
My eldest is 2 years older and just started school, youngest gets his free nursery hours after April and I'm going to apply for the 30 hours for him. I do feel guilty as my youngest only did 15 hours, but I genuinely need it for my sanity, also he's never been to nursery so it will be good for him hopefully. I feel your pain! No more kids for me

My second is much more hard work than my first.

Youngest is the easiest, but he's also 2 which is an age I like vs DS2 being 5 which is an age I find very challenging.

He is louder than the other two and more likely to tantrum/protest when he doesn't want something. He pushes other kids out of the way, which I assume is because he's had to deal with other children from very young whereas the other two were singletons. We are working on this in group settings!

My youngest/second born has just turned 2. I wouldn't describe him as easy, laid back, and no trouble sadly! However, likewise he is much 'easier' than DC1, and always has been so far. So in comparison feels much easier, as eldest has always been Hard Work (they are 5 now).

Completely different... DC1 (DD7) has always been on the go, crawled at six months, walked at 11 months, never stops talking or moving, atrocious sleeper, very highly-strung and emotional, stubborn and rigid thinking, never listens, wears her heart on her sleeve, every day is either the best or worst day ever...*

DC2 (DS5) - very chilled out, takes everything in his stride, easy baby, used to have regular three-hour naps, crawled at 9 months, walked at 15 months, very calm and conscientious, stops and thinks before he does anything (though can get carried away with DC1's schemes 🤔).

*Disclaimer - is on ASD and ADHD pathways.

But they do get on incredibly well (I think because they are so different!)

Thanks @Goldencup . It did seem to get better but none of my friends children seem to do it, so even though I know it’s a ‘normal’ phase I just desperately want it to end so I can go to soft play and not follow him around!

I totally feel your pain. I stopped going to soft play completely betwen 2-4 unless DH was with me as I was pregnant, then had a baby so couldn't follow him about. I do remember a turning point- it was an overheard conversation on ths last day of summer when DS was 2.5 and I was very heavily pregnant. There was a group of mums and slightly older children on the grass by the paddling pool ( maybe 3/4 year olds) one of the mothers said " Xx isn'g really enjoying this, we are going to go" hed friend tried to persuade her to stay " it's not even 2 O clock yet" but she was clear her ( likely spirited) little boy just wasn't feeling it that day. Itcqas a damascian moment for me, I realised it was ok to just go if the situation wasn't working for us. That was the begining of things getting better fir us. A large part of that was allowing DS to be himself (not masively sociable, very physical, likes predictablity) he will probably always be more comfortable in small groups than big ones ( like his Dad) he will always need/enjoy lots of time being physical and outdoors (probably like both of us). Do also remember that those groups you see if coffee shops with complient children colouring or playing quietly with the three toys provided are self selecting. 🌷I didn't want to dominate the thread do PM me.

Apologies for typos. Hope you managed to get the sense of that.

Following but I'm the opposite- my first born is wild, absolutely fearless and feral. I'm hoping the next one will be calmer 🫣

3rd born is mental. Absolutely mental. Tantrums, insane energy, thinks he is in charge, gets away with murder, defiant….but the biggest cuddle lover in the world, and proper mummies boy. Love him.

We have 3mugs that sum up our family;
I'm the eldest, I make the rules
I'm the second child, I'm the reason we have rules.
I'm the youngest, the rules don't apply to me.

I wasn't aware of those second born stereotypes.

My dc2 is 17m, so I'm wary that she may get more difficult as she gets older. But so far she's a delight. So laid back and goes with the flow. She's been dragged along as a babe in arms to all kinds of events like theatre shows and classical music concerts, as we take dc1, and she's never caused any trouble. Goes to toddler groups most days and will sit quietly during toddler time. Joins in immediately at a new playgroup, not clingy. Joins in all the actions, has picked up loads of signs and words. No tantrums yet, and happily shares and takes turns.

There's almost 4y between dc1 and dc2, which is more than I had planned, but it's worked out well. Dc2 gets all the attention that a firstborn gets as dc1 is at school, lots of 1:1 cuddles, reading books together and going to age specific baby and toddler activities.

DC1 and DC2 aren't that different in personalities. DC2 reminds me a lot of DC1 when she was that age.

Total opposite. My eldest is highly strung, high energy, dramatic, whiny and demanding. He’s also hilarious, clever, vivacious and popular. I love him fiercely but he pushes me to the edge regularly. I sense I have a long, long parenting journey ahead of me with him…

My youngest is just a baby but he’s quite calm and content compared to DS1 who screamed with frustration 24/7 at his age. Give DS2 a boob and a cuddle and he’s happy and/or asleep. Never, ever happened with DS1.

Well she's only a week old but definitely easier than DS was at the same age - whether that continues remains to be seen.

I thought the stereotype was with first born, parents are more worried and on edge with their PFB, and some of this transfers to the child, making them more wary and careful, plus used to having parents to themselves so not used to sharing. And by the time of the second child, parents are more relaxed plus have less time to spend 121 with second - so child has no choice but to be more relaxed and easygoing!

Completely the opposite for me.

DC1 - what they might describe as 'very high maintenance'
DC2 - a dream

I think there are basically two stereotypes. One the PFB/relaxed and one is where you've had a unicorn baby for the first one so the second is a bit more of the standard baby/toddler experience so is a bit of a shock!

I think the idea is if you have a nightmare baby/early toddlerhood with DC1, you have to be very determined that you want another to keep going! So there aren't as many hellion/unicorn pairings because most people with a hellion for a first child just say nope, no more, how the hell does anyone do this twice?!