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Original poster

Would your 12 year old cry over this ?

29 replies

ReverseEmotion · 14/10/2023 17:31

Ds is 12. I’m puzzled by his reactions to things - he has always been this way but I assumed he would grow out of it ?

He’s always been extremely emotional, favoured objects over people and given them’feelings’ whereas he doesn’t seem to recognise that actual people have feelings ??

Some examples are once we walked past a sadly deceased cat at the side of the road - my friends dd was upset - ds was just very interested . Ds has no interest in making or maintaining friendships and often says things which are rude/hurtful which we point out and explain and he’s just so blank? Yet if one day he doesn’t eat all his food we will throw it away then he cries that he’s upset his dinner and wants it back ?? Once he broke a mug and cried for hours that it had ‘memories’ yet when his grandmother died (who he was very close to) he just shrugged and said ‘the end, I won’t see her ever again but every time I did see her I concentrated so much on enjoying time with her ‘ and that’s it he’s moved in and we thought he would be upset???

Today we were sorting things out and he found an old toy and asked for batteries so we had a look but didn’t have any, no problem as we have a delivery coming tomorrow so I added batteries. He’s cried for 4 hours and needs them now, he’s not being rude or demanding just sobbing for batteries and this doesn’t seem right for a 12 year old ? I’m not sure what to do

OP posts:
AllWeWantToDo · 14/10/2023 17:37

Doesn't sound like any of my 3 dcs at that age, I do have a 10 year old who sounds similar but not as extreme. Some of its his personality and some of it is I think due to him having ASD

Original poster
ReverseEmotion · 14/10/2023 17:40

AllWeWantToDo · 14/10/2023 17:37

Doesn't sound like any of my 3 dcs at that age, I do have a 10 year old who sounds similar but not as extreme. Some of its his personality and some of it is I think due to him having ASD

When he was 4/5 I did briefly worry about ASD as he was displaying certain behaviours (having to eat the exact same food daily and having to walk the same routes to places and counting steps etc ) but then he stopped it so I put it to the back of my mind but things just aren’t improving at all and I’m just feeling uneasy with his reactions being the opposite to what I’d expect in certain situations

OP posts:
KateyCuckoo · 14/10/2023 17:40

Not at all, she rarely cries these days.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

12 year olds Families
Original poster
ReverseEmotion · 14/10/2023 17:42

Dh is getting batteries on his way home from work so hopefully that will help but I had said to ds we could walk to the shop or he could but he is too upset and says he wants to go to sleep now

OP posts:
CousinGoldfinch · 14/10/2023 17:42

I am autistic, and attributing feelings/personalities to objects can be part of it.

Kellioo · 14/10/2023 17:43

I have a 12 year old ds, no he wouldn't cry over that, the most he ever really does is a brief sulk. But every child is different.

Perhaps ask to speak to his school in the first instance. I hope you're ok, today sounds like it's been tough for you.

MaggieBsBoat · 14/10/2023 17:44

My 15 year old (autistic) daughter does this. Less so now, but it was quite full on for years. It is not NT I would say but I am no expert- I just worked with autistic children (mother of 5. 2 autistic)

Electrictache · 14/10/2023 17:54

I hate when people jump quickly to a child or adult being ND on here but it does sound like this could be a possibility. Some of his reactions and responses certainly don't sound typical for a child of his age.

Is there anything else you're concerned about? School etc?

FatFilledTrottyPuss · 14/10/2023 18:00

My ds sounds very similar to this. Dh told him about how they lost his blue bear in the park when ds was a baby, cue then 10 year old ds crying for hours about the missing bear he had no prior recollection of and Dh spending hours frantically tracking down a replacement online as ds was so distraught. I’d look again at ASD tbh.

Original poster
ReverseEmotion · 14/10/2023 18:01

Electrictache · 14/10/2023 17:54

I hate when people jump quickly to a child or adult being ND on here but it does sound like this could be a possibility. Some of his reactions and responses certainly don't sound typical for a child of his age.

Is there anything else you're concerned about? School etc?

School is ok the only thing that gets mentioned a lot is how much he cries over minor things.

Food can be an issue , it was a huge issue when he was younger as age 2 up till 5 he would only eat the same things each day and would rather starve than deviate but then did seem to get a bit better although is still quite restricted and seems to have issues around food waste (crying if isn’t hungry but then hates to have his food thrown away).

If he has an idea he will talk non stop about that one thing or like today wanted batteries and cannot cope not having them immediately

OP posts:
TomeTome · 14/10/2023 18:08

I have one child with asd and this all sounds very familiar. Have a read around and see what you think.

BloominFlower · 14/10/2023 18:34

DS is 13 is is very similar OP, like others have said, I do get annoyed when people instantly assign ASD to someone, but by the sounds of it your DS is the ‘textbook definition’ based on what you’ve said about object attachment and routine. Chances are he is getting upset more because if his age too with heightened emotions

FourStringsNoWaiting · 14/10/2023 18:49

I don't have an official autism diagnosis but we do think I'm on the spectrum. What you said about crying because he's upset his dinner really resonated with me, it's the sort of thing I'd do

theduchessofspork · 14/10/2023 18:54

ReverseEmotion · 14/10/2023 17:40

When he was 4/5 I did briefly worry about ASD as he was displaying certain behaviours (having to eat the exact same food daily and having to walk the same routes to places and counting steps etc ) but then he stopped it so I put it to the back of my mind but things just aren’t improving at all and I’m just feeling uneasy with his reactions being the opposite to what I’d expect in certain situations

Show quote history

I would get him assessed, as it sounds like he might have some ND. Empathy can be taught up to a point if you’re worried about that, although his response to his grandmother’s death sounds pretty healthy to me (not that being upset wouldn’t be healthy).

Britneyfan · 14/10/2023 18:58

I’m a GP and a lot of what you’ve described sounds suggestive of ASD as others have said. Especially at age 12; if he was younger I’d think some of it maybe less unusual behaviour.

Jellycats4life · 14/10/2023 19:01

He sounds autistic, and the fact he had some obvious traits at a younger age would support this too. The crying for four hours is a classic (and quite severe actually) meltdown.

itsgettingweird · 14/10/2023 19:07

CousinGoldfinch · 14/10/2023 17:42

I am autistic, and attributing feelings/personalities to objects can be part of it.

Yes, my autistic ds attributes more feeling to inanimate objects than humans.

He prefers them Grin

cansu · 14/10/2023 19:13

That does sound like someone who may be autistic.

AllWeWantToDo · 14/10/2023 23:00

ReverseEmotion · 14/10/2023 17:40

When he was 4/5 I did briefly worry about ASD as he was displaying certain behaviours (having to eat the exact same food daily and having to walk the same routes to places and counting steps etc ) but then he stopped it so I put it to the back of my mind but things just aren’t improving at all and I’m just feeling uneasy with his reactions being the opposite to what I’d expect in certain situations

Show quote history

Like others said , I do dislike how people jump straight to ND on here but to me he does seem to be displaying a lot of behaviours that make me think asd and if it was something you've also thought about in the past it's probably a good idea to explore that

AllWeWantToDo · 14/10/2023 23:13

My 10 year old was dx at 2 so very young, he does display what we would say are the correct responses to death, both his grandparents and a cat have died in the last few years

My 12 year old, who I thought like you when he was little displayed signs of asd would be very much like your ds if he came across a dead cat . He was also very much meh, about his gran dying

I will say though that it hit him about 6 months later and he struggled with it for a while . He doesn't cry though, it's incredible rare. He also struggles to show emotions, so do I.

Obviously not all nd children/adults react the same way .

Original poster
ReverseEmotion · 14/10/2023 23:25

I think I will make a gp appt and maybe speak to the school ?

OP posts:
PortalooSunset · 15/10/2023 00:05

ReverseEmotion · 14/10/2023 23:25

I think I will make a gp appt and maybe speak to the school ?

Sounds like a plan. Am a parent of nd dc and that sort of thing sounds quite familiar. FB memories today had me apologising to a child's pants for standing on them accidentally (said child being very definitely not in them at the time!).

junbean · 15/10/2023 00:28

Does sound neurodivergent, and there's a specific term for giving objects feelings as well-

https://psychcentral.com/health/why-do-we-anthropomorphize#psychology

He's obviously high functioning though, would probably do well with some therapy. Sounds very manageable, as soon as you get some answers from a professional I'm sure it will be a relief. I wouldn't worry too much, he sounds very bright and special. I always wonder what amazing things a kid like this will do in their lives! I have a DD with Asperger's so I can appreciate this very much. I focus on her strengths which makes her happy, and we deal with difficulties in therapy.

What Is Anthropomorphizing? Psychology, Benefits, and Downsides

Giving human characteristics to non-human objects is called anthropomorphizing. This article looks into the psychology behind why people do it.

https://psychcentral.com/health/why-do-we-anthropomorphize#psychology

111111111a · 15/10/2023 01:21

Have you read The Book of Form and Emptiness op? This has reminded me of it. Wonderful book. The boy in it is the same

curaçao · 15/10/2023 01:35

I think you are very gullible.He cries to stavevoff potential trouble fir himself- breaking the mug, throwing away his dinner,trying ti manipukate you into buying batteries soonee.On the other hand he didnt really care about tge strange cat or grandparents death

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