I've been leading a "double life"

[anonymous1310]

Pretty much everyone knows something different. My partner, my friends, my work, my GP all know a different version of what's been going on/how I've been feeling...and now shit is (internally/mentally/emotionally) hitting the fan, I have no one I can turn to because it requires me to admit the story I've been telling people/playing up to is a lie.

I'm not looking for sympathy, at all. I've brought this on myself. I just don't know what to do about the fact I'm not coping anymore.

Partner thinks I'm coping and happy. Friends/work/GP all know I've not been coping but for different reasons (health/relationship/work stress).

The truth is that my health is up and down, unpredictable and volatile. My relationship is making me miserable and my attitude towards it switches from one day to the next depending on the general atmosphere. Work is stressing me out, and I'm not coping with being a parent anymore because of the stress it brings on top of everything else.

No one knows the full, true story, each with a particular reason behind why it's not been appropriate to be honest. I've fucked it, haven't I?

I don’t understand op, what have you fucked? What double life are you leading, I think you’ve just not been honest about your struggles but can remedy that any time you choose?

Sorry, I do t get what the double life is?

Can you explain a bit more clearly? What lies have you been telling?

It just sounds like you've been coping lass than you've been letting on. Which is very, very common

You've not fucked anything. My psychiatrist sees a different side of me than my DH does and he sees a different side of me to what my parents see and they see a different side of me to what colleagues see. I don't see it as being a double life or duplicitous, it's just the way that people are. Very few people show their whole selves to different people. You've not done anything wrong and the people in your life who care about you will just want to support you.

Maybe you are just struggling to be ‘authentic’. I often give crap or incomplete/differing versions of why my life is so chaotic and I think it’s a confidence thing. I really admire people who can speak plainly without embarrassment or trying to hide things.

Start with your GP, your GP will be used to people masking and pretending they're fine when they are not, what you have done isn't a bad thing but it is a common way to respond when you're really not OK.

I think the only person who knows the full story is the person themselves. We all, to greater or lesser extents, choose to let people into other aspects of our lives.

Are there people who you trust? Do you think sharing a bit with them could help?